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The Wailing (aka 곡성, , Gokseong): when a remote Korean village sees a spate of mysterious infections and violent murders all fingers point to an outsider from Japan that has recently moved to the area. This starts off as a darkly funny black comedy for the first 30 mins or so – that isn’t above fart jokes – but it slowly pivots 180-degrees into an intense, slow-burning, atmospheric supernatural mystery. The films doesn’t limit itself to one particular horror genre either; crossing possession (difficult to watch seizures) with slasher gore, demons, ghosts, and hints of zombies. One of the film’s climaxes involves a claustrophobic cutting together of three separate scenes involving two nauseating pagan rituals and a girl being exorcised; which reaches sustained levels of doom that are rarely seen. At around the 2 hour mark it does start to feel like a long film, however, the multi-layered ending that keeps folding in on itself is extremely satisfying, serving up a superbly tense and sustained showdown, with the kind skin crawling creepiness that Hollywood just can’t zero in on. There are also some very strong performances in the lead (a flawed bumbling cop), his daughter, and the entertaining shaman – who all shine in their roles. My only real fault of the film is that western – or even non-Korean – audiences will probably want to Google the film to the pick up on a lot of the significant cultural details that add to the film’s intricate plot – although it does still make plenty sense watching it cold. Very few films reach the sustained intensity of The Wailing; only the claustrophobia of Kill List, and the violent madness of something like Cold Fish come to mind. Chalk it up as another film which proves that Korea has one of the strongest film industries in the world.

Score: 7.5/10

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Bring Me the Head of the Machine Gun Woman Tráiganme la cabeza de la mujer metralleta Fernanda Urrejola, Matías Oviedo, Jorge Alis, Sofía García, Alex Rivera, Felipe Avello, Pato Pimienta, Francisca Castillo Behind Ass Booty

Bring Me the Head of the Machine Gun Woman (Tráiganme la cabeza de la mujer metralleta): a geeky gamer must track down and kill a sexy assassin – The Machine Gun Woman – to save his own life. Although marketed as a Tarantino / Grindhouse flavoured low-budget B-movie it feels more like a guerilla film: short, cheap, and resourceful… natural light, minimal FX, no frills. The plot is split into missions/chapters marked by Grand Theft Auto fonts, and more generally the film is shot from the games’ camera angles, to give the feel the lead is playing his own version of GTA. If you’ve ever watched anyone playing a game like GTA, it’s not that much fun… and while this has a some bloody & violent set pieces, and a few brief nudie shots, it’s nowhere near as wild as it needs to be to keep you engaged with the computer game format. At just over 70 minutes, it’s already very short – but it still struggles to sustain the story and interest in parts. The other problem is that the film would have been better from the machine gun woman’s point of view; giving her more than 15 mins of screen time, and at least a smidgen of back story or motivations – instead she appears in full prostitutefantasy glory, does some smolderingly sexy posing, kills some guys with ease, then wiggles her beautiful arse back out of shot… I know, I know – it’s not the worst thing you’ll ever see. Bring Me the Head of the Machine Gun Woman tries to mix old-fashioned grindhouse with modern video games, but didn’t have the conviction to sustain either – e.g. the classic ‘film grain’ effect is only put on the first and last few minutes. Less like Machete, more like MaShoeString (Budget). Sorry you had to read that, it was the best I could do. A serviceable film for the teenage male gamer market.

Score: 4/10
B-Movie Score: 6/10

Bring Me the Head of the Machine Gun Woman Tráiganme la cabeza de la mujer metralleta Fernanda Urrejola, Matías Oviedo, Jorge Alis, Sofía García, Alex Rivera, Felipe Avello, Pato Pimienta, Francisca Castillo Lolita

Bring Me the Head of the Machine Gun Woman Tráiganme la cabeza de la mujer metralleta Fernanda Urrejola, Matías Oviedo, Jorge Alis, Sofía García, Alex Rivera, Felipe Avello, Pato Pimienta, Francisca Castillo Gun Blowjob 2Bring Me the Head of the Machine Gun Woman Tráiganme la cabeza de la mujer metralleta Fernanda Urrejola, Matías Oviedo, Jorge Alis, Sofía García, Alex Rivera, Felipe Avello, Pato Pimienta, Francisca Castillo StradleBring Me the Head of the Machine Gun Woman Tráiganme la cabeza de la mujer metralleta Fernanda Urrejola, Matías Oviedo, Jorge Alis, Sofía García, Alex Rivera, Felipe Avello, Pato Pimienta, Francisca Castillo geeky guy

Pain and Gain Mihael Bay I was invaded!Pain and Gain: A group of dim bodybuilders kidnap and extort some rich folks. This basically takes a bizarre true-crime story and gives it the Michael Bay treatment (boob job, botox, facelift etc). If there ever was a director with an unsympathetically “In-Yer-Face!” style, it would be Mr Bay. Every female in this is a big-titted supermodel, there’s scenes in strip-clubs where the camera just stares at topless strippers (I felt bad for not tipping), there’s a raft of un-PC/racist jokes, there’s midgets, supercar fascination, drugs, pumped up bodies, dildos / sex toys, dick and homo jokes, and generally everything is over-styalised, and turned up way past 11. In fact; Rebel Wilson’s token crude material is probably the least offensive thing in this. The direction is equally aggressive; resembling high-end music-videos with vibrant colours, rapid cuts, loud music, a superficial glaze, and plenty on-screen stamps/graphics reminding you of what you should be thinking. And having this much character narration is just plain-old sloppy for a director that’s been around as long as Bay. Despite all of the unlikable elements coming from behind the lens, at least he chose some of the most sympathetic and charismatic actors to front the movie: Wahlberg, The Rock, Anthony Mackie… however, these guys are playing cold-blooded, pre-emptive killers, who are picking on hard-working, self-made targets – hard to empathise with. On the upside, there a lot of laughs to be had in this, although they’re mostly at the expense of someone. There’s a fascinating story buried somewhere in this film, but you have to look so far behind all of the bullshit surface that it’s almost impossible to pick out – would have been much better as a less sensational, properly-handled movie.

Score: 5/10

Zombie Town: staple zombie-flick from 2007 where zombies and bodysnatchers-esque slugs set their sights on an isolated redneck American town – a gorey mess ensues and the B-movie genre lives on! Blood, check. Gore, check. Brains, Check. Pseudo-scientist, Check. Random boobs, check. Zombie lovers will have seen this kind of film a dozen times now and it’s not the best example. Not really worth watching, so spare yourself the trauma unless you’re hell-bent on seeing every zombie film ever made… or really need some party fodder.

Score: 2/10