Because I don’t have enough of opinions, passion or conviction to finish off these – here’s a catch-up / rundown of the movies I caught over the past 12 months that won’t get full reviews.
Nostalgic love letter to 1980s action/adventure/family films
Fist-bitingly self-referential through the junior filmmaker angle
Kids were annoying beyond belief and all spoke like adults
The two fathers were the best thing about the cast
Poorly judged humour throughout, none of the ‘jokes’ were funny
Story was a faily textbook alien / monster mash
Nothing new or special.
Like JJ was more concerned about giving Spielberg’s a hummer
TAGS: Aliens, Cubes, Roswell, My Sharona, Braces, Annoying kids, Theif, Tutting.
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Biggest boob is that you know so little about the 4 potential traitors that you can’t really hazard a decent guess, which makes the massive reveal obsolete and emotionally redundant
Never really picks up the pace, and gets bogged down in the massive story
Period settings were impressive
Acting was solid, but spread too thinly to provide a dominating lead / outstanding performance
Stodgy film, never breaks walking pace
Disappointing overall given the mega cast.
TAGS: Faceshot, Everyone Smokes 20 a day, Lighter, Vodka, Ugly Glasses,
Cowboys and Aliens
Steady, interesting mix of two blockbuster genres. Did make the film a bit confused and borderline silly at times
Aliens and the CGI were solid.
Daniel Craig plays the man with no name well; Ford does his grumpy old man routine again. Making the most of the woman, it’s nothing short of eye-raping fanboy praise for the body of Olivia Wilde – any opportunity to showcase the curves.
Good fun, dumb blockbuster, big action and entertaining enough.
TAGS: Knife, Scarface, Hand…Ouch, Beard, Lasso, Stiff Nips, bracelet, wrist gun, bad teeth
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Racist robots, loads of ridiculous in-your-face advertising.
Become de-sensitised to the big, loud, dumb action very quickly
Feminism fail. EPIC feminism fail
Annoying small Beavis and Butthead robots are up there with Jar Jar Binks
Too many poorly judged comic relief moments and characters.
The NASA link and story was pretty interesting, Karma’d out by the Chernobyl bit, which was completely tasteless.
Whatever happened to Michael Bay?
TAGS: Pout, Cleavage, Cisco, racist robots, crash bang wallop,
Attack the Block
Heroes are a bucnh of knife-criming kids from the ghetto… strange choice
Some top-drawer gore for a teen film – neck being chewed off and brains being squashed out of someone’s mouth.
Monsters are cool,
Although people drop off for the duration, there’s not much sense of horror / danger.
TAGS: Black, Glowing Teeth, Gore, Blood, Hoodies, Yobs, High-Rise, Drugs
Decent, but not as good as Moon
Tight, solid sci-fi blockbuster.
No matter how big, expensive and mainstream films like this get – you still can’t beat Primer.
TAGS: Train, Groundhog Day, Quantum Physics, Brains, frostbite, drty bomb,
“I once found a human spleen in my fecal matter” – out of nowhere. Line of the year contender.
Four owls were pretty annoying, much like the singing mice in Babe.
Would probably be offended if I was Mexican
Depp’s voice acting is bizarro – doesn’t really sound like him
Overall very strong voice cast,
Almost no original ideas or imagery – it’s a ‘homage’-o-rama
Tags: Talking Animals, smoking animals, drinking animals, Water, water shortage,
Drive Angry 3D
Accountant Fitchner is the best thing by a mile.
If seeing Nicolas Cage roll about shagging a girl in the middle of a gunfight and winning if cool – this is your lucky day
Amber Herd – huba huba huba huba huba huba huba…
Tons of attitude
3D’s great and gimmicky – the way it should be
Mark it down as another Hammy and OTT Cage film; standing like a douche with really Bad Hair,
It’s good, but not half as good as it could and should have been given the trailers and premise
TAGS: Alcoholism, Tits, Legs, Denims, Everythingshot!!
[Ultra positive Metro, Pro-Oscar review in the Metro with Ross Vs Ross]
Bridge’s incoherent accent grates by the end of the picture, I’d just given up trying to figure out what he was saying
Some strange humour laced throughout
Some overdrawn scenes like the bartering / campfire chats – just seem to go on and on.
Solid enough picture, but had expected a lot more from the Coens and Oscar-heavy cast.
TAGS: Horses, Horseshot!, Bad teeth, moustaches, Bear Man, Subtitles PLZ
The Green Hornet 3D:
Seth Rogen just babbles and babbles 99% bullshit filler and 1% actually funny jokes / immature insults.
Ghondry has absolutely no stamp on this maybe other than the very last scene.
3D was far too subtle and only served to dull the picture
It did have a really nice/cool retro vibe, from the clothes to the cars and sets
Snapped table legs being rammed into someone’s eyes stood out as being a bit mental for a 12A
Total buddy cop/hero flick by the numbers: everything’s cool -> OMG they hate each other -> Everything’s cool again.
Harmless comedy vacuum with a couple of laughs, none memorable.
TAGS: Date rape smoke, beers, 3D,