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Yearly Archives: 2010

RED

October 27, 2010
Film Reviews
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RED: (Retired, Extremely Dangerous) A retired Black Ops soldier is targeted by a hit team, so he calls a favour on his old-time buddies to get to the bottom of it all. I guess the best thing about this newfangled trend of adapting the shit out of every comic ever made is that – on the whole – the source material is usually good, and abundant. Because of this, RED is watchable enough as the story predictably lurches forward, however the way it’s all presented on the big screen is nothing new – peppered with gratuitous fights, action and explosions. They must have known the story was ten-a-penny before they pulled in such a heavy-hitting cast: Malkovich steals every scene with his familiar oddball routine, and the only other person that turns in something good is the determined agent Karl Urban. Everyone else, including Bruce Willis, is on cruise control, and despite being OK, everyone seems more interested in making a quick buck than doing anything noteworthy. There’s a couple of ‘hostage humour’ laughs as Willis tries to win over a girl that looks half his age, and the overall script is decent. Between the massive cast and unusually low certificate for an ation/spy flick (all violence and most swear words are edited out or covered up) this is clearly all about getting as many bums on as many seats as possible. RED nowhere near as good as the sum of its parts – and ends up being nothing more than a Bourne/Salt/A-Team re-hash, with marginally more interesting than average geriatric characters.

Score: 5/10

Easy A

October 26, 2010
Film Reviews
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Easy A: A respectable girl’s social and financial situation improves as a little white lie snowballs out of control. Being Emma Stone’s (The chick from Superbad and Zombieland) first lead role, she holds the screen and story quite well – especially given that it’s a one-girl show. Sure every other character is a stereotype, and all the ‘school kids’ are in their 20s, but hey, at least they don’t need much developing – the eccentric family’s in there for nothing more than comedy value, and it works well. It doesn’t paint christians in a particularly good light, but what does these days? The soundtrack’s also spot on, and more generally, a lot of this film ticks the John Hughes boxes. For a modern comedy it got a pretty high number of chuckles from the audience. The story itself is a good idea but doesn’t stand up for much of the second half as it all turns a bit ridiculous – probably somewhere between Mean Girls and American Pie. There’s not that much more to say, it’s a quite entertaining, quite quirky teen comedy – girls can probably relate to more

Score: 6.5/10

City of God

October 22, 2010
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City of God: documents around a decade of life in a Rio De Janeiro favela (slum). It starts with 30 minutes of back story then dips in and out of flashback for the rest of the movie. To emphasise the violence in the hood the film’s pretty brutal in parts – ‘hand or foot’ and Knockout Ned scenes are particularly rough. Unfortunately, what’s supposed to be the film’s most crucial scene (in the nightclub) was ruined by strobing lights. For me, the main guy Rocket is a too easy-going: he never really seems to care much about losing his girl, then his job, then some family – and doesn’t want revenge. It’s probably about 20 minutes too long too. The overall message is that everyone, from respectable citizens through to the tiny children, ends up being pulled into the self-destructive criminal / gang lifestyle – and it’s hammered home through pretty much every character’s story progression. The critics said that Slumdog was better than this… and they must have been high. City of God is a well-told, pretty slick, cinematic epic that’s often called ‘the Brazilian Goodfellas‘ (bold statement). It’s definitely a must-see for fans of crime and world cinema.

Score: 8/10

Also, if you liked this the same director went on to do Blindness – well worth checking out.

Mystic River

October 12, 2010
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Mystic River: drama/mystery that follows three childhood friends in Boston from a day that changed all of their lives forever. Acting-wise, this is an absolute powerhouse of a roster with too many big names to do justice; Penn‘s passion and attitude are outstanding – a career-defining role for him, Bacon‘s awesome at staying cool and reserved, Fishbourne‘s flawless as a badass cop, Robbins is great at portraying a man on the edge, and hell, even the bit-part boyfriend’s hyper believable… everyone involved is outstanding. Technically, the film’s a masterpiece. Every shot is picturesque, the detail’s all there, the camerawork is spot-on, the direction is simple but effective and the lighting in particular adds a whole other dimension to the film – most noticeable with Robbins, who’s progressively lit to look more crooked and bizarre as the film goes on. The final product is haunting, atmospheric and unbelievably gripping as it builds up to the finale. On paper, this is as depressing a story as any other Eastwood film of late – but with a cast this strong, great pacing and simple storytelling this a proper tour de force – and while it is quite bleak, that’s where all of the mystery and drama comes from. in a nutshell, this is simply a great film.

Score: 9/10

Zombie Beach Party

October 7, 2010
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Zombie Beach Party: aka (Zombie King and the Legion of Doom aka Enter… Zombie King) A troupe of masked wrestlers tag up to fight off a powerful arch enemy and his army of the undead before they take over the town! The good stuff: nice Inter-title cards introducing the main cast at the start, some pretty good and fun exhibition wrestling fights, super-rapid Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart cameo (as the sheriff). The bad stuff: more so than most b-movies there’s pretty much no acting (face or voice) as all the main characters wear masks, the night scenes are terrible due to bad lighting, poor quality film stock, on top of all the usual B-movie gaffes. The film tried to be a parody of the zombie genre and a homage to wrestling – it does both, but neither particularly well, not to mention there’s almost no zombie action! At the end of the day this ring-slid well underneath my bottom rope expectation!! Wrestlemaniac was way better, and that’s saying somehting!

Score: 2/10

District 9

October 5, 2010
Film Reviews
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District 9: part-documentary about life in South Africa 20 years after aliens first landed on earth. This is an unbelievably fresh take on the alien/sci-fi movie and when you pair the idea with such outstanding graphics, the film looks and feels a thousand times more real and believable than the clichéd outer-space bloodbath. Despite his radical transformation, the acting – pretty much one guy – is very good, and remains believable. It’s quite messy, but the blood, gore and black comedy makes this feel more like Braindead / Bad Taste – ‘specially the alien guns! The last 30 minutes are crammed with cheesy blockbuster action, which feels wrong here and is a bit of a let down: I also hate how humans can use complex, alien machinery without training! South African’s will no doubt pick up the racism and poverty undertones, although they’re not in your face (unless you’re Nigerian or a Nigerian Scammer). It’s a well-made and very fresh idea, that passes far to quickly but falls short in the last quarter. Leaves you hungry for prawns. Second viewing in a year, still great.

Score: 8/10

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

October 3, 2010
Film Reviews
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Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Mary Kay Bergman, Isaac Hayes, George Clooney, Minnie Driver

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut: Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny get their first feature-length musical where they must save the world, watch their language, and find the clitoris. Musically, this film’s got so many great and memorable songs: Uncle Fucka, Blame Canada, What would Brian Boitano Do?, I’m Super and my personal favourite, the La Resistance medley. And it’s not just the musical numbers – the entire score is top-notch. It wouldn’t be South Park without an endless string of satirical stabs at pop culture and celebrities – it even parodies the backlash against the TV show. BLU takes vulgarity to the next level, but it’s always tongue-in-cheek: reaction to lines like “I just don’t trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn’t die” is a rarely experienced contrast of horror and laughter. This is one of the best things that Matt and Trey have written – with gag after quotable gag that puts the current, churned out, episodes to shame; and while the gags are rapid-firing there’s so much attention to detail in the background. They ran wild with it and it totally worked, I guess it was a build-up of ideas they wanted to put on TV but couldn’t. It’s a great film, and well over 10 years later it’s still hilarious

Score: 8.5/10

Coffy

September 22, 2010
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Coffy: her eleven year old sister is a drug addict and her best friend has just been beaten into a coma by crooked cops; the real police aren’t making any progress so the ‘one chick hit-squad’ Coffy goes vigilante! This is the ultimate blaxploitation flick – to the point of parody, with characters like King George, ‘white devil’ speeches and very bad Jamacan accents. Coffy just wouldn’t work without a strong and sexy character like Pam Grier, (who may well be the hottest woman ever captured on film!?) dominating every scene in the film. Even today, it’s refreshing to watch an empowered heroin run around kicking ass. Despite this, every woman in the film – including Coffy – is also there for her legs, chest, ass, or all three. The film starts as it means to continue, with a potent mix of violence and nudity, epitomised by the campy but gritty chick-fight where all the ladies’ tops mysteriously get ripped off – fantastic! One of the only downers of this film is the absolutely terrible, gaudy, descriptive 70s soul music. Coffy is s cool, camp, kitsch and entertaining classic – and way better than Foxy Brown.

Score: 7/10

Fermat’s Room

September 17, 2010
Film Reviews
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Fermat’s Room: A group of Spain’s greatest mathematical geniuses have to fight for their lives after being trapped in a slowly shrinking room, but is everyone there by chance? It’s really interesting watching the story unravel as the characters figure out why they’re there and what connects them all. This has a very cool premise, solid acting, good music, decent graphics, and a very clever (and tight) story. The only major disappointment is that it doesn’t properly milk all of the potential tension that could have come from the claustrophobic, crushing room. Like a high-brow Die Hard 3 / Saw concept, well worth hunting down, especially if you’re a maths whiz.

Score: 6.5/10

Breaking News

September 16, 2010
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Breaking News: takes a hostage situation and shows how the media no longer monopolise the coverage – the criminals use the internet to get their story across to the masses. The opening shot is an unbelievable single take that ends up filming a Heat-esque shoot out – at over 6 minutes long it’s absolutely jaw dropping, phenomenal crane work – planning must have taken weeks. The rest of the film has a late 80s / early 90s vibe… not 2004!!! (Totally corny soundtrack, acting and themes) It’s always nice seeing bad-ass villains bond over cooking too (Fail).  After such an awesome opening the film struggles to match it for the rest of the duration, and the pacing is questionable for the most part. Has some interesting stuff to say about the police and 24/7, always-on-location, news but is hardly the most convincing argument. Would be good for people studying the media, otherwise you’ll find this filed under mediocre Asian cop flick. Other than a few memorable action scenes this is instantly forgettable, and disappointing coming from Jonnie To!

Score: 4/10

Salt

September 15, 2010
Film Reviews
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Salt: (Mild Spoilers) CIA agent Evelyn Salt is accused of being a Russian sleeper assassin and has to go on the run ’til she can prove her innocence – but who are her loyalties to?? Jolie‘s still looking good and does a top job at keeping the character of Salt grounded in reality (even though her action capabilities are anything but realistic). Liev is typical Liev and Ejiofor is Mr bit part again, which is a shame as he can hold his own as a main. Action-wise the film’s pretty good, and although you’ll have seen most of this done before, and better, it’s all done quite well (other then a few super-crazy shaky cam scenes). The story, however, is as uninspired as modern spy thrillers go – with the film twisting its way to the end from about the 40 minute mark. Twists have become so much the staple of this genre that they’re no longer effective – you can also see the plot developments and twists in Salt a million miles off. What ever happened to the good guys being good and bad guys being bad? After years of modern thrillers being based in and around the middle east it’s refreshing to see the good old Col War Russians getting back behind the guns and planning AmericaMageddon!!  All-in, this is essentially Jolie’s chance to play a sexier version of Bourne or Bauer… no complaints from this guy.

Score: 6.5/10

The Matrix

September 14, 2010
Film Reviews
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The Matrix: Action. Adventure. Sci-Fi. Technology. Love story. Tragedy. Mythology. Drama. Explosions. Chases. Fighting. Guns. Lots of Guns. Style. Homage. Technological Advances. Solid acting. Vision. Betrayal. Great characters. Fantastic Soundtrack & OST. Tight script. Mouth-watering visuals. Slick editing. Stunning concept… Absolutely everything about The Matrix is pitch perfect, right down to Reeves’ vacant, and emotionally retarded acting – it just fits the film so well! (Will Smith/Nicholas Cage were first choices for Neo!) Hugo weaving is also brilliant as the borderline pantomime baddie. The fight scenes are outstanding, especially given that none of the actors are martial artists. Unlike 99% of films out there The Matrix is absolutely all killer – every single scene has a purpose. It’s been a career-defining film for everybody involved, and rightly so: cast, directors, tech teams etc. Even over ten years on everything about this is still so, so, so cool. It’s a modern Alice in Wonderland, but where Alice cartwheels while firing a machine gun and bends some spoons with her mind! The film also raised the bar for action / sci-fi and special effects, and the wider cultural impact is enormous. Despite an unhealthy number of viewings over the years (guessing at least 40) this film never gets boring and never loses the awe-factor. I’m struggling to find a single fault in it!

Score: 10/10

800 Bullets

September 13, 2010
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800 Bullets: When you see the phrase “tribute to Spaghetti Western“ splattered all over the box you’re kind of expecting a good old-fashioned cowboy flick, not the story of some washed up stunt guys waiting for the day when Spain will once again be the set of Western movies!! Parts of it are trippy, like some of the midnight movies (Black/White/Red credits especially). There’s the most gratuitous boobs & sex I’ve seen in a long time – you always expected in b-movies but it just feels out of place here. The ending totally doesn’t match the tone of the film. On the up side it’s very Spanish, with emotions flying all over the place and a few familiar names and faces. There’s a handful of classic and iconic Western camera shots scattered throughout, and in general the film looks great – from the landscapes to the costumes. By the end, you could divide 800 Bullets up into the following: 40% banal story focusing on main stuntman’s family; 40% ‘what keeps punters interested’; 20% love letter to old westerns and stunt guys. Overall, it just feels like a pretty bad idea, dragged out for far too long. For stories about washed up stunt men, stick to The Fall and for Spaghetti Western tributes this should do the trick.

Score: 2/10

The Girl Who Played with Fire

September 10, 2010
Film Reviews
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The Girl Who Played with Fire: Lisbeth heads back to Sweden after becoming the number one suspect in a treble murder – she tries to get to the bottom of the set-up while Mikael is out to prove her innocence. The writing is a lot sloppier than Dragon Tattoo with a few cheap characters written in for no reason other than making the story a bit more interesting – particularly the real-life boxer guy and two biker goons. In saying this, the story is still decent, even if it is all geared at backgrounding Lisbeth. Once again the two leads carry the story with enviable ease, Rapace in particular gets a lot of time to shine; the smaller presence of Nyqvist lets the film down a little. It also feels a lot more fictitious, with Mikael main guy out-foxing the police at every turn and Salander’s espionage / fighting super-skills. With a different director behind the camera the tone of the second film is worlds apart from the Dragon Tattoo; couple this with the weaker story and it’s nowhere near as gripping or memorable, as it unfolds somewhat predictably. As a stand alone film this would have been a good effort but after Dragon Tattoo this just seems so much more tamer and safer. Despite this review sounding hella negative Played with Fire is a good film, and does a solid job of keeping the trilogy going, while setting up the third installment.

Score: 6/10

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

September 9, 2010
Film Reviews
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The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo: (Blu Ray) Film adaptation of the eponymous novel – follows an investigative journalist and a computer hacker as they investigate a 40 year old disappearance, which in turn unearths much bigger crimes. The one thing that grabs you for the duration is the performances offered up by the cast, particularly the two mains: Rapace is great at portraying an enigmatic character, who is strong and smart, yet damaged and vulnerable; Nyqvist on the other hand effortlessly portrays a determined journalist and dedicated researcher with incorruptible morals. Mains aside, nobody else really drops the ball either and the strong cast definitely make the film more believable, engaging and gripping. As for the story, you’ve seen it a thousand times before, but never done like this: it’s essentially a Miss Marple ‘whodunnit’ murder mystery served up with a huge wedge of modernity – metro setting, bit of snuff, bit of action, bit of romance, and lots of graphic scenes & descriptions of terrible crimes – add to this a bunch of critiques (violence against women, corrupt big business, modern Sweden…) and you have a very busy film. My favourite aspect of Dragon Tattoo is how the story’s told – it obviously helps to have great source material – but the direction is outstanding, and no matter how hard it gets to watch, or how long it goes on for, you simply can’t stop watching.  My only major nitpick was the constant flashbacks as everything else about the film batted a lot higher. The BD picture is decent enough but typical Scandinavian washed out bleak pallet means that nothing really jumps out – sound again is alright, but nothing special. The final product is a modern facelift of the classic murder mystery that continually makes you wince, yet keeps you hooked through to the very last scene

Score: 8/10

The Expendables

September 8, 2010
Film Reviews
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The Expendables: A band of gruff mercenaries feel up to the task of overthrowing a corrupt Latin-American dictator. First thing’s first: this film has the action cast to end all casts – while it’s not 100% perfect, you just don’t see this many huge names in a film these days. It’s hard to describe but seeing star after star after star is spectacle in itself. Then there’s the action, which is awesome – and although CGI heavy, it’s great fun watching henchmen get mauled by fists, blades, bullets, fire and grenades; watching anything and everything get blown up; watching all the standout musclemen fight each other; and watching set piece after set piece. Little else is particularly noteworthy, but little else matters in a film like this; the script’s terrible laughable, the plot is contrived beyond belief, the acting’s utterly forgettable (everyone’s on auto-pilot) and even the ‘hot chick’ was a bit of a dog. Essentially a B-movie with an A-star cast and massive budget, this isn’t a homage to 1980s blockbuster action films, this is a 1980s blockbuster action film. It’s also an action film for action fans, and it does the big scenes way better than anything else I’ve seen recently. I laughed, I cringed, and I shouted ‘Holy Shit’ (usually while clutching a limb that’d just been snapped on screen) about 20 times. What can I say? I’m a sucker for big names, big guns, big explosions and big set pieces. Roll on the Expendables 2!

Score: 8/10

Piranha

September 7, 2010
Film Reviews
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Piranha: (Piranha 3D – 2010) Spring break is ruined as an earthquake releases a massive school of 2 million year old cannibal super-piranhas into a party-lake!! The movie’s divided in to two parts: set up (nudity-fest and just enough gore) and bloodbath (gore-fest and just enough nudity). The cast is a who’s who of B-movie stars, all typecast and wafer thin characters; in saying that, Christopher Lloyd’s great fun, Ving Rhames is Ving Rames, Kelly Brook is ball-tighteningly hot and porn stars Gianna Michaels / Riley Steele also get their 3D lungs out – no complaints with any of that! The gore‘s decent enough; most of it is real effects so looks pretty good but the CGI is a bit rubbish and the underwater scenes look very dark with the 3D glasses on. The 3D itself is generally good if a tad sloppy – they clearly spent the most time on the buxom booty and a few cheap ‘poke outs’ and not enough time on the piranhas themselves, but on the whole it was decent. There’s a bunch of nice nods to Jaws, from the poster through to ‘the dolly shot’, when Brody realises what’s happening, and even the casting of Dreyfuss. My biggest complaint is that for the robbery extra cost of seeing a 3D flick it’s very short – although given that Piranha barely sustains itself for 75-80 minutes this may be a godsend! All-in Piranha’s everything you expect it to be: shallow and camp, but bulging with entertaining gore, red dye and constant nudity… what more could you want from a B-movie? Guilty pleasure of the summer.

Score: 4.5/10

Gamer

August 24, 2010
Film Reviews
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Gamer: (Blu Ray) it is the future (!) and computer games have reached the next level with humans controlling prisoners in a live PPV bloodsport called Slayers. The film opens with such a WTF battle – guns, explosions, slow mo, blood and teabagging. More generally the action’s scenes feel totally anarchic – good for conveying confusion, bad for having any idea of what’s going on. It takes sci-fi to the next level of ridiculousness with 1980s pseudo science; Butler being mind-controled in a game by some Justin Bieber lookalike through a fake brains… So many parts of the film reek of “This scene / character would be totally LOL” – let’s have the fattest, ugliest, stereotype computer geek – LOL; let’s have butler get drunk, then piss and puke – LOL; let’s get a rapper in it, LOL; Dexter as a baddie would be so LOL…  by the end it’s trying way too hard, especially that ridiculous dance number. The story’s a carbon copy of films like Running Man / Condemned / Death Race – and it has a vibe somewhere between cyberpunk and goth S&M freaks The BD picture’s very good throughout (camerawork and cinematography are great) but the soundtrack is on a whole other level – much like War this works the entire system… would be a great demo, if your shop was for over 18s. All-in, Gamer’s a pretty broad genre-spanning punky type film that doesn’t taking itself too seriously. There’s a good punt at a story, and enough action to keep everyone interested. I got the feeling that Gamer was just a really fun project for the people involved to be working on. Made by video gamers for gamers, while stereotyping their culture and the media… bizarre.

Score: 6/10

Spartacus: Blood and Sand

August 19, 2010
TV
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Spartacus Blood and tits Sand: 150% testosterone-fueled 13-part swords and sandals epic – It’s essentially what would happen if the cast of 300 violated the story and actresses of BBC‘s Rome. I’ll get the controversial stuff out of the way first. Violence, there’s literally GCI bucketloads of flying limbs, heads, blood and teeth every time someone grabs a weapon – most memorable; a gladiator cuts a dead opponent’s face off and wears it as a mask in his next fight – awesome… just awesome. Secondly, Spartacus is a celebration of Skin; it’s a conveyor belt of gratuitous Spartan chests, fake and real breasts, naked men fighting, women getting rammed, guys getting tugged off and gay gladiators bumming each other – most memorable; Lucy “Xena Warrior Princess” Lawless getting her gobstoppers out! Thirdly, the Dialogue sounds like 20 drunk sailors sat at a whiteboard and played the ‘best insult ever’ competition – some of the combinations are so imaginative and foul that they even impressed this sweary Scotsman. Controversy aside the actually story is so, so epic, and nowhere as linear or predictable as you’d expect – it twists and turns right to the last scene with endless betrayals, story developments and murders. The acting is also startlingly good given that there’s very few big names, so many characters, and everyone falls into either i) meat-head gladiators (for action) ii) sexed-up women (for skin) or iii) slimy political figures (for progressing the story). Other than a couple of slower episodes Spartacus is an absolute hit, that gets better as the series progresses: my lady even went from “this is so ridiculous” to a total convert, no mean feat for a series aimed at 15 year old boys! When the show works, it totally works – and if you can see past the gratuitous violence, skin and language – at the heart of Spartacus lies a compelling, well-written and well-executed story. Brilliant mix of drama, action and trash!

Score: 8/10

Life of Brian

August 18, 2010
Film Reviews
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Monty Python’s Life of Brian: (Blu Ray) Monty Python sketch-fest that kind of follows an everyman called Brian, who is mistaken for the messiah and turned into a religious leader. While it was offensive / notorious / boundary-pushing – to the point of struggling to get funding – at its time of release (1979) it doesn’t hold up too well these days. Definitely feels a lot more like a bunch of loosely connected scenes rather than a proper ‘film’ as there’s no constant themes and the story jumps around / gets caught up in tangents. Most disappointingly, it’s not ‘rolling on the floor’ funny, although fans of Python’s erratic / crazy / shouty style will be entertained. There’s some nice nit-bits of historical facts and characters. The BD picture’s pretty grainy, looks a bit washed out but textures do show a lot of detail. The sound starts off well, but most of the scenes end up being a shouty din with a terrible mix – probably down to poor and aged source material. If Monty Python’s your thing then this is decent, but it’s nowhere near the best comedy of all time, or even the best of Python.

Score: 5/10

Films That Defined Us

August 13, 2010
Features
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Because one massive blogging meme just isn’t enough, Marc from Go See Talk took it upon himself to herd cats and get another on the go. This time, it’s about the films that really got us into the movies, and that have ultimately shaped our tastes into what they are today. To find out what everyone else wrote, here’s the master list.

As a nipper, the only surefire way to shut me up for a couple of hours was to plonk me in front of a telly, put on a VHS (those were the days!) and let cinema work its magic. Luckily for me, although my mum and grandad never had as big a collection theirs kicked arse, lots of arse. Below are a few of the films that got me into four of my favourite genres:


Action: as a kid, very few things could match the awesomeness of a James Bond flick. The stunning locations, prettiest women, finest vintage and supercars, cutting-edge technology & gadgets, craziest megalomaniacs, and of course – a super spy to match them all, 007. Even thought we know that Bond always saves the world and gets the girl – and no matter how many times they put that formula together – you usually end up with 90 minutes of cinema gold. The Bond films didn’t just change my taste in film, but was a shot in the arm for the entire Spy genre, inspiring everything from Indiana Jones to inception, Austin Powers to Bourne to Mission Impossible… not to mention and a thousand other rip-off movies and scenes.  Despite knowing every film inside out, Bond’s timeless appeal is still so strong that I recently got the re-mastered Bond collection and plan to start a bond-a-thon soon.

Comedy: makes up a huge chunk of my personality, which I can attribute to a healthy diet of classics from a young age. My super mum was forced to watch her Blazin’ Saddles, Young Frankenstein, Airplane! and the Original Mr Bean tapes way more times than I care to think about. Although great gags deliver the chuckles in a comedy film people easily forget that a comedy is nothing without funny characters, and the films mentioned above have some of the best in the genre – Igor, Waco Kid, Sheriff Bart, Striker, Rumack, Mr Bean…  Other than setting a stupidly high bar for every comedy I’ve seen since, these films have helped me mold a sense of humour that’s seen me perform stand-up and play as a self-deprecating comedy singer for years!

- What do you like to do? - Play chess... screw... - Well, let's play chess.


Horror / Zombie: As a teenager my pal Lummy and I went through a spell of somehow convincing our parents to rent us formerly banned and 18-rated films from our local blockbuster (those were the days!). Titles that stick out the most are Zombie Flesh Eaters (The scene when a chick gets here eye impaled on splintered wood will stay with me forever!), original Dawn of the Dead (although you couldn’t go wrong with any Romero flick – King of the Zombies) and Evil Dead Trilogy (This is My Boomstick!). While literally quenching our thirst for blood, guts and gore these titles also kicked off a life-long love/hate relationship with B-movies, video nasties, the horror channel, and the weird & wonderful Vipco titles. Unfortunately this genre is the least consistent because there are an unimaginable number of terrible titles out there… but that’s kind of why I love it.

Word Cinema: last but not least! Despite seeing the odd foreign film here and there my passion exploded while doing a crash course on World Cinema – purely to make up learning credits at University.  One of the assignments was writing an essay on Lars Von Trier’s Europa – the epic and original visual style, imagery and execution made me realise that there was fantastic cinema beyond UK/US releases. The course also studied and screened quintessential Godard, Fellini, Kurosawa, Bergman, Kieslowski, Truffaut and Lang films. Furthermore, the University library had an outstanding collection of foreign titles from the ‘essential’ classics to all big modern releases. I genuinely went through around 3 films per day in Uni, 90% of them were foreign. Even if it does make me sound like an arse, I generally can’t trust people that snub subs!

Honourable mentions must go out to The Lion King, Mary Poppins and The Matrix – all of which I remember watching until the VHS was worn down… those were the days!

Thanks for reading , and remember to check out all the other site’s articles

Cheers!

The Thick Of It

August 11, 2010
TV
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The Thick of It (Season 3): Fly-on-the-wall mockumentary that takes a satirical look behind the scenes of a governmental department, and British politics in general. It’s essentially The Office, set in Westminster. Synonymous with the show (and ‘In The Loop’ spin-off movie) is Malcolm Tucker. He starts off the season as fantastic insult-generating machine but by half-way mark he’s degenerated into such an unlikable character, that is until we see his human side for an episode, which is a nice touch, but it doesn’t last long. Still “I wouldn’t piss on you if you were allergic to piss” is one of the greatest insults ever. Stuart, the Spin doctor with the bullshit bingo buzzwords was my favourite character, yet biggest stereotype. The rest of the cast hit all the right notes too, and although the characters are all part of the satire, they are rooted firmly in reality, which makes them more believable – much like the situations, storyline and the show overall. Like everything Lannucci does The Thick of It is razor-sharp, and up to the minute. The main problem is that there’s far, far too much fucking swearing in your average fucking episode – so much, that it warrants an 18 cert in the UK, sitcom fail! At the best of times it detracts from the comedy, at the worst of times it sounds like you’re eavesdropping in a prison. Although Malcolm is usually the main source of comedy and is essentially the show’s saviour, it’s too big a task to place on such a hateful character. Funniest in small doses.

Score: 6/10

Genius or Arse #4

August 6, 2010
Genius or Arse
11 Comments

King of the ArsesMel Gibson: Having seen Irreversible, Antichrist, Baise Moi, Audition (+ other Miike films), both Funny Games, Requiem for a Dream, and Spice World, it takes a lot to shock this writer. In saying that, after listening to the leaked Mel Gibson tapes I was positively disgusted. This guy’s supposed to be a devout Christian yet, allegedly hates homosexuals, clearly hates women, allegedly beats women, allegedly hates Jews, drink drives and – more generally – is an all-round out-and-out scrotum. When he’s not massive being a ball-bag in his free time, he’s a ‘practical joker’ on set, playing pranks like flashing his ass, making actors do scenes with clown noses, nailing nude pics of co-stars to crew notice boards and pretending to be a dangerous stalker, or an offensive German alter ego. Most shockingly, if you look at his 25 year career, for such a high-profile actor he hasn’t actually been in a single great film… (Braveheart maybe, but as a Scot, that’s a whole other story!) Not unlike a chronic disease, Gibson is becoming worse and worse but never seems to fuck off.

Verdict: While this has hardly a fair trial, it’s getting harder and harder to defend this guy. Jury votes are in: ‘King of the Arses’

The Edge of Genius or William WallArse – You Decide

The A-Team

August 5, 2010
Film Reviews
7 Comments

The A-Team: a crack commando unit gets sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit; these men promptly escape and try to clear their name, by any means possible! It was an honourable attempt at a decent story, which was good in parts but landed somewhere between you’re average Seagal and Bourne Flick. You get what you see with the simple characters, but it’s hardly a character piece. Hannibal/Neeson looked uncomfortable throughout, but Murdoch/Copley picks up all the slack, and ends up the film’s real star. Patrick Wilson‘s also decent. The action was great, and should leave you grinning ear to ear because it’s cool & gratifying escapism (flying tanks, mad stunts, explosions, dogfights…) right up until the last big play where it got so ridiculous that CGI had to take over. We got a solid 3 months of hype in the UK so I wasn’t expecting much, but The A-Team is simply an enjoyable, over-the-top action film. Probably 20 minutes longer than it should be, but much better than expected.

Score: 7.5/10

Changeling

August 4, 2010
Film Reviews
5 Comments

Changeling: Angelina Jolie gets re-united with her missing son, but all is not what it seems. Jolie’s great, and the cast in general are quite strong, however, I wasn’t entirely convinced with Malkovick. There’s a LOT of terrible accents through the film. It makes all men and police of the time look and sound like assholes, and by the hour mark I was screaming out “OK, the police are corrupt, we get it”. It’s all trundling along in a fairly textbook manner for around 90 minutes but in typical Eastwood style massive, depressing, twisting plot points start firing in until the final scenes. I would re-watch it, but only to play the “my son” drinking game. Overall, the story’s good but it’s dragged out for much longer than it can sustain, and turns into a boring courtroom drama for last 20 mins…

Score: 4/10

Doomsday

July 31, 2010
Film Reviews
2 Comments

Doomsday: Sci-fi action following a hot police babe (Mitra) as she searches post-apocalyptic Scotland for a virus cure. Anything with a pulse is blown up or gunned down in extreme fashion; from axes to the face, tanks rolling over bodies and rabbits being shot to pieces, Doomsday has the bloody quota well and truly covered splattered! Marshal does well with the action here, from a girly sword-fight between two models to a car chase, it’s all handled like a pro. Brilliant vision of a ruined Scotland – tongue in cheek but totally tribal and well realised right down to the little touches like an “out of fucking service” bus sign. The Scottish (& South African) highland scenery is magificent, with a lot of swooping shots of hills, glens and castles!  The strong homegrown cast are also great, with nobody letting the team down. The only thing that this film’s weak on is originality. Whilst it’s not all bad it borrows from a catalogue of classic sci-fi/horror films from Escape from NY to Omega Man, to Resident Evil and everything in between. It’s a good fun splatter-fest that doesn’t take itself too seriously (Two tribes go to war) yet still ticks all the boxes. Definitely worth checking out!

Score: 7/10

Toy Story 3

July 28, 2010
Film Reviews
7 Comments

Toy Story 3: (3D) Follows the usual suspects on another adventure as their beloved owner Andy grows up and heads for college. Because main cast were developed so well in the first two films TS3 is more about the storyline, which isn’t anything new as we’ve seen the whole “adventures in the big wide world” (done better) twice before. It’s also unexpectedly far, far darker than the first two, with 100% more doom & death scenes – and characters, like the unsettling Big Baby. Although dark themes are brought up the universal ones like rejection, growing up, friendship, loss, old vs new etc are all still present and keep the film’s appeal very broad. Where TS3 stands out is that it really tugs on the ol’ heartstrings; I cried happy tears at Buzz’s change and Mr Tortilla head, yet was close to sad tears several times. Newman’s score is terribly safe, but the way it manipulates your feelings is nothing short of amazing. Although it’s easy to take for granted in Pixar films you can’t overlook the broad array of such well-drawn characters (in both sense) backed with superb voice-acting performances – Mr Pricklepants, voiced by Timothy Dalton, was the standout for me – but everyone is great. The 3D element was outstanding – unlike most films that have a flat background and several objects ‘popping out’ TS3-3D shows full-natural depth to give the impression that you are really watching the action.  When Toy Story debuted (in 1995!) as the first full-length CGI movie nobody could have predicted that it would have such an enormous influence on cinema & animation, and kick off one of the best trilogies ever – say what you want, but the Toy Story series stands up to everything else out there. It’s a great way to cap off the tale of a bunch of random plastic toys that have captured the imaginations of children and adults alike.

Score: 8/10

Note: The token Pixar short ‘Day & Night’ was rubbish!

Live!

July 25, 2010
Film Reviews
1 Comment

Live!: Filmed by a documentary crew that are given access to a major Network’s ratings-obsessed – and frequently braless – producer as she turns a sick idea into the most successful reality TV show of all-time. Budget is the obvious constraint here and you get the feeling that the entire process, from idea to release, was all railroaded through with very little thought and even less money. Every character is stock, flawed and/or unbelievable – nobody even has a surname. The acting screams of ‘minimal effort’ at the best of times; omnihotty Eva Mendes doesn’t go beyond 1st gear, but hey, neither does anyone else – even 50 Cent (although he only has 1 line) and Javier Bardem Jeffery Dean Morgan. Despite being marred by cheapness the final 1/3 of the movie – the actual show – is pretty tense, if a little corny. The underlying messages about the public’s consumption and lust for tragedy have been around for decades, and done much better. It’s an interesting premise, but Stick to Series 7 or the Running Man.

Score: 3/10

War

July 21, 2010
Film Reviews
3 Comments

War: (Blu Ray) A gritty cop is out to avenge his partner’s death at the hand of the cockiest and most conspicuous hitman on the planet. Initially, this one doesn’t bat too high; with flashbacks referencing the start of the film after 20 minutes!! It’s also totally textbook, from the archetypal spy/metal music & story-progressing montage through to the constant ‘satellite’ shots and swooping cuts of cars driving over bridges. However, the last 30 minutes or so make this film more than worth persevering with – and in general the film was slicker and smarter than the uninspired synopsis and general image gives it credit for. There’s a lot of decent and original action/choreogrphy threading through the film – the best being an awesome footchase, and a jaw-dropping steakhouse punch up. You know what to expect from Statham and Li, and neither disappoint. The uncompressed audio mix bursts out of every speaker for the full duration creating one of the best soundscapes I’ve heard to date – every word, footstep, punch, gunshot and shatter is crystal clear and mixed in perfectly with the film’s fully orchestrated score  – it’s truly an aural delight that should be a must-have for anyone with a home theater system, indisputable demo material. The picture’s generally good, but has a few bum scenes. Overall, if you like your cop-revenge-action films this is definitely one of the better ones out there – and while it’s not outstanding, there’s a lot of good touches that elevate it above expectations.

Score: 7/10

Marshal and the Movies ‘Origins’ Project

July 20, 2010
Features
3 Comments

Marshall from Marshall and the Movies has recently been putting a lot of work into his Origins Project, which aims to dig out all of our skeletons get to the bottom of why a bunch of movie bloggers got round to starting their beloved sites. The latest installment focuses on none other than Paragraph Film Reviews, so if you want to know a bit more about this site, and your author, click here to read the full, uncensored, interview with lots of naked pictures.

Be sure to navigate around the rest of the site as Marshall is one of those guys that puts a lot of time and effort into making his content interesting & readable – there’s something for everyone there!