Frank Black, Lindsey Buckingham, Johnny Cash, Kurt Cobain, Rick Nielsen, Tom Petty, Trent Reznor, Rick Springfield, Corey Taylor, Lars Ulrich, Neil Young, Stevie Nicks, Barry Manilow,

Sound City: tells the story of the greatest music studio that ever existed – IRGDGHO (In Rock God Dave Grohl’s Honest Opinion). And what a story it is, plenty of ups and downs to make an interesting and entertaining documentary. Not unlike Side by Side’s knockout movie cast, some of the musicians that pop up in here are jaw-droppingly famous: Stevie Nix, Neil Young, Trent Reznor, Josh Homme, Rick Springfield… the list is endless. The film covers standard ground like the rise-and-fall of raw / live recording several times through, 80s over-production and the dominance of pro tools a decade later. The first 70 minutes is a great documentary, however the final 25 or so really let the film down as star after star is invited to jam with Dave and the Foo Fighters, creating (average) songs in a couple of hours “old school style” – in what’s essentially an advert for the soundtrack, and a rather unnecessary addition to the runtime. Even as a massive Foo Fighters fan, it’s just a bit too much back-slapping. Weirdly, the film gives drum sound it’s own section but doesn’t bother with bass, guitar, vocals… Dave you cheeky drum monkey!! Overall, this is a good rock-dock, but I preferred hanging out with the rock stars and hearing their stories over seeing their (surprisingly boring) “creative process” in the studio.

Score: 7/10

Sound City Frank Black, Lindsey Buckingham, Johnny Cash, Kurt Cobain, Rick Nielsen, Tom Petty, Trent Reznor, Rick Springfield, Corey Taylor, Lars Ulrich, Neil Young, Stevie Nicks, Barry ManilowSound City 03 Frank Black, Lindsey Buckingham, Johnny Cash, Kurt Cobain, Rick Nielsen, Tom Petty, Trent Reznor, Rick Springfield, Corey Taylor, Lars Ulrich, Neil Young, Stevie Nicks, Barry Manilow,Sound City 02 Frank Black, Lindsey Buckingham, Johnny Cash, Kurt Cobain, Rick Nielsen, Tom Petty, Trent Reznor, Rick Springfield, Corey Taylor, Lars Ulrich, Neil Young, Stevie Nicks, Barry Manilow,

Shaolin Soccer 01 - Wong Yut Fei, Lam Chi-Sing, Tin Kai-Man, Danny Chan Kwok Kwan, Stephen Chow, Lam Chi Chung, Ng Man Tat, Vicki Zhao, Patrick Tse

Shaolin Soccer (少林足球, Siu lam juk kau): a has-been footballer (soccer player) convinces a struggling Kung-Fu master to form a football (soccer) team with his equally gifted ragamuffin friends. It’s so silly, bawdy, theatrical and over-the-top that it feels like it’s based on a manga series – apparently it isn’t! The story’s a bit stupid, but the film finds some form during the wire-work and CGI heavy ‘football’ (‘soccer) matches. Even by bad Asian standard the acting – although probably closer to mincing – is fairly shoddy, and it’s difficult to know if the actors were hired for their martial arts skills because most of the action is entirely green screen. Shaolin Soccer is entertaining enough, but behind the SFX it’s quite a formulaic sports film that’s too erratic to properly enjoy, and not particularly funny or dramatic enough to be noteworthy. All-in, I can’t understand why there’s so much love for this – definitely not one for proper football (soccer) fans.

Score: 4/10

Shaolin Soccer 02 Wong Yut Fei, Lam Chi-Sing, Tin Kai-Man, Danny Chan Kwok Kwan, Stephen Chow, Lam Chi Chung, Ng Man Tat, Vicki Zhao, Patrick TseShaolin Soccer 03 Wong Yut Fei, Lam Chi-Sing, Tin Kai-Man, Danny Chan Kwok Kwan, Stephen Chow, Lam Chi Chung, Ng Man Tat, Vicki Zhao, Patrick Tse,

Arrested Development Jason Bateman, Portia de Rossi, Will Arnett, Michael Cera, Alia Shawkat, Tony Hale, David Cross, Jeffrey Tambor, Jessica Walter, Ron Howard, Charlize Theron

Arrested Development (Season 3): Michael Bluth is still trying to keep his dysfunctional family together – and they’re doing their best to screw everything up. This series coasts a little more on the established gags like the Bluth lessons (why you should always leave a note!), rather than creating new ones; some old plot-lines and characters are also written back in to beef up the story. Because it was the last scheduled season, the final few episodes felt obligated to tie-up the loose ends like the Iraq “light treason” court case, cousin love etc – which was good to see, but feels more forced than the usual completely unrelated antics. Once again the two stars of the show are the cast and the writers – you just don’t get it this good on both sides very often. As you’d expect, Season 3 is still great TV, but it doesn’t feel as fresh or funny as the first two series – the episodes aren’t quite as tight, or packed with jokes, and some of the bigger laughs stoop down to things like rude language (pussy/fags) and retards; which previous seasons didn’t need to fall back on. However, those niggles are minor, and Season 3 ensures that the show remains one of the greatest comedies of all time.

Score: 7.5/10

Arrested Development Season 1 Review

Arrested Development Season 2 Review

Arrested Development Jason Bateman, Portia de Rossi, Will Arnett, Michael Cera, Alia Shawkat, Tony Hale, David Cross, Jeffrey Tambor, Jessica Walter, Ron Howard, Charlize TheronJason Bateman, Portia de Rossi, Will Arnett, Michael Cera, Alia Shawkat, Tony Hale, David Cross, Jeffrey Tambor, Jessica Walter, Ron Howard, Charlize Theron, Scott Baio

JAPANORAMA - Kinkie BANNER JAPAN-O-RAMAAir Doll 01 Bae Doona, Arata, Itsuji Itao, Joe Odagiri, Sumiko Fuji, Masaya Takahashi, Susumu Terajima, Kimiko Yo

Air Doll (空気人形): a lonely singleton falls in love with the blow-up doll that has replaced his girlfriend; and one day she comes to life (this could only be Japanese). The first five minutes are an explosive combination of funny, creepy, peculiar and entertaining. The remaining two hours however is essentially a grating portrayal of childhood innocence, but here’s the kicker: it’s played through the eyes of a sex doll!omfg!! The moment you notice this is the moment this film bursts. It’s full of ludicrously whimsical and increasingly pretentious ‘life lessons’ about what makes humans human, played through a handful of seriously irrelevant stories and sub-minor characters (which I guess is to beef up the runtime). It also features one of my biggest pet hates: the doll gets a job in a DVD rental store so the director can crowbar in a bunch of his favourites / influences / kewl moviez. Worst. Trope. Ever. There are a couple of funny-ish cultural confusion moments, but they’re balanced out by several close-up shots of a removable rubber vagina being washed in a sink: can you say “shock value”? In fact, the only saving grace is the lead actress Bae Doona who does a great job and for the most part doesn’t feel the slightest bit human. Other than the first five minutes this is literally – and figuratively – as exciting as spending almost two hours watching something slowly deflating in front of you. Air Doll comes off the rails far too quickly, never picks back up.

Score: 2/10

Air Doll 02 Bae Doona, Arata, Itsuji Itao, Joe Odagiri, Sumiko Fuji, Masaya Takahashi, Susumu Terajima, Kimiko Yo,Air Doll 03 Bae Doona, Arata, Itsuji Itao, Joe Odagiri, Sumiko Fuji, Masaya Takahashi, Susumu Terajima, Kimiko Yo,

The Lego Movie Emmet Unikitty Kragle Batman Green Lantern Ninja Spaceman Metal Beard Wyldstyle

The Lego Movie: Emmet Brickowski is a follow-the-manual kind of guy, but when he bumps in to a master builder his life changes forever. Anyone that’s ever played with Lego can relate to the film’s settings, and it’s good fun just trying to spot old and quirky pieces like the glow-in-the-dark ghost. The entire film looks brilliant, vibrant and ridiculously detailed – characters even have slight thumbprints. There’s a grade-A voice cast, with a lot of distinguishable and entertaining character actors in the mix. It’s also one of the few films that is universally funny; covering the slapstick / physical gags but including a layer of smart ‘adult’ satire and running gags for the duration – it’s consistently funny. There are a few stumbling blocks though: the bigger action scenes are too fast/shaky/blurry to keep up with; the split realities at the end knocks the wind out of the finale’s sail; some of the Lego franchises feel shoe-horned in; and for a film that preaches “use your imagination” to everyone, it’s literally a scene-for-scene re-telling of The Matrix… which is a touch disappointing and hypocritical. However, all things considered, The Lego Movie is a damn fine kids film, and even a damn fine film by normal standards. Highly entertaining and uplifting, if unapologetically unoriginal, family BLOCK-buster.

Score: 8/10

The Lego Movie Wallpaper Green Lantern Superman Wonderwoman Robbin Batman FlashThe Lego Movie Poster Emmet House

0818-movies-fall-sidebar

Inescapable: an ex-military intelligence officer loses his daughter while she’s travelling Europe, so he jets over and tries to hunt her down. That plot sounds familiar… This is essentially a more bureaucratic version of Taken/Taken 2/Frantic – with fewer thrills, and more focus on the ‘Eastern mystery’ angle. What’s quite good is that almost everyone the father meets is quite shifty, so you never really know what direction the plot is going to turn. Set in Syria (Damascus), it’s not particularly sympathetic to the country, nor are the American actor’s accents. 24 bad guy / all-round TV actor Siddig feels like he’s channeling the spirit of Bryan Mills a little too hard with the hushed, gristly hero yank voice. Inescapable is solid, but unremarkable; interesting, but not smart enough; not fantastic, but not awful… a totally middle-of-the-road movie.

Score: 4.5/10

The awesome people that follow me on twitter will be familiar with #searchtermoftheday – a regular feature of the best searches that real people type in to real search engines, which (somehow) directs them to this site.

Unfortunately, Google have started encrypting their searches, meaning that the majority of search engine referrals are no longer known – so enjoy these while you can. Here are some of the greatest hits from the past few years. It should be obvious they they’re 100% genuine / real, because nobody could think them up…

Amusing / phrasing

  • devout ass
  • boobs all size abcdefgh
  • courtroom puns
  • stupid catface photos
  • movie with alot of action and tits
  • hats with special powers
  • james bond licensed chest wigs
  • unimaginable lust
  • Mark ROFLoMark ROFLO
  • jackie chan asian?
  • skid marks + mtv room raiders
  • monkey is a good pet?
  • blowjobs please
  • the fighter ugliest cast ever
  • give me a parafraph about jesus was a commie
  • pancakes are fucking gay
  • massive fannies
  • midget mechanics
  • someone please explain tree of life
  • chick fights boobs everywhere
  • boys bumming each other

Stupid Questions:

Weirdly specific

  • cartoon images of men who is going through menopause
  • japanese naked women on salarymen’s desks
  • first experience of going to the cinema adult style
  • big bouncy tits shot full of bullets by zombies
  • old tv show where a man has two personalities in one hes an assigned killer in the other hes a loving husband
  • big fake titties, guns & manly shit that’s gonna piss your girlfriend off
  • “unique is young, full of energy and a bottom girl that loves big dicks on her men and the darker the better!”
  • write a short paragraph about your experience with your friend to go camping
  • adult foreign film from 1980s where fox hunters on horse back hunted nude women
  • the pornsite jay was using in the inbetweeners movie
  • My parents went to Miami and all I got was molested by my neighbor
  • cannibal story of young girls being fucked milked then gets crushed up

Saught-after celebrity body parts (these are around 40% of incoming hits):

Fetish / Sexy-to-someone / Fapping

  • womenpigsex
  • horse penis
  • dogporn film
  • upskirts vintage martial arts girls
  • sumo sex
  • huge monster dildo shop
  • unthinkable penisNude Nuns Big Guns based on a true story
  • xxx rat torture
  • vibrator fight
  • pointy tits
  • penis biting gore movies
  • bikini clad bitches playing chess
  • women pig sexual
  • mega fuck slut masturbator
  • lara croft bound and gagged
  • http://www.madogasex.com
  • classic porn movie with rose in pussy
  • batman and catwoman get busy
  • bondage chess
  • kate beckinsale tied up
  • bizarre bestiality productions
  • why wank with ham?
  • jock strap stories
  • needles in tits movies
  • “assassin” “porn” “silencer”
  • tall moustached transvestites
  • cool big semi trucks and hot chicks
  • bouncing round breasts in horror thriller film
  • babes on horseback
  • pterodectyl porn
  • guys with huge nipples
  • smurf sex

 

What are your best search terms? And why are some people still allowed online?!?!

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