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The Kentucky Fried Movie

February 18, 2013
Film Reviews
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Kentucky Fried Movie A Fistful of Yen 01

The Kentucky Fried Movie: a series of spoof movie trailers, commercials, films and news sketches – set out like you’re watching TV. Sometimes going in to a film completely cold is a great thing because when the opening line is a newsreader informing you that “The popcorn you’re eating has been pissed in. Film at 11.” it grabs you by the cojones and tells you everything you need to know about the film. Despite an unorthodox format, it allows the film the freedom to deliver a range of brilliant genre parodies: Women in Prison, Blaxploitation, Disaster Movies, Sex Ed, Russ Meyer, and a 30-minute mini-film “A Fistful of Yen”, which perfectly mocks everything about 70s Kung Fu films, specifically Enter the Dragon – everything is 100%, from the editing and SFX down to the cheesy synths. Written by the Zucker brothers, this has their trademark ‘joke joke joke joke joke’ style, so that even when some miss the mark, the next laugh isn’t far off. The only downside is that because there’s so much going on over so many sketches and ideas, you don’t always get enough time with the funniest characters: Wally and Beave in court were hands-down my favourite. While some comedies are era-specific, relying on the culture and news stories of their time – this film was made in 1977 and is easily one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen. Kentucky Fried Movie is the film that kick-started the careers of the Zucker brothers and John Landis – so if you like their comedies, there’s absolutely no doubt that you’ll love this.

Score: 9/10

Kentucky Fried Movie A Fistful of Yen 02

Kentucky Fried Movie Courtroom

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Naked Killer 2

February 17, 2013
Film Reviews
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Naked Killer 2 - Raped By an Angel - TOP Andrew Lau,  Simon Yam,  Chingmy Yau

Naked Killer 2 (AKA – Raped by an Angel, Super Rape & Legal Rape): A skilled lawyer tries to commit the ‘perfect rape’ by exploiting legal loopholes, planting / fabricating evidence etc. First off, this has nothing other than the ‘Naked Killer’ title tying it to the first movie; think less ‘Naked Killer sequel’ and more ‘Original Raped By An Angel’ film. To re-iterate for emphasis – this is nothing like the first film. Secondly: where ‘Naked Killer’ had a campy, tongue-in-cheek, bawdy, exploitation, cult feel – this one relies on nothing more than cheap in-yer-face shocks, mostly through talking about taboo subjects like rape, aids and blowjob techniques. Thirdly: over 11 minutes of cuts were made on the UK DVD release, so it’s like a CATIII film, but with zero CATII content! The script, editing, acting cuts, and subtitles made for confusing and frustrating viewing – it’s hard to tell what’s happening at the 45 minute mark, let alone where it’s going. This is the ultimate blot on everyone involved’s resumés – and one which I’m sure many will have tried to bury. All in all, Naked Killer 2 / Raped by an Angel is simply a shit film, with everything remotely 18 rated cut out of the UK DVD, and nothing more than a name in connection to the first ‘Naked Killer’ film. Avoid at all costs.

Score: 0.5/10

Note: uploading several DVD screenshots as there’s none online, anywhere at the moment.

Naked Killer 2 - Raped By an Angel DVD Screenshot Screencaps Stills Gallery 1 Andrew Lau,  Simon Yam,  Chingmy Yau Naked Killer 2 - Raped By an Angel DVD Screenshot Screencaps Stills Gallery 2 Andrew Lau,  Simon Yam,  Chingmy Yau Naked Killer 2 - Raped By an Angel DVD Screenshot Screencaps Stills Gallery 3 Andrew Lau,  Simon Yam,  Chingmy Yau Naked Killer 2 - Raped By an Angel DVD Screenshot Screencaps Stills Gallery 4 Andrew Lau,  Simon Yam,  Chingmy Yau Naked Killer 2 - Raped By an Angel DVD Screenshot Screencaps Stills Gallery 5 Andrew Lau,  Simon Yam,  Chingmy Yau Naked Killer 2 - Raped By an Angel DVD Screenshot Screencaps Stills Gallery 6 Andrew Lau,  Simon Yam,  Chingmy Yau Naked Killer 2 - Raped By an Angel DVD Screenshot Screencaps Stills Gallery 7 Andrew Lau,  Simon Yam,  Chingmy Yau

Dead Man’s Shoes

February 15, 2013
Film Reviews
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Dead Man’s Shoes: an on-edge soldier returns home to find that local thugs have been taking advantage of his disabled brother; revenge is definitely on the cards. The story’s powerful, harrowing, chilling and hard to watch in parts (mostly the flashbacks). First time round I thought Paddy stole the show but on re-watching, his brother (Kebbell) is equally fantastic; most of the antagonists are on top form too. The soundtrack fits perfectly, making the overall ambiance more effective, disturbing you as much as the brief bursts of violence. There are some beautiful moments of black comedy in the spraypaint and comedy car – but they’re only momentary distractions. The only downside is that it feels padded out in parts, with a very long opening and plenty of scenic shots – although it could be argued that it adds to the film’s character. As a thriller, Dead Man’s Shoe is top-notch, and punches way above its low-budget social micro-thriller status.

Score: 8.5/10

The Front Line

March 27, 2012
Film Reviews
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The Front Line (a.k.a. Battle of Highlands): a lieutenant is sent to the front line to investigate potential betrayal and espionage among the South Korean army. The main plot point is as compelling as you could ask for in a War film: North and South Korea sacrificing over 50,000 soldiers to continually fight over one ‘strategic’ hill that would shape the border when the country is divided – control of the hill flipped between North/South over 30 times during the Korean War, it’s unbelievable. Interestingly, it’s politically neutral – there’s no ‘bad guys’ as both sides are painted as simply following the mad orders from above. The battle scenes are scarily realistic and intense, peaking in a brutal, heartbreaking, final 25 minutes, as the story takes one last turn. The performances are solid, soldiers come across as realistic & human, and are developed enough that you care about them – there’s more emotion than most war movies, although there are points where it’s tipped into manipulative melodrama. This also helps the impact of the toll of war on these guys; shell shock / injuries / senseless violence / limb-loss. The side-story about the box used to swap supplies is also a nice touch. There’s not much colour in the movie, grey, greens and white snow are about as bright as it gets, and there’s a hammy song repeated several times, but they’re minor complaints.The Front Line delivers everything required of a war picture, and can easily stand up there alongside Assembly as the best Asian War films I’ve seen.

Score: 7.5/10

Evidence

February 28, 2012
Film Reviews
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Evidence arrives on DVD on 12th March! Check out what the critics have to say... “SO AMAZING IT TAKES THE WHOLE SHOCKUMENTARY FORMAT TO ANOTHER LEVEL.” Film4 Frightfest "EVIDENCE DELIVERS THE UNEXPECTED LIKE FEW FILMS DO" DreadCentral.com "EVIDENCE IS TRULY SCARY" Fangoria "A SMART AND TERRIFYING THRILLER FILLE WITH UNEXPECTED SURPRISES" Horrornews.net

Evidence: while shooting a documentary four young campers find themselves in the middle of an increasingly creepy situation. The opening half is front-loaded with the standard box o’ tricks to pull you through the slow, familiar, setup – dead animals, tits, lesbian kissing, howling, mysterious sightings, jumps… no trick is left unused and it’s all a bit ‘meh’. Hand-held found footage documentary style is an instant disability these days for several reasons: 1) it’s a hard sell to viewers. 2) Plenty shaky, out-of-focus or focusing footage. 3) Characters constantly drawing attention to camera. 4) What they go through, nobody would drag a camera around. 5) First person in the woods, just screams Blair Witch… Despite all of this, the second half is where it picks up, the action kicks in, the critters come out to play. No monsters is left unrepresented: critters, ghosts, bigfoot, rabid zombies, lurching aliens (very Attack the Block-y) all chasing after the campers. This section is solid horror, and reminded me most of the first few Resident Evil games – the docu cam also works best here as it plays out like a rapid pace first-person shooter. Technically, the film’s decent given the budget; the picture is sharp when it has to be and the scares / jumps work well. Having a boring setup and killer payoff split the film down the middle, but it is worth sticking to the end of this.

Score: 5.5/10

Favourite Seat at the Movies

December 12, 2011
Features
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What’s your favourite seat at the cinema, and why?

Anybody that goes to the cinema regularly will undoubtedly become a creature of habit. Whether it’s getting there just in time to miss the repetitive adverts or film-spoiling trailers, buying / bringing your favourite snack (must be a silent one), hogging your ideal parking place, hitting on unsuspecting student staff, sitting in your favourite block, row; or more specifically – that perfect seat. Even the finest critic in the country has his favourite seat, which reassures me somewhat. Here’s where my one is and why I love it.

Position: smack-bang in the middle of the back row, of the flat front section, and here’s why…

  • The high seat back blocks out most sounds from the tiered section behind, where everyone else is sitting. There’s also an aisle-length gap between you and the nearest person behind. Bliss.
  • There’s never anyone in front of you – unless the screen is unusually busy. This eliminates fidget, hat, afro, giant and mobile phone based distractions in view.
  • The screen looks enormous, like it should! What’s the point in sitting in the back row (unless you’re with a hussy!) where the screen takes up the same percentage in your field of vision as your TV would at home?!?! This is the cinema, it’s supposed to be massive!
  • You’re right next to the chest-thumping bass speakers underneath the screen, and the Dolby/THX sound design is optimized, coming from the front, sides and behind your seat. Meanwhile the hussy in the back row is only getting stereo sound.
  • As all other seats in this block are generally empty, essential toilet breaking is swift and effective, and you avoid the embarrassment of accidental lapdancing.
  • You don’t notice when the anti-piracy staff come in and do their rounds with the night-vision goggles – this always distracts and angers me more than it should – install a camera on the roof!
  • When the film ends, you’re right next to the doors and don’t have to wait for the token slow-mos to begin their epic descent from row J – swiftest exit in the screen.
  • Every wrinkle, hair, eyelash, scar, mole, shadow, surface, texture, button, background, minute detail is there… cinema screen resolution this close is absolutely unbeatable.

The only time this location doesn’t work is for 3D (it’s best to be in the middle of the screen’s height) and the only possible downside with my favourite seat is that people with bad necks or eyes may struggle to last the duration.

Feels like I’ve just given away a trade secret… which leaves me wondering, does anyone else have a preference when it comes to seating in the cinema, or is it just me being a total weirdo?! Feel free to comment, or ping back your own post.

/Paul

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Slop Bucket: 2011

December 6, 2011
Film Reviews, Slop Bucket
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Because I don’t have enough of opinions, passion or conviction to finish off these – here’s a catch-up / rundown of the movies I caught over the past 12 months that won’t get full reviews.

Super 8
Nostalgic love letter to 1980s action/adventure/family films
Fist-bitingly self-referential through the junior filmmaker angle
Kids were annoying beyond belief and all spoke like adults
The two fathers were the best thing about the cast
Poorly judged humour throughout, none of the ‘jokes’ were funny
Story was a faily textbook alien / monster mash
Nothing new or special.
Like JJ was more concerned about giving Spielberg’s a hummer
TAGS: Aliens, Cubes, Roswell, My Sharona, Braces, Annoying kids, Theif, Tutting.

Score: 6/10

—–

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Biggest boob is that you know so little about the 4 potential traitors that you can’t really hazard a decent guess, which makes the massive reveal obsolete and emotionally redundant
Never really picks up the pace, and gets bogged down in the massive story
Period settings were impressive
Acting was solid, but spread too thinly to provide a dominating lead / outstanding performance
Stodgy film, never breaks walking pace
Disappointing overall given the mega cast.
TAGS: Faceshot, Everyone Smokes 20 a day, Lighter, Vodka, Ugly Glasses,

Score: 4/10

—–

Cowboys and Aliens
Steady, interesting mix of two blockbuster genres. Did make the film a bit confused and borderline silly at times
Aliens and the CGI were solid.
Daniel Craig plays the man with no name well; Ford does his grumpy old man routine again. Making the most of the woman, it’s nothing short of eye-raping fanboy praise for the body of Olivia Wilde – any opportunity to showcase the curves.
Good fun, dumb blockbuster, big action and entertaining enough.
TAGS: Knife, Scarface, Hand…Ouch, Beard, Lasso, Stiff Nips, bracelet, wrist gun, bad teeth

Score: 6.5/10

—–

Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Racist robots, loads of ridiculous in-your-face advertising.
Become de-sensitised to the big, loud, dumb action very quickly
Feminism fail.  EPIC feminism fail
Annoying small Beavis and Butthead robots are up there with Jar Jar Binks
Too many poorly judged comic relief moments and characters.
The NASA link and story was pretty interesting, Karma’d out by the Chernobyl bit, which was completely tasteless.
Whatever happened to Michael Bay?
TAGS: Pout, Cleavage, Cisco, racist robots, crash bang wallop,

Score: 3/10

—–

Attack the Block
Heroes are a bucnh of knife-criming kids from the ghetto… strange choice
Some top-drawer gore for a teen film – neck being chewed off and brains being squashed out of someone’s mouth.
Monsters are cool,
Although people drop off for the duration, there’s not much sense of horror / danger.
TAGS: Black, Glowing Teeth, Gore, Blood, Hoodies, Yobs, High-Rise, Drugs

Score: 6/10

—–

Source Code
Decent, but not as good as Moon
Tight, solid sci-fi blockbuster.
No matter how big, expensive and mainstream films like this get – you still can’t beat Primer.
TAGS: Train, Groundhog Day, Quantum Physics, Brains, frostbite, drty bomb,

Score: 7/10

—–

Rango
“I once found a human spleen in my fecal matter” – out of nowhere. Line of the year contender.
Four owls were pretty annoying, much like the singing mice in Babe.
Would probably be offended if I was Mexican
Depp’s voice acting is bizarro – doesn’t really sound like him
Overall very strong voice cast,
Almost no original ideas or imagery – it’s a ‘homage’-o-rama
Tags: Talking Animals, smoking animals, drinking animals, Water, water shortage,

Score: 5/10

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Drive Angry 3D
Accountant Fitchner is the best thing by a mile.
If seeing Nicolas Cage roll about shagging a girl in the middle of a gunfight and winning if cool – this is your lucky day
Amber Herd – huba huba huba huba huba huba huba…
Tons of attitude
3D’s great and gimmicky – the way it should be
Mark it down as another Hammy and OTT Cage film; standing like a douche with really Bad Hair,
It’s good, but not half as good as it could and should have been given the trailers and premise
TAGS: Alcoholism, Tits, Legs, Denims, Everythingshot!!

Score: 6/10

—–

True Grit
[Ultra positive Metro, Pro-Oscar review in the Metro with Ross Vs Ross]
Bridge’s incoherent accent grates by the end of the picture, I’d just given up trying to figure out what he was saying
Some strange humour laced throughout
Some overdrawn scenes like the bartering / campfire chats – just seem to go on and on.
Solid enough picture, but had expected a lot more from the Coens and Oscar-heavy cast.
TAGS: Horses, Horseshot!, Bad teeth, moustaches, Bear Man, Subtitles PLZ

Score: 6.5/10

—–

The Green Hornet 3D:
Seth Rogen just babbles and babbles 99% bullshit filler and 1% actually funny jokes / immature insults.
Ghondry has absolutely no stamp on this maybe other than the very last scene.
3D was far too subtle and only served to dull the picture
It did have a really nice/cool retro vibe, from the clothes to the cars and sets
Snapped table legs being rammed into someone’s eyes stood out as being a bit mental for a 12A
Total buddy cop/hero flick by the numbers: everything’s cool -> OMG they hate each other -> Everything’s cool again.
Harmless comedy vacuum with a couple of laughs, none memorable.
TAGS: Date rape smoke, beers, 3D,

Score: 4/10

New feature: Walkouts

October 7, 2011
Walkout
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Because of my awesome unlimited cinema card with Cineworld, infinite online streaming with Love Film and more generally having a massive DVD/BD collection I’m getting to the point where I’ll be damned to sit through an entire film that I’m not enjoying and waste another 60 / 90 / 120 minutes of my life. As the years go on the tolerance level seems to be decreasing rapidly, so much so that it’s now worthy of it’s own feature and category.

For these films I’ll tell you how long I lasted, why the film wasn’t doing it for me, and what the alternative plans were – plans that were much better than watching the film – at least at the time…