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Maniac 1980 Orginal Joe Spinell, Caroline Munro, Abigail Clayton, Kelly Piper, Rita Montone, Tom Savini, Hyla Marrow, James Brewster, Linda Lee Walter, Tracie Evans

Maniac (Original – 1980): A psychopathic killer is on a spree in New York, terrorising and scalping the public. This one bursts out the gates with two pretty graphic murders, and is evenly punctuated with some full-on eye-opening, jaw-dropping gore throughout. Once scene in particular had me completely shocked – which is a total rarity. Joe Spinell puts in a top shift as the unhinged lead; switching from feral, deranged and demented through to normal, vulnerable, childlike, and charming. The audio helps emphasise the unsettling vibes the movie gives, with creepy internal dialogue and an off-kilter synth/electro track for tension building. It’s visually strange too, with creepy mannequins, seedy New York locations, and a bizarrely open ending. Put this all together and you have a film that’s way above the standard of the genre, and arguably beyond the taste of other slashers from this era. Dark, completely bonkers, and still genuinely shocking 35 years on; Maniac is a thoroughbred slasher film that’s difficult to enjoy, easy to appreciate – but ultimately hard to recommend to anyone that doesn’t like video nasties.

Score: 7.5/10

Maniac Original 1980 Joe Spinell, Caroline Munro, Abigail Clayton, Kelly Piper, Rita Montone, Tom Savini, Hyla Marrow, James Brewster, Linda Lee Walter, Tracie Evans

 

Starving Games 01 Maiara Walsh, Brant Daugherty, Alexandria Deberry, Nick Gomez, Cody Christian, Diedrich Bader, Lauren Bowles, Ashton Leigh, Joseph Aviel, Alice Ford, Theodus Crane, Beau Brasseaux
The Starving Games: A Hunger Games spoof from the team that brought you Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, Epic Movie and Scary Movie. Not wanting to limit the laughs, the film takes potshots at pretty much everything and everyone in popular-culture: from big movies, celebrities and memes, through to the obligatory staple poop jokes and voyeuristic camerawork. There’s a few good movie-related quips – “His only Facebook friend is Mel Gibson etc – but for the most part, the movie just takes a scene from The Hunger Games, makes it silly, throws in a bunch of pop-references and rolls with it. Some of the humour’s good, although every joke gets stretched out to the point that it’s no longer funny. At 70 minutes it feels pretty light – and even then, a lot of the runtime is made up of a dozen reaction shots for every joke. The production’s high for this kind of film, and the impersonations in particular are surprisingly good in the looks and accent departments. If your expectations are realistic, and you like the movies mentioned in that first sentence, there’s no reason why you wouldn’t dig The Starving Games – and even if you don’t like these kind of movies, there’s got to be something in here that will make you laugh as it’s not half as smelly as you’d assume.
Score: 3/10
Starving Games 02 LMFAO Maiara Walsh, Brant Daugherty, Alexandria Deberry, Nick Gomez, Cody Christian, Diedrich Bader, Lauren Bowles, Ashton Leigh, Joseph Aviel, Alice Ford, Theodus Crane, Beau Brasseaux Starving Games 05 Taylor Swift Maiara Walsh, Brant Daugherty, Alexandria Deberry, Nick Gomez, Cody Christian, Diedrich Bader, Lauren Bowles, Ashton Leigh, Joseph Aviel, Alice Ford, Theodus Crane, Beau Brasseaux Starving Games 06 Expendables Maiara Walsh, Brant Daugherty, Alexandria Deberry, Nick Gomez, Cody Christian, Diedrich Bader, Lauren Bowles, Ashton Leigh, Joseph Aviel, Alice Ford, Theodus Crane, Beau Brasseaux Starving Games 07 Avengers Maiara Walsh, Brant Daugherty, Alexandria Deberry, Nick Gomez, Cody Christian, Diedrich Bader, Lauren Bowles, Ashton Leigh, Joseph Aviel, Alice Ford, Theodus Crane, Beau Brasseaux

Sightseers ginger knitted

Sightseers: Chris and Tina are having a wild holiday: transport museum, pencil museum, stone circles… and the occasional murder. At the heart of this film are two great, stripped back, performances that really aid the shock and laugh factors – especially in that they’re both played so straight, normal and plain ‘anorak’ types. Alice Lowe in particular has the added slant of being exceptionally sheltered and not quite all there – both acted superbly. The humour and jokes are absolutely jet-black (dark matter/black hole black); most laughs are immediately followed “WTF did I just hear/see?!” thoughts, which is a refreshing reaction. Despite being dry, witty, black and comedic, it’s absolutely rooted in reality, with the down-to-earth characters, and boring settings and caravan lifestyle. This will do well overseas, but the British awkwardness and self-deprecation really helps you adds to the appreciate of this. A film as bold, intense and claustrophobic as Kill List would always be near-impossible to follow, but Wheatley has a right-good stab at this and produces one of the most memorable black comedies of recent times.

Score: 7.5/10

Taken 2: Bryan Mills and his ‘very particular set of skills’ are hunted down by the relatives of the bad guys from Paris (Taken). If Mr Megaton had stuck to the surefire winning formula of the first film, he’d have been OK, however, he strays way off topic. Action, drama and no-brain story: 66% – this is far to silly to have any sense of drama or threat. Hard-hitting fight-scenes: 33% – my beloved, worn-down, Taken DVD is 18-rated, this was a 12A, with all of the bloody bone-crunching edges are taken off. Liam Neeson acting well: – 15% – he totally looks like he can not be arsed here, as do most of the cast. A brief list of the memorable moments tell you more about the tone of the film that any sensible review could:

  • Maggie Grace gratuitously running around in a Bikini
  • Maggie Gracehaving not passed her driving test – executing perfect evasive/offensive driving
  • Maggie Grace throwing grenades on Istanbul roofs so Neeson can locate her.
  • Neeson being left in a room, alone, for a long time
  • Neeson having a mini-phone in his pocket
  • Neeson walking through Istanbul navigating using only his ears.

Overall, it feels like far more like a “Shit, we accidentally got a worldwide hit from a B-movie – may as well cash-in with a rushed sequel” affair, over a well-thought out, original, nasty, well done action flick. All that being said, Taken 2 is nowhere near as bad as the critics have made it out to be, there’s more than enough mindless action scenes to keep audiences entertained.

Score: 5.5/10

Stitches: six years after being bullied to death at a party full of brats, Stitches the clown returns for some blood-splattering revenge. As a low-budget british comedy horror, Stitches looks way slicker than it should, and the physical old-skool horror FX are great as impressive as they are fun – very Carpenter, what with all the exploding/bursting limbs, impalement and generally gruesome and comedic deaths. The film’s other main weapon is the streak of black humour throughout; it definitely passes the Kermode 6-laugh test with ease, although it feels like there’s room for a lot much more gags. Ross Noble is the only really notable cast member (Other than Monster Munch Mary!) as the can’t-be-assed clown with a bucket full of so-bad-they’re-good puns and quips, and a taste of the ridiculous. The story’s pretty crap, bu that’s to be expected in this territory. Stitches is a passably funny slasher-at-a-party horror romp that makes up for its shortcomings by laying out some of the goriest, bloodiest and ridiculously entertaining death sequences.

Score: 5/10

Stake Land: when his mum, dad and baby sibling get their shit ruined, Martin is taken under the wing of a Vampire Hunter, and they make their way north to a vampire-free sanctuary. It’s easy to forget that this is a B-movie; no stars, no big sets, ton of gore, no-name production company… yet it’s well filmed, looks great an doesn’t just rely on schlock or clichés. in fact, it’s because this is a B-movie that this packs more of a punch; there’s not much character sentimentality, and several pretty rough scenes to watch. The story’s great, and keeps you intrigued, even with a distinct lack of dialogue, ridiculous cult, and almost no character backstory. The creatures are somewhat of a Zombie/Vampire mish-mash, that land somewhere between Romero, Rami and a manga adaptation. Breathing new life in to busy, but rapidly boring genre, Stake Land is a solid entry, proving that vampires don’t have to suck, and that the horror genre can step up it’s game now and again.

Score: 7.5/10

Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Mary Kay Bergman, Isaac Hayes, George Clooney, Minnie Driver

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut: Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny get their first feature-length musical where they must save the world, watch their language, and find the clitoris. Musically, this film’s got so many great and memorable songs: Uncle Fucka, Blame Canada, What would Brian Boitano Do?, I’m Super and my personal favourite, the La Resistance medley. And it’s not just the musical numbers – the entire score is top-notch. It wouldn’t be South Park without an endless string of satirical stabs at pop culture and celebrities – it even parodies the backlash against the TV show. BLU takes vulgarity to the next level, but it’s always tongue-in-cheek: reaction to lines like “I just don’t trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn’t die” is a rarely experienced contrast of horror and laughter. This is one of the best things that Matt and Trey have written – with gag after quotable gag that puts the current, churned out, episodes to shame; and while the gags are rapid-firing there’s so much attention to detail in the background. They ran wild with it and it totally worked, I guess it was a build-up of ideas they wanted to put on TV but couldn’t. It’s a great film, and well over 10 years later it’s still hilarious

Score: 8.5/10