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Dr Alien Teacher Sidekick, Billy Jacoby, Judy Landers, Olivia Barash, Troy Donahue, Stuart Fratkin, Arlene Golonka, Jim Hackett, Bobby Jayne, Julie Gray, Linnea Quigley, Ginger Lynn,

Dr. Alien (AKA I Was a Teenage Sex Maniac. AKA I Was a Teenage Sex Mutant): after a bum injection from a ridiculously sexy alien a boring high-school loser becomes a mini Fonzie that can beat up jocks, front a heavy metal band, drive like a boss, and has hordes of horny wimin stripping and ravaging him continually. I suspect this may have been written by teenage boys for teenage boys? It has a weird style of humour: lots of lame and nonsensical childish gags accompanied with loud Looney Toons sound effects – in a film with boobs and (very light) sex scenes?!? With zinger punch lines like “you forgot the mustard!” and “he looked great in tight trousers!” you’d be forgiven for thinking that actual aliens wrote the script after hearing some 1920s radio plays. There’s not a whole lot else worth mentioning as everything about the movie is sub-standard: acting, script, editing and direction… even the main special effect, a ‘Hideous Fleshy Antena (that looks like a pouting anus) is underwhelming. In fact, the most notable aspect of this entire DVD release is that it has an X-rated porn film (Auditions, 1978) as a completely unrelated extra which brings the rating from whats’s presumably a 15 to a Hard 18! Bottom line – Dr. Alien isn’t violent, saucy, or trashy enough to be worthy of the GrindhouseB-Movie (or even Teen Sex Comedy) branding – it’s actually a slightly naughtier Ferris Bueller / Grease / Weird Science affair.

Score: 2/10
B-Movie Score: 3/10

Dr Alien, Blue Head Alien, Billy Jacoby, Judy Landers, Olivia Barash, Troy Donahue, Stuart Fratkin, Arlene Golonka, Jim Hackett, Bobby Jayne, Julie Gray, Linnea Quigley, Ginger Lynn,Dr Alien, Antena, Billy Jacoby, Judy Landers, Olivia Barash, Troy Donahue, Stuart Fratkin, Arlene Golonka, Jim Hackett, Bobby Jayne, Julie Gray, Linnea Quigley, Ginger Lynn,Dr Alien, Hot for Teacher, Sexy Teacher Billy Jacoby, Judy Landers, Olivia Barash, Troy Donahue, Stuart Fratkin, Arlene Golonka, Jim Hackett, Bobby Jayne, Julie Gray, Linnea Quigley, Ginger Lynn,Dr Alien, Physical Ed Gym Teacher Billy Jacoby, Judy Landers, Olivia Barash, Troy Donahue, Stuart Fratkin, Arlene Golonka, Jim Hackett, Bobby Jayne, Julie Gray, Linnea Quigley, Ginger Lynn,Dr Alien, Sexy Dream, Billy Jacoby, Judy Landers, Olivia Barash, Troy Donahue, Stuart Fratkin, Arlene Golonka, Jim Hackett, Bobby Jayne, Julie Gray, Linnea Quigley, Ginger Lynn,

The Last Stand 1 Arnold Schwarzenegger, Forest Whitaker, Johnny Knoxville. Rodrigo Santoro, Luis Guzmán, Jaimie Alexander, Eduardo Noriega, Peter Stormare, Zach Gilford, Génesis RodríguezThe Last Stand: as an escaped cartel leader speeds towards freedom at the USA-Mexico border, his last obstacle is a badass sheriff, and his unlikely crew of deputies. It’s nothing short of jaw-dropping when you see Arnie‘s total lack of acting skill and inability to construct sentences in English, especially given his on and off-screen careers! Still, his presence and entertainment factor are still there in abundance, and far outweigh his shortcomings. The supporting cast all did a decent job, and I love how massive foreign film stars always get drafted in as default action bad-guys. For me, this was missing a lot of director’s signature style and flair, other than the odd jaunty angle, although he really shines throughout the finalé and brilliantly handled action scenes – escape sequence, shoot out – as well as general stunt driving / automotive action. There’s also, a load of funny moments, and one-liners, that are far superior to Arnie’s groan-inducing cheesy quips. A cynic would point out that The Last Stand is a formulaic ‘outumbered & out-gunned’ story, with as many rookie cop / small-town cop / FBI / Cartel tropes that you could squeeze in… but when a world-class director meets an action legend, its explosive entertainment.

Score: 7.5/10

The Last Stand 2 Arnold Schwarzenegger, Forest Whitaker, Johnny Knoxville. Rodrigo Santoro, Luis Guzmán, Jaimie Alexander, Eduardo Noriega, Peter Stormare, Zach Gilford, Génesis Rodríguez