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Kickboxer Acrobatics Alain Moussi, Christopher Lambert, Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Jessica Jann, Mike Tyson, Miles Strommen, Sam Medina, Sara Malakul Lane, Steven SwadlingKickboxer: Retaliation – a year after killing Tong Po to avenge his brother’s murder, MMA champ Kurt Sloan is kidnapped and forced to fight a new underground deathmatch champion. After a dubious opening Bond-lite salsa dance / train fight, the film is rigidly punctuated with some outstanding action set pieces. The choreography in a couple of the fights is jaw-dropping, especially the single takes at the jailhouse (3 mins uninterrupted), and riverside rumble (inexplicably set to the Surfaris ‘Wipe Out’). The ‘Final Boss’ fight against Game of Thrones“The Mountain” is 20 minutes of bone-crunching savagery that reaches previously uncharted levels of OMGWTF twists and turns. Outside of the fights however, the film doesn’t feel particularly well put-together: the direction is weaker than the previous outing – jerking between various scenes, locations, filler Thailand Tourist Board type shots…  and there’s no attempt at updating anything about the generic 80s action plot. Cast-wise, almost everything else is in the shadow of Moussi’s physicality and technical ability: Bjornsson is an intimidating force (when he’s not strumming an acoustic guitar for no reason!); JCVD’s charisma brightens up his scenes; Tyson hams it up and gets some laughs; but disappointingly, Christopher Lambert has nothing more to do than growl some threats and react to big hits (away from everyone else). What it lacks in originality and direction, Kickboxer Retaliation makes up by leaving no stuntman unscathed and no prop unsmashed; the fight scenes are top-drawer, and it makes you wish that Alain Moussi would get the chance to go toe to toe with the likes of Iko Uwais and Donnie Yen.

Score: 5/10

Kickboxer JCVD Menton Alain Moussi, Christopher Lambert, Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Jessica Jann, Mike Tyson, Miles Strommen, Sam Medina, Sara Malakul Lane, Steven Swadling

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Spring Breakers Bikini Hot Pants Cutoffs Harmony Korine, Benoît Debie, Ashley Benson, Vanessa Hudgens, Selena Gomez, Rachel Korine, James Franco

Spring Breakers: to fund their Spring Break, a ‘curvaceous quartet’ of gals rob a diner, which leads them to a decadent gangbanger rapper called “Alien”. Not one to watch with your parents, this opens with some terrible dubstep, and bikini babes partying (and a record-breaking 30 seconds ‘til the first slow-motion beer-covered tiddies). Despite being so sensational in parts the runtime hopscotches between a) surreal mix of “poignant & brilliant coming-of-age moments” (some of the most authentic-feeling ‘college girl’ insights) and b) “handheld/realistic/hedonistic Girls-Gone-Wild-type shenanigans”. It uses a very peculiar – non-standard – cinematic language that takes a while to tune in to; feeling almost dream-like, or stream-of-consciousness. Something more akin to a music video or (trying my hardest not to sound like a wanker here) “Liquid narrative”. There’s a heavily saturated / neon-drenched / golden hour colour palette that bumps already strong imagery up to the next level. Although it sells the film short; Spring Breakers feels like Michael Bay, Gaspar Noe, and Nicolas Winding Refn (content, narrative, cinematography respectively) got together to create a subversive alternative to the coming-of-age genre. The pairing of director Korine and legendary cinematographer Benoít Debie has produced something so sensorial and peculiar that it’s impossible to articulate. Is Spring Breakers a great film? Doubtful. Is it an important film? Possibly. Is it an interesting film? You bechurass it is!

Score: 7/10

Spring Breakers Neon Dock Harmony Korine, Benoît Debie, Ashley Benson, Vanessa Hudgens, Selena Gomez, Rachel Korine, James FrancoSpring Breakers Bikini Arrest Handcuffs Cops Harmony Korine, Benoît Debie, Ashley Benson, Vanessa Hudgens, Selena Gomez, Rachel Korine, James FrancoSpring Breakers Balaclava Harmony Korine, Benoît Debie, Ashley Benson, Vanessa Hudgens, Selena Gomez, Rachel Korine, James FrancoSpring Breakers Bikini Line Up Bra Panties Harmony Korine, Benoît Debie, Ashley Benson, Vanessa Hudgens, Selena Gomez, Rachel Korine, James FrancoSpring Breakers Title Card Neon Poster Logo Harmony Korine, Benoît Debie, Ashley Benson, Vanessa Hudgens, Selena Gomez, Rachel Korine, James FrancoSpring Breakers Bikini Court Arrest Harmony Korine, Benoît Debie, Ashley Benson, Vanessa Hudgens, Selena Gomez, Rachel Korine, James Franco

Mads Mikkelsen, Alexandra Rapaport, Thomas Bo Larsen, Susse Wold, Lars Ranthe, Anne Louise Hassing, Bjarne Henriksen, Annika Wedderkopp, Lasse Fogelstrøm, Ole Dupont, Thomas Vinterberg

The Hunt (aka Jagten): a nursery teacher’s life is pulled from beneath him when one of his very young students falsely accuses him of a sexual act. The film has a highly naturalistic, almost documentary-style (think Dogme 95) which creates a very realistic world and really gives you the impression that this could be any guy in this position. Being in almost every frame, the film puts a lot of stock in to Mads, but it pays off as he delivers an absolute powerhouse performance – he’s an everyman, but not like the other men around, and we see enough of him to empathise with his new fate. The middle act is particularly moving & emotional, and feels like a critique of the “guilty until proven innocent” society we live in at the moment. It’s even more interesting re-watching this through the 2017 ‘scandal of the week’ lens in this post-Weinstein abuse era. There are some very tough scenes like child counselor meeting and Lucas trying in vain to reason with his closest family and friends. Raw, emotional and affecting, The Hunt is a modern classic, and will no doubt be one of Mikkelsen and Vinterberg’s career highlights, no matter what else they go on to do.

Score: 9/10

Mads Mikkelsen, Alexandra Rapaport, Thomas Bo Larsen, Susse Wold, Lars Ranthe, Anne Louise Hassing, Bjarne Henriksen, Annika Wedderkopp, Lasse Fogelstrøm, Ole Dupont, Thomas Vinterberg

Mads Mikkelsen, Alexandra Rapaport, Thomas Bo Larsen, Susse Wold, Lars Ranthe, Anne Louise Hassing, Bjarne Henriksen, Annika Wedderkopp, Lasse Fogelstrøm, Ole Dupont, Thomas Vinterberg

Alejandro Jodorowsky, Brontis Jodorowsky, Alfonso Arau, José Luis Fernández, Alf Junco, Jacqueline Luis, Mara Lorenzio, Paula Romo, David Silva, Héctor Martínez, José Legarreta

El topo: a surreal wild-west-type cowboy tale that’s heavy on the religious symbolism and appeared to have been conceived (& filmed) whilst on all of the drugs. The biggest thing this film has going for it is reel after reel of top-shelf insanity and phenomenal imagery: attempting to put some of the scenes into words wouldn’t do them justice – but suffice to say that the locations, landscapes, characters, and overall visuals are absolutely remarkable. Beyond the aesthetics, the rest of the film feels like a hodgepodge of themes, styles, and ideas. The tone continually bounces around from jarring “Texas Chainsaw” style, straight into to a Russ Meyers type shoe-sniffer: from po-faced religious moments through to Blazing Saddles levels of stupidity. It’s also – unfortunately – a film of two halves, that gets tangled up after the initial “mission” and really loses the head of steam (and patience) that the first have had built up. The foley work is particularly terrible – the film is shot outdoors, but most of the speech and effects appear to have been recorded in a boxy echo chamber. There’s also a lot of violent (although reddest blood ever) and exploitative stuff in here too, like the misuse of religion, lesbians, and midgets & disabled people for no real reason. Bizarre and easily one of the strangest & most overlooked cult movies ever made, El Topo is the most peculiar of beasts, that’s only worth watching for it’s sublime and visionary aesthetic.

Score: 5/10

Alejandro Jodorowsky, Brontis Jodorowsky, Alfonso Arau, José Luis Fernández, Alf Junco, Jacqueline Luis, Mara Lorenzio, Paula Romo, David Silva, Héctor Martínez, José Legarreta

Alejandro Jodorowsky, Brontis Jodorowsky, Alfonso Arau, José Luis Fernández, Alf Junco, Jacqueline Luis, Mara Lorenzio, Paula Romo, David Silva, Héctor Martínez, José Legarreta

Alejandro Jodorowsky, Brontis Jodorowsky, Alfonso Arau, José Luis Fernández, Alf Junco, Jacqueline Luis, Mara Lorenzio, Paula Romo, David Silva, Héctor Martínez, José Legarreta

Alejandro Jodorowsky, Brontis Jodorowsky, Alfonso Arau, José Luis Fernández, Alf Junco, Jacqueline Luis, Mara Lorenzio, Paula Romo, David Silva, Héctor Martínez, José Legarreta

 

The Love Witch Banner Poster Samantha Robinson, Gian Keys, Laura Waddell, Jeffrey Vincent Parise, Jared Sanford, Robert Seeley, Jennifer Ingrum, Clive Ashborn, Stephen Wozniak, Elle Eva

The Love Witch: a modern-day witch is testing her potions on handsome men in a quest to find true love. I don’t think I’ve seen a more accurate and loving homage to retro-cinema… the saturated colours, audio fidelity, camera techniques, soundtrack, editing, clothes, lighting, stilted dialogue, and general B-movie tackiness… it’s all there, and it’s all immaculate; to the point where it’s difficult to accurately date. There’s also no other way to describe the fantastical / surreal / dreamlike / kitschy aesthetic than a “luscious eyegasm”. It is, however, disappointing that the actual content of the film is wafer thin: there’s a lot of super-shallow and tedious “but what IS love” type chatting and, more generally, it sticks far too rigidly to the 60s B-movie structure without adding or updating a single point. Picking up a 15-rating, it’s also a touch on the timid side for what could (and should?) have been a great gore-fest or sexploitation romp. The final complaint is that – although it’s absolutely gorgeous – the film is 30-minutes too long: the entire final act (renaissance fair / musical numbers) really tries the viewers patience. I’m not 100% sure it’s the feminist piece it’s being championed as (it’s a mental woman on a killing spree) but I will say that this is pure catnip for goth/burlesque/alternative people. The Love Witch is a film that puts everything in to its style and vision; leaving the rest of the film feeling slight… although blimey Charlie, it doesn’t half look beautiful.

Score: 4/10

The Love Witch Laboratory Samantha Robinson, Gian Keys, Laura Waddell, Jeffrey Vincent Parise, Jared Sanford, Robert Seeley, Jennifer Ingrum, Clive Ashborn, Stephen Wozniak, Elle Evans

The Love Witch Interior Samantha Robinson, Gian Keys, Laura Waddell, Jeffrey Vincent Parise, Jared Sanford, Robert Seeley, Jennifer Ingrum, Clive Ashborn, Stephen Wozniak, Elle EvansThe Love Witch Pentagram Samantha Robinson, Gian Keys, Laura Waddell, Jeffrey Vincent Parise, Jared Sanford, Robert Seeley, Jennifer Ingrum, Clive Ashborn, Stephen Wozniak, Elle Evans

Aftermath, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Scoot McNairy, Maggie Grace, Judah Nelson, Larry Sullivan, Jason McCune, Glenn Morshower, Mariana Klaveno, Martin Donovan, Hannah Ware, Christopher Darg

Aftermath [mild spoilers]: follows two men after a fatal airplane collision that changes their lives forever. The film starts with a relentlessly grim and drawn-out opening act in which both leads deal with the shock of their situation, frequently tipping over into forced melodrama; it’s all very burdensome and somber. Where the film really fails to deliver is after a 70 minute gloomy setup; the ‘climactic payoff’ is far too brief, and then we get a post-script ‘years later’ scene that you could see coming a mile off. Stylistically, the film is equally austere, with a grayed out colour palate; it starts at Christmas for no real reason than to crank up the sorrow-o-meter; and contains some rather clunky imagery & parallels between the leads’ lives. Strangely, the movie takes a powerful real-life story and changes core elements that ultimately lessens the story’s impact in the fictionalized movie version. I’m a huge Arnie fan – and think he’s a better actor than he’s generally given credit for – however this film asks a little too much of him: there are moments where you can see him struggle with the emotions. Scoot McNairy is rather good, but doesn’t get a lot of gears to change through. From the director of Bltiz (a solid police action/drama) the lack of action and tunneled focus on tragedy feels like a huge – but just-missed – leap. Aftermath is by no means a bad film, but it is a very heavy film about a very heavy subject that you’d need to be in a particular mood to watch.

Score: 3/10

Aftermath, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Scoot McNairy, Maggie Grace, Judah Nelson, Larry Sullivan, Jason McCune, Glenn Morshower, Mariana Klaveno, Martin Donovan, Hannah Ware, Christopher Darg

 kickboxer-vengeance-2016-alain-moussi-jean-claude-van-damme-dave-batista-darren-shahlavi-gina-carano-georges-st-pierre-sara-malakul-lane-matthew-ziff-t-j-storm-steven-swadling-michel-qissi

Kickboxer: Vengeance – when his brother is killed in an underground deathmatch by the brutal Tong Po, a young fighter plots his revenge with the help of a master fighter (JCVD). I love martial arts movies and despite what you’ve read elsewhere this is a solid remake. First off; there’s shitloads of fighting – as in every five minutes, fight fight fight. There’s all the punches, all the kicks, a homoerotic rain fight, workmen walking through fights with panes of glass… there’s even a couple of street / marketplace fights that remind you of something like Ong Bak. Director John Stockwell clearly knows and respects the ancestry of this film; retaining key markers like the training montages, and bringing back key cast members; he even throws in some gratuitous boobs… however, most of the cheesier elements have been dropped and the story is more (Tong) po-faced. Just when you think they missed out the infamous car crash drunk dancing scene our new lead pays his respects with some truly horrendous Van Damme jivin’ during the end credits. Casting-wise, the new lead (Moussi) isn’t much of an actor, but what he lacks in charisma he makes up for with some high end fighting/action/stunt prowess; Batista doesn’t have a whole lot to do, although he’s a larger-than-life baddie; meanwhile JCVD steals all of his scenes with his cheeky acting chops, legendary moves, and unbelievably shredded torso. My only real niggle was the weirdly flashy subtitles clearly aimed at people who don’t read subtitles!. There’s a lot of misplaced nostalgia for the original Kickboxer: it’s ultra-80s, it hasn’t aged well, didn’t actually contain much fighting or action, and was basically a showcase for JCVDs moves. Kickboxer Vengeance however is a worthwhile and respectful remake that’s short on acting but crammed full of action. A sturdy modern martial arts movie.

Score: 7/10