Desert Island DVDs

Picture the scene, your author here gets kidnapped by an angry band of disagreeable movie bloggers and left for dead on a remote Desert Island. After 3 months of living off of tree bark and spring water he finds a rusty old lamp, tries to polish it up and WHAM – out pops a Genie. “Oh great one” Says the Genie, stretching, and giving his balls a seriously overdue scratch “You have awoken me from a 10,000 year slumber, and while I’m eternally grateful my wife will be pissed so I need to nip off home and do some washing up. Quickly, tell me eight things you would like…”

After a short think Paul replies. “I’ll have a solar-powered hot tub, an everlasting bottle of chilled Dos Equis, a bottomless bag of hot McChicken Sandwiches and the five most attractive Swedish female volleyball players the history books will ever see”

Fast-forward 25 years and Paul’s getting old, terminally jaded, has serious weight issues, no sexual boundaries left, alcoholism and 5 moody women / 47 unwanted children running around. He yearns to re-live the days where he sat around watching movies all day without a care in the world. It’s even more annoying that he found a 50″ TV and DVD player under a rock some 24 years ago… If he could go back to that fateful day and ask for eight of his finest movies, he would have probably said…

1) BASEketball: This film never fails to make me laugh. Watched it dozens of times growing up, know the script inside out and will never get bored of this. Anything featuring the minds behind Airplane! The Naked Gun and South Park is a surefire winner. Best Scene: pretty much every psyche-out

2) Kill Bill I:
nothing comes closer to filling a man’s insatiable lust for a great revenge tale like Tarrantino’s first Kill Bill Movie. With an epic story and more action than you could shake a stick at. Everything about this is textbook cool. Best Scene: House of Blue Leaves showdown.

3) Goodfellas: one of the best movies ever made and definitely the best gangster film. Screw the Godfather Trilogy, this is where it’s at. Diamond cast and technically it’s still one of the slickest films out there. Best Scene: Shoe Shine / In What Way Am I Funny?

4) Happiness: Every single subject brought up in this film is totally wrong. Rape, paedophilia, sodomy, abuse, massacre, masturbation… yet Todd Solondz manages to make this one of the most unforgettable black comedies known to man. Best scene: Seymour Hoffman’s phone manner.

5) Love Me If You Dare:
outstanding French movie about a life-long romance that starts off brilliantly but strains with age. Guillaume Canet and Marion Cotillard set the screen on fire long before they were household names. Best scene: the dares in school.

6) Oldboy: Korean masterpiece that’s just too damn good to never see again for the rest of your life. Everything about it is just stunning. Best scene: the single-take corridor fight.

7) The Wire: bit of a cheat here but seeing as I rate this higher than any film I’ve seen to date I’d love nothing more than to have the free time to watch it again, and again, and again. Best Scene: Omar, Stringer Bell and Brother Mouzone in the empty building.

8) Swedish Nymph Volleyball Milfs Go Wild*: On a practical note, any red-blooded male’s going to need some company until he’s rescued, dies or tries to escape!

Click here to see the full list of everyone’s Desert Island DVDs

Note: now you know why this isn’t a creative writing blog… *May not be a real movie, but you get the picture!

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25 comments
  1. Steve Perry! Steeeeeve Perry!

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  2. 5) Love Me If You Dare – Love this movie. I’m trying to get the dvd so I can watch it again and again and again :).

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  3. Castor said:

    Good list Paul! I knew Oldboy was going to be in there! Glad to see Kill bill vol I and Goodfellas and you definitely intrigued me with Love Me if you Dare.

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  4. I knew Oldboy would be up there as well.
    This is hilarious Paul What I love is that the opening ends with “If he could go back to that fateful day and ask for eight of his finest movies, he would have probably said…” and then your first film is BASEketkall.
    I had to stop laughing before I could even keep reading! CHEERS!!!

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  5. Aiden R said:

    Happiness, holy fuck, man. Good movie, but I think that’d be my swan song on the island before I offed myself in the ocean. Smart move on #8, too. Gotta have the necessities.

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  6. Olive said:

    Goodfellas definitely does feature on many lists!

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  7. Heather said:

    I’ve never been a fan of BASEketball, but I loved Kill Bill and Goodfellas, and Oldboy is brilliance.

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  8. Fletch said:

    Indeed – wow, Happiness. I think I’d take Requiem for a Dream in the so-depressing-I-want-to-kill-myself spot, though Happiness does at least have the comedy aspect where Requiem doesn’t so much.

    And you indeed rule for not only thinking of it but putting your #8 on there.

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  9. Don’t understand all the hate for Happiness – sure it’s blacker than black but it’s funny as hell! There’s a lot more films on the master list (link below) that I’d count as way more bleak or depressing! Just trying to spread the love with the other titles on there really. And I can’t believe how few guys admitted to something similar to #8!!! SHAME ON YOU ALL.

    Review of Love me If You Dare coming up later this week for those that were intrigued.

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  10. Your life is spinning out of control, seems the whole world’s out to get you…
    Everything’s wrong, nuthin seems right….

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    • Even though some guy’s tryna blackmail you, and your girlfriend thinks eeewww suuucckkkk. It’s-up-for-you-to-let-them-know-that-it-was-all-just-part-of-some-rich-guy’s-evil-plan.

      Oh, and Ross: I hear your mum’s going out with SQUEAK!!!

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  11. mcarteratthemovies said:

    Paul I am so thrilled that you picked “Happiness”! That’s one of my all-time favorite films and made the top 40 of my Top 100 list! So damn depressing but sooooo darkly funny. You’re about the 40th person to pick “Oldboy,” which means it’s time for me to see it.

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    • I just can’t understand all the hate towards Happiness further down the comments :(

      Definitely get your paws on a copy of OldBoy – ’tis but my favourite all-time movie, and well worth that accolade.

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  12. ditty1013 said:

    Oh, I *love* LOVE ME IF YOU DARE, and hardly anyone’s seen it! Such a bizarre and lovely film. Fantastic choice.

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  13. Novroz said:

    I’ve made my list too :)

    I like your choice on kill Bill, the 1st one is way better than the 2nd one

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  14. “bit of a cheat” a who TV series is a lot of cheat but who am I to complain about a list with Oldboy on it. Thanks for joining in.

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  15. You try but you cant let go…
    Its when youre down that you gotta get up!
    Dont let em walk all over your face!

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    • Very lyrical of you Ross McMartin

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  16. Critic Planet said:

    I’m no good at selecting favorite films, but seeing BASEketball on your list gave me a good laugh. It’s the only good film David Zucker has directed in the past 12 yrs. I was impressed to see Happiness on there. It’s a good one. It’s also one of three films my cousin asked me never to show him again.

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  17. Good mix of films on that list. I have yet to watch The Wire, but it’s on my to-see list.

    I think I’m going to switch one of my eight DVDs for the solar-powered hot tub.

    Like

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