Candy Strippers

April 19, 2010
Film Reviews
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Candy Strippers: A gherkin-looking membrane transfers and infects female hospital workers through kissing, turning them into seductive murderers… nothing to do with pole-dancers; I want my money back! Definitely bags the ‘Misleading title of the year’ award. It’s refreshing only having infected female killers for a change, but that’s where the originality ends. The last 40 minutes is just 20-somethings carelessly running around a hospital getting chopped up one by one. The last 10 ten minutes is a ludicrous needle-fest. Generally skipped through all the ‘plot building’ after the 20 minute mark. Nothing groundbreaking here: lame ‘monster’, average gore, terrible gags, unfathomably hot females, some gratuitous boobs and dumb people doing dumb things.

Score: 1.5/10

Love Me If You Dare

April 17, 2010
Film Reviews
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Love Me If You Dare: Two children start a game that plays through both of their lives. As they grow up the game consumes them, eventually blurring the line between what’s playtime and genuine. Because of this the film is fully-stocked in the drama department, and it’s heightened even more by Cotillard and Canet‘s knockout performances & fantastic chemistry – especially as the game intensifies and the characters should become less likable. The film’s style slowly transforms from trippy and dream-like through to bleak and gritty, echoing the characters as they age from cute kids to jaded adults. The story and script are so poetic, stylish and quirky that it could only be French! A dozen versions of ‘La Vie En Rose’ dominate the soundtrack but it never gets boring – may have even subliminally got Marion Cotillard cast as Édith Piaf in her biographical film. The ending comes out of nowhere. and is quite bittersweet given the tone of the majority of the film, however the last few scenes leave a sweet taste in your mouth. Yes, they’re not role models and yes it gets silly at times but this is one of the most unforgettable romances I’ve ever seen. Definitely a Desert Island DVD.

Score: 7.5/10

Kick-Ass

April 14, 2010
Film Reviews
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Kick Ass: A guy who’s only power is being invisible (to girls) sets out to become a crime-fighting ‘superhero’. in order to remain original, which it does pretty well, Kick Ass avoids the usual comic book clichés – however the film suffers because the story’s pretty flat. All of the main characters are well-played, especially Cage and Strong, although you don’t see nearly enough of anyone that isn’t Dave Lizewski/Kick Ass; and as a lead he’s not that interesting! My biggest problem was that it kept leaping between American Pie style comedy, shock value, grim & realistic violence, outrageously OTT fantasy/comic violence, romance, gangster… This will drag you through so many genres (sublime and ridiculous) that you never know what’s coming or how you’re supposed to react.  Some of the action scenes are fairly frantic and unclear, especially the lame “doom style” night vision shootout!! It should have been about 30 minutes shorter and borrowed a lot of visuals from the recent Spiderman flicks. Despite the bashing above it is good fun, pretty entertaining and there are LOADS of comic-references for your inner-nerd to pick out – for me however it was a bit too superficial and the saturated trailer campaign absolutely ruined all the best bits.

Score: 6/10

Desert Island DVDs

April 11, 2010
Features
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Picture the scene, your author here gets kidnapped by an angry band of disagreeable movie bloggers and left for dead on a remote Desert Island. After 3 months of living off of tree bark and spring water he finds a rusty old lamp, tries to polish it up and WHAM – out pops a Genie. “Oh great one” Says the Genie, stretching, and giving his balls a seriously overdue scratch “You have awoken me from a 10,000 year slumber, and while I’m eternally grateful my wife will be pissed so I need to nip off home and do some washing up. Quickly, tell me eight things you would like…”

After a short think Paul replies. “I’ll have a solar-powered hot tub, an everlasting bottle of chilled Dos Equis, a bottomless bag of hot McChicken Sandwiches and the five most attractive Swedish female volleyball players the history books will ever see”

Fast-forward 25 years and Paul’s getting old, terminally jaded, has serious weight issues, no sexual boundaries left, alcoholism and 5 moody women / 47 unwanted children running around. He yearns to re-live the days where he sat around watching movies all day without a care in the world. It’s even more annoying that he found a 50″ TV and DVD player under a rock some 24 years ago… If he could go back to that fateful day and ask for eight of his finest movies, he would have probably said…

1) BASEketball: This film never fails to make me laugh. Watched it dozens of times growing up, know the script inside out and will never get bored of this. Anything featuring the minds behind Airplane! The Naked Gun and South Park is a surefire winner. Best Scene: pretty much every psyche-out

2) Kill Bill I: nothing comes closer to filling a man’s insatiable lust for a great revenge tale like Tarrantino’s first Kill Bill Movie. With an epic story and more action than you could shake a stick at. Everything about this is textbook cool. Best Scene: House of Blue Leaves showdown.

3) Goodfellas: one of the best movies ever made and definitely the best gangster film. Screw the Godfather Trilogy, this is where it’s at. Diamond cast and technically it’s still one of the slickest films out there. Best Scene: Shoe Shine / In What Way Am I Funny?

4) Happiness: Every single subject brought up in this film is totally wrong. Rape, paedophilia, sodomy, abuse, massacre, masturbation… yet Todd Solondz manages to make this one of the most unforgettable black comedies known to man. Best scene: Seymour Hoffman’s phone manner.

5) Love Me If You Dare: outstanding French movie about a life-long romance that starts off brilliantly but strains with age. Guillaume Canet and Marion Cotillard set the screen on fire long before they were household names. Best scene: the dares in school.

6) Oldboy: Korean masterpiece that’s just too damn good to never see again for the rest of your life. Everything about it is just stunning. Best scene: the single-take corridor fight.

7) The Wire: bit of a cheat here but seeing as I rate this higher than any film I’ve seen to date I’d love nothing more than to have the free time to watch it again, and again, and again. Best Scene: Omar, Stringer Bell and Brother Mouzone in the empty building.

8) Swedish Nymph Volleyball Milfs Go Wild*: On a practical note, any red-blooded male’s going to need some company until he’s rescued, dies or tries to escape!

Click here to see the full list of everyone’s Desert Island DVDs

Note: now you know why this isn’t a creative writing blog… *May not be a real movie, but you get the picture!

Stop Watching, Start Writing

April 9, 2010
Features
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Script Frenzy: Having reached the end of my outstanding reviews the site’s going to slow down a little for the rest of April. Main reason for this: Script Frenzy! it’s basically a collective effort to get as many movie buffs as possible into writing a script. It may be a week in already but it’s not too late to join. The site’s got loads of awesome writer’s resources, links to scrip writing software, and has a great community vibe. All this makes it the shot in the arm that your project’s sorely needing (definitely helped my one get off the ground!!). Here’s some info on the whole shebang:

Official Script Frenzy Site

Do it

Who: You and everyone you know. No experience required.

What: 100 pages of original scripted material in 30 days. (Screenplays, stage plays, TV shows, short films, and graphic novels are all welcome.)

When: April 1 – 30. Every year. Mark your calendars.

Where: Online and in person (if you want!). Hang out in the forums, join your fellow participants at write-ins, and make friends by adding writing buddies online.

Why: Because you have a story to tell. Because you want a creative challenge. Because you’ll be disappointed if you missed out on the adventure. Because you need to make time for you.

How: Sign up. Tell everyone that you are in the Frenzy. Clear your calendar. (US participants: Get your taxes done now!) Start some wrist exercises. Have fun!

Do it

I’ll post an update at the end of the month to let everyone know how it went. If anyone else decides to join my name’s “ParagraphFilmReviews”.

The Fall

April 6, 2010
Film Reviews
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The Fall: (Blu Ray) With a ‘to watch’ pile this big it’s uncommon for me to re-watch a film, even rarer viewing one several times within a year, but after subjecting many a friend to the DVD I couldn’t pass up a loan of this Blu Ray. The Fall is pretty impossible to pigeonhole but would probably fall more under the Art realm than just a plain ol’ Movie. In saying this, the mythical storyline is pure cinema escapism that you rarely see these days: much like the magic Cinema would have had like in the 1920s. There’s more eye-popping locations on display than the finest travel brochure – so many that some get no more than 1/4 second glimpse: Colosseum, Eiffel Tower… Both lead characters are fantastic; Pace should be a much bigger star and the young girl Catinca Untaru will be, mark my words! The scenery, costumes, textures and detail of the picture is phenomenal, it’s what BD was made for! The Bulgarian Symphony Orchestra ensure the soundtrack’s epic, making the BD a must see. There’s a few spells of trippy visuals and the story won’t be for absolutely everyone but I would encourage anybody to give this a shot. Reining in my initial score from a 9.5 to an 8, although the first viewing DID blow me away that much.

Score: 8/10

Original Review

Kaispace: Films you didn’t know you needed to see

Blades of Glory

April 5, 2010
Film Reviews
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Blades of Glory: started off very strongly by backgrounding the characters and fierce competition, paired with commentators on the BASEketball level of awesomeness. Unfortunately it fizzles out a little when the focus shifts off the rink and a fairly uninspired underdog / unlikely friendship story plays out. The characters definitely have their moments but they’re no Ron Burgundy or Napoleon Dynamite. Even Will Arnett couldn’t muster up many laughs, an indication of the patchy script. I’ll buy a meal to the people who made Jenna Fischer look that hot! The rest of the film relies on the innuendo of male skaters and there’s a whole load of skating stars & references throughout. Probably more for fans of the sport than Joe Public but there are some good bits scattered throughout.

Score: 5.5/10

Zinda

April 2, 2010
Film Reviews
3 Comments

Zinda: Unauthorised remake… Absolute rip-off of Oldboy. Story-wise it’s an ‘Indianized’ version of the original; scene for scene – barring the first and last five minutes – but with all humour, taboo, acting, style (and everything that makes the original great & watchable) ripped out. The script is beyond terrible & drifted between Hindi and English, which is bizarre, stupid and very annoying. The main fight scene is totally lame-o. It looks like this was filmed in the 1990s, on a home video camera with all colour deliberately washed-out, leaving a depressing blue. The shitty distributor logo (Eros) keeps appearing on the top left. There’s a ridiculous soft porn scene and loads of close-up torture / wound stitching for no real reason. The ending’s still messed up, despite being completely different, hats off for that. If I’d never seen or heard of Oldboy I’d have thought the story was alright but poorly executed (perhaps a 4/10) but having seen, and love, Oldboy I’m going to have to make sure this one’s dead and buried. Shame on everyone involved!

Score: 0.5/10

The Blind Side

April 1, 2010
Film Reviews
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The Blind Side: Rich white family take in a homeless black dude and fund his transformation into an American Football star. Biggest shock for me was Sandy’s Oscar. She was believable, but showed no range, coasting in her comfort zone – playing the perfect, morally righteous, confident soccer-mum – in saying that she seems to be getting hotter with age! Not doubting her talent but getting one over on Mirren & Streep… dubious.  Big Mike was convincing as the unobtrusive, good-natured, underdog. Can anyone tell me why is Kathy Bates always an inspirational Southerner?! For me, this fell under the ‘comedy’ branch more than anything else, focusing on the inspirational and feel-good stuff and shunning any saddening backstory. It would help to know a bit about the American College system and American Football going in to this. It’s  a good story, told quite well but is so All-American, almost to the point of stereotype: the good Christian mum, American Dream dad, prosperous children, poor ghetto boy, blockhead coach… It was on track for a 7 but just refused lay off with the nicey nice.

Score: 6.5/10

The Dark Knight

March 31, 2010
Film Reviews
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The Dark Knight: (Blu Ray) Opens up with one of the best bank jobs in history and almost everything going forward is first class; especially the story, enemies, drama and action – it’s all just so epic. Heath Ledger’s absolutely on fire as the anarchist Joker, genuinely looking insane – watching his lips, tongue and ticks should freak anyone out – and he nails the offbeat humour with conviction to spare. Bale continues to make Bruce/Batman believable as the human-turn-superhero. Katie Holmes magically transforms into Maggie Gyllenhaal; no complaints from this reviewer. Eckhart’s great, despite only being able to half-act in the last hour. Lt. Gordon wins my ‘Worst husband ever’ award, no contest. Downsides: it’s a tad long and has lots crammed in (the last half hour could have been in a third movie, and a great posthumous send-off to Ledger?), Batman’s voice is ridiculous and Two-Face / Dawes / Scarecrow don’t get nearly enough screen time. The picture’s great with fantastic detail and stunning aerial shots, but once again the bombastic sound dominates the disc – every gunshot, explosion & Batmobile ride rocks you to the bone. The constant thrills and spills topped off with slick visuals and a great cast make The Dark Knight far superior to the strung-out character study of Wayne that was ‘Batman Begins’. With a final movie just being announced I’m drooling at the prospect, although I don’t fancy the chances of it topping this.

Score: 8/10

Batman Begins

March 30, 2010
Film Reviews
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Batman Begins: (Blu Ray) Going to be controversial and say that this one bored the pants off of me. Because it’s a re-boot it’s laden with backstory and takes about 40 minutes before it gets going. Caine & Freeman are too safely cast and the so-called ‘jokes’ all fall flat, landing somewhere between ‘terrible’ and ‘was that supposed to be funny?’ For the positives it definitely makes batman cool and scary again – miles away from the campy original or souped up 90s movies. Gotham’s got a nice hint of Metropolis about it. The picture is very dark, so it doesn’t blow you away. On the other hand, the sound will as it dominates all speakers, especially the Bass – fans should get the BD. Overall it’s too long, quite boring and Wayne has no really cool enemies. It does tee-up the Dark Knight well though…

Score: 4.5/10

Conversations With Other Women

March 29, 2010
Film Reviews
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Conversation(s) with Other Women: Two people meet at a wedding and spend the night talking, loads. For being dialogue driven the script really shines, making the film interesting to watch, slowly unravelling aspects of each character. The entire film’s in split screen, which is a great concept and is well utilised. It takes a few scenes to get used to but helps the film flow with a great rhythm – and allows you get the unbroken present story and additional info from the past, present or future. There’s two utterly believable performances of tainted middle-agers on display and although Aaron Eckhart’s always been a favourite, I never really rated Helena Bonham Carter until I saw this. The wedding cameraman is a memorable minor character, the first lift scene is entertaining and this flick can boast the best use of Rilo Kiley in a movie to date. I haven’t gone from ‘skeptical’ to ‘loving it’ whilst watching a film in a long time. It’s smart, witty and sophisticated, particularly given how crud most similar movies end up being.

Score: 8/10

Titanic

March 27, 2010
Film Reviews
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Titanic: What can you say about this that hasn’t already been said? The continual use of establishing shots and long swoops over the ship confirm that James Cameron was all about the spectacle, size, scale and cutting-edge GCI at the time (sounds familiar…) Although nobody’s looking at her face for the last half hour Winslett’s acting is sketchy at best, DiCaprio out-classes her like you wouldn’t believe but looks sooooo young. It all gets a bit too epic and stupid near the end: gun-fight, child rescue and too many scenes of real-time sinking and survival – although the limp bodies smashing off the railings / propellers are pretty cool! For me, the musician’s sacrifice is the saddest part of the film by a long shot. Overall Titanic is too long, and the present day story’s adds nothing, just serves to deliver some corny / cheesy comedy. Some retrospective tongue-in-cheek comments about Picasso and Freud were a neat touch. It’s a decent story, big spectacle but just too over the top.

Score: 6.5/10

Oldboy

March 25, 2010
Film Reviews
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Oldboy: After being imprisoned for 15 years with no explanation, one man has to search through all his skeletons and figure out who he offended. I can sum this up in one word: exceptional. And everything about this film is exceptional. Choi Min-sik and Yoo Ji-tae give career-defining performances. The editing throughout is top rate and there’s some fantastically dark comedy. The finale is one of the biggest cluster-and-head-fucks I’ve ever seen and despite around 10 viewings it still turns my stomach. The score is astounding, particularly how it complements the climax. That single-take fight scene in the corridor is stunning and there’s even some unique, but Improper, use of CDs, claw hammers & a toothbrush! An utterly remarkable and 150% un-remakable story (so relieved to hear that the hollywood re-make has been axed). The taboo material will be too much for some but otherwise this is flawless. This is still my favourite, and one of the best movies I’ve ever seen.

Score: 9/10

The Foot Fist Way

March 24, 2010
Film Reviews
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The Foot Fist Way: A tagline like “The story of a man who teaches people how to kick other people in the face” should make you want to watch any movie, and in that respect this film’s a total winner… shame about every other aspect though. It’s pretty much Kenny Power’s nerdy, and less offensive, brother teaching Taekwondo. All other characters are forgettable and get no good lines, the story’s predictable down to the ending and other than a few vulgarisms there weren’t many funnies in the script. The fly on the wall / docu style was interesting, but didn’t always work. I really wanted to like this film but it was all a bit forgettable. More like ‘Foot In Mouth’…

3.5/10

5ive Girls

March 23, 2010
Film Reviews
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5ive Girls: Q: What do you get when you mix the following: a sadistic (borderline lesbian) head teacher, Alcoholic (touchy feely) priest, five hot-but-too-old-to-be-real school chicks, a dead ex-pupil and a creepy janitor? A: Yet another unnecessary horror movie. Poor script, terrible acting, and a generally pants story about witches. “Possessive nouns” did get a laugh, and why is the devil always so nasty in horror films? To top it off, the soundtrack was so upbeat it felt like it was lifted from an American Pie film. Even Hellboy couldn’t save this. Shockingly bad.

Score: 2/10

Valkyrie

March 22, 2010
Film Reviews
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Valkyrie: There’s only one WWII movie faux pas that’s more insulting than Nazis “Telking Leik Zeis” amongst each other, and that’s Nazis that speak full-blown “Jolly good, tally ho” English – especially Adolf Hitler. Listen out for American and Irish accents in the mix too. What’s more infuriating is that they type, read and sing in German to make it more ‘authentic‘!  Accents aside the dialogue’s pretty naff, and predictable – not unlike a 60s/70s WWII movie you’d see on TV through the day. There were also too many scenes with dozens of similar uniforms and names to keep on top of. A stumpy Tom Cruise doesn’t really set the world on fire, and Bill Knighty was the only real standout for me. There are some good moments when the tension builds up, but that’s about all this had going for it. Until I saw this I wouldn’t have thought that such a major, and potentially exciting, chapter of history could be so boring – especially when it’s marketed as ‘action packed’.

Score: 3/10

Bangkok Dangerous

March 18, 2010
Film Reviews
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Bangkok Dagerous: (2008 Remake) The best hitman in the world goes on one last big job before retirement but breaks all his own rules and ends up in a whole bunch of trouble. Unfortunately this isn’t Cage’s finest hour, or hair cut, and although coming across as emotionally retarded generally works for hitmen he ends up looking super goofy in scenes that require any feeling. Even in the voiceover parts sound affected. I was bamboozled as to why almost everything about this re-make was so true to the original it turns out it was the same directors are behind this, which is no bad thing. Barring both deaf aspects this is shockingly faithful, even down to the rough, grainy and washed out look. It was a bit weird that Cage was the only white guy in a ‘westernised’ re-make, almost made it pointless, but I guess big names put the bums on seats. The 5.1 audio track is great, particularly in the action scenes. Not a bad film by any means but if possible, definitely check out the original.

Score: 7/10

Charlie Bartlett

March 15, 2010
Film Reviews
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Charlie Bartlet: Misunderstood and peculiar rich kid gets expelled from private school and has to fit in at a public school; 0 points for originality. Then come the cast, and eclectic cross-section of pupils: suicidal goth, slutty cheerleader, bonehead bully… again 0 points for originality. Bartlett himself is quite corny, his love interest (Kat Dennings) is appears to be incapable of conveying any emotion but Downy Jr is good to watch and unexpectedly calm – until he gets the typical ‘crazy man’ scene. My biggest problem was that this tried to cover too many themes: depression, rebellion, love, parents, popularity, growing up and all the rest but instead of being neatly wound together they were separated and covered 5 minutes at a time. It’s also got one of the most gratuitous boob-shots in history. Nowhere near the same league as the  School/Teen movies: Napoleon Dynamite, American Pie, Ferris Bueller, Fast Times, Mean Girls, Superbad, Rushmore… Reasonably forgettable MTV movie-type affair.

Score: 4/10

Sukiyaki Western Django

March 12, 2010
Film Reviews
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Sukiyaki Western Django: Takashi Miike’s Japanese take on the spaghetti western & samurai films of yesteryear. Most confusingly all dialogue is English, but it still requires subs because the Japanese actors (naturally) struggle to deliver the Americanized lines – everyone’s acting totally suffers because of this huge distraction. All of the action is good to watch, from the quick draws through to Gatling Gun mayhem and the action-packed showdown is pretty immense. The gang costumes are flamboyant and seeing the red & white colours constantly jumping out is a real treat on the eyes. Miike does a fantastic job of keeping it stylish throughout, whilst minimising his trademark ‘weirdness’ – although the sheriff character was truly pants. You can’t help but think that if he focused on perfecting one or two films a year instead of 5-6 he’d be one of the best directors on the planet. Overall there’s no denying this is a bunch of tried themes, concepts and characters tied neatly together and packaged as homage. Still, this one’s worth a watch if you like foreign and offbeat movies.

Score: 6/10

True Romance

March 8, 2010
Film Reviews
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True Romance: (Blu Ray, Director’s Cut) A guy that loves, and is frequently visited by, Elvis runs away with a girl that looks mysteriously like Lolita after they score a suitcase of drugs: cue the mafia and police hunting them down. Definitely not your average tale of monogamy. The story-driven action is a different class, mixing the best bits of Tarantino’s script with a Tony Scott in his Prime. It’s pretty violent, especially the final shootout and girly beat-down – although that scene can claim ‘best chest in a fight, ever’ award. Another highlight is the dazzling ensemble cast including Gandolfini, Oldman, Chris Penn, Rubinek, Kilmer, a noteworthy stoned Brad Pitt and one of cinemas truly great moments: Dennis Hopper & Christopher Walken mesmerisingly discussing the finer points of Sicilian heritage with a dash of classic piano. Not to be forgotten, Slater and Arquette give what could easily be the performances of their careers. There’s some great tension (lift scene) and it lands up being quite poetic given the content. Can’t forget the cheesy / feathery ending and staple Tarantino cooler-than-thou movie & pop culture throughout. The picture and sound are both astonishingly average, only fans should upgrade. All-in, you can’t really fault much of this movie, and it’s amazing to think that even all the big names couldn’t save True Romance at the Box Office. Impressive runaway fantasy.

Score: 7.5/10

Stranger Than Fiction.

March 4, 2010
Film Reviews
3 Comments

Stranger than fiction: (Blu Ray) It feels like a watch advert to begin with, then turns into an outlandish narrator hostage situation – won’t give the story away, but it’s pretty original. What’s most interesting is that you’re not used to seeing WIll Ferrel play the serious everyman, which he does a decent job at despite being out of his comfort zone. Someone also needs to stop casting Queen Latifah as motivational!! Maggie Gyllenhaal balanced it out by rocking my loins for the entire film. The picture’s crisp but there’s nothing really worth seeing here, the sound mix is dull, but the original audio is great. Similar themes and story to Eternal Sunshine / Being John Malkovich / Adaptation so check it out if you like those. I guess the main thing this film has over others is the fresh twist on life and who’s in control of it. It’s quite witty and intelligent, with a fantastic idea but I just can’t put my finger on what was missing.

Score: 5.5/10

The Fox Family

March 3, 2010
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The Fox Family: bear with me here… it’s a comedy musical about 4 foxes trapped in people’s bodies that need to find live human livers to eat at a specific time in order to become fully human, they also run a circus; makes sense? Because it’s Korean and weird the style is characteristically slapstick, raunchy, gory and camper than a row of tents. The ‘musical’ element is overplayed with only a handful of songs, none of which are catchy. There are some good jokes and memorable scenes like lapdancing on a subway carriage, sexy noodle montage and tramps / riot police / activists bursting into dance but you kind of get the feeling the story and music were written in one big (stoned) session and nobody bothered to check it afterwards. Unfortunately this ‘unique’ idea ends up being mediocre so for birazzo Asian musicals, best stick to the ‘Happiness of the Katakuris’

4.5/10

The Hurt Locker

March 2, 2010
Film Reviews
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The Hurt Locker: (Blu Ray) Disappointing. First off, despite being 130 minutes long no characters develop beyond superficial stock figures: ‘badass old-timer’, ‘young suicidal kid’ and the ‘hot-shot maverick that will get everyone killed’ – it’s also hard to feel anything, let alone sympathy, for someone so reckless and that goes AWOL as often as Will James. The plot’s essentially 5 near-identical bomb situations separated by limp character-building that never really covers new ground. On the other hand, it is well-shot throughout and the tension of each action / bomb-scare does come through in parts; the sniper battle was done well, definitely the highlight of the film. The acting’s also pretty good given how flat the characters were, but it was definitely amplified by the documentary feel. The picture’s alright, but the sound is phenomenal, creating a war-like chaos with the constant background noises – brilliant when coupled with the visual style – worth the upgrade. Overall it was too melodramatic and full of pro-American and pro-army tones for me to begin enjoying it: rock ‘n’ roll loving party-hard soldier turns his back on his family to keep saving the day in Iraq… really? It’s clearly a bit edgy (intimate & gruesome bomb scenes), contemporary (Iraq) and overcomes adversity (female director), hence it’s scooping awards, but for me, it just doesn’t cut the mustard. Look out for Guy Pearce and Ralph Feinnes before they get blown to bits. Is it the ‘best war film in years’? Probably, but with competition like jarhead and The Kingdom it that really saying something?

Score: 5/10

Drunken Master II

February 27, 2010
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The Legend of Drunken Master: [Region 1 Import] Apparently this was deliberately dubbed in retro ‘Engrish’, lucky for everyone there’s not much dialogue. It’s also unfathomably camp, and terribly unfunny but what this one makes in is the action, and this is action like you’ve never seen before. Every fight and chase scene is mind-blowingly fast and intricate, yet universally enjoyable. The martial arts, especially drunken boxing, are great fun to watch and the physical prowess of a young(ish) Jackie Chan really has to be seen to be believed. It would be forgivable to think he was superhuman but there is absolutely no CGI involved – even when he’s scrambling over the hot coals! In particular the fight with hundreds of hatchet men at the tea house is suspiciously similar to, but infinitely better than, the computer-heavy Agent Smith fight in the Matrix reloaded: mostly because of the bravest, or dumbest, stunt guys in the world. Health and safety officers would have had a field day on that set! The story goes a bit pear-shaped around the middle, but on the whole is one of the best old-school action films available. Jackie Chan’s finest hour?

7.5/10

The Woodsman

February 25, 2010
Film Reviews
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The Woodsman: The story of a (potentially) reformed child molester being re-located beside a school is never going to win over the mainstream. Not being content with that this further shuns audiences with its very slow pace and low-rent, no-frills style. The main characters are all are completely damaged, making them difficult to connect with, but adding shocking realism. On the happy side, the actors in this tear the house down with their performances – not lest Kevin Bacon, who gives us an unquestionable career highlight. His missus, Kyra Sedgwick, keeps the ball up in the air and Even Mos Def refuses to drop it, pulling out some top drawer action. The paedophilia theme means that this throws up some of the hardest scenes you’ll ever watch, especially the one on the park bench – if you don’t see that through your fingers you have no soul! Difficult one to watch, but it’s always good seeing a big hitter take on, and nail, such an ill-advised role.

Score: 5.5/10

The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon

February 24, 2010
Short Films
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The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon: Richard Gale’s ten minute short that’s a pseudo-trailer for what would make an absolutely awesome film. Despite the descriptive, yet modest, title this short has explosions, beards, guns, the undead, tanks, global locations and spoons… what more could you ask for? Genuinely funny and very well produced this one is well worth checking out – ‘It will kill you. Even if it takes the rest of your life!’ No need to go anywhere though as it’s on Youtube in HD! LINK:

Verdict: Watch!!

Taken

February 23, 2010
Film Reviews
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Taken: (Extended ‘Harder’ Cut) a stupid girl runs off to Europe to follow a U2 tour, and if that doesn’t warrant getting kidnapped I don’t know what does! Naturally, her badass daddy (conveniently ex CIA covert / black ops) has to sort it all out. My favourite thing about Taken is that it has an amazing mix of action, drama and a no-brain story. It’s very realistic; the fighting’s well-choreographed but never really over-the-top, there’s also a great – no holds barred – authenticity on the human trafficking story. Despite seeing this a few times my heart still ends up in the stomach when Kim gets kidnapped. Above all that, Laim Neeson’s on top form, showing his acting and action abilities in equal measure. I guess the downside is that it doesn’t exactly make you want to visit Paris in a rush. Unashamedly in the same vein as Bourne, 24, Man on Fire-type movies but other than that, you can’t fault this much!

Score: 8.5/10

Kill Bill Vol. 2

February 17, 2010
Film Reviews
3 Comments

Kill Bill Vol 2: (Blu Ray) retribution continues at a slower pace as the back story is given more attention. This installment starts off as it means to continue, totally rip-off retro: effects, music, voiceovers, homage, etc. The story’s very strong until the last 45 minutes when it grinds to a halt, feeling drawn out with heavy conversation and that stupid truth serum. I’m not a huge fan of Tarantino’s ‘natural dialogue’. It’s not Kevin Smith bad but still quite annoying, and it really bogs down the end of Vol 2… On the upside there’s still some great cinema to be had; parts like the blacked out buried alive scene utilising big sounds to strike fear in to you are movie gold. The acting is top notch again, from Uma through to the let-himself-go Bud, sharp-as-ever Bill and the (still) foxy Elle Driver – it helps that all characters get good screen time to develop. The Blu Ray is absolutely stunning; close-up skin, face, hair and clothing detail will blow you away – even in the intentionally grainy Pai Mei scenes. The sound’s also fantastic, again making it worth the upgrade. It’s definitely the weaker stand-alone film, but when viewed back to back with Vol 1 it’s a great conclusion to one of the most epic revenge tales committed to celluloid!

Score: 7/10