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Sharknado The 4th Awakens Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, Tommy Davidson, Masiela Lusha, Ryan Newman, Cody Linley, Imani A. Hakim, Cheryl Tiegs, Gary Busey, David Hasselhoff, The Chippendales,

Sharknado: The 4th Awakens. Let’s just start with that title, “the 4th awakens”… that’s a Star Wars reference, right!?!? But other than a couple of subtle riffs, there’s literally no connection to that franchise… Who the fuck is naming these movies!?!? The film begins – five years after Sharknado 3:Oh Hell No – in Las Vegas with a 15-minute action scene (that’s completely unrelated to the rest of the movie). It’s a shoddy ‘setup’ with almost no explanation and crammed with some of the worst CGI in the franchise so far (a fake shark-themed hotel, and flying car) and that’s saying something! Of the four movies, this one is by far the least cohesive and has the worst continuity… it essentially feels like a bunch of ‘that would be cool’ ideas very vaguely stitched together.  New characters appear, but are never introduced; the Grand Canyon is blown up and nobody seems to care; Tara Reid (how is she even still in these and Cassie Scerbo isn’t) ends up flying around with superpowers shooting lasers and shit; there’s a ton of sloppy references to things like Action Comics #1 / Alien / Wizard of Oz – all for no apparent reason; an actual advert – in the movie – for speech recognition TVs; everyone has a classic car for no obvious reason, and, most unforgivably, the film hops around from city to city (Kansas, Las VegasSan Fran, Arizona, Texas, Chicago, Ohio, Niagara Falls) where the real Eiffel Tower (What. The. Fuck?!!?) makes the best cameo in the movie. All in all; Sharknado 4 spectacularly fails to up the ante as much as the previous installment, and feels like idea has been stretched to the absolute limit.

Score: 3/10
B-Movie Score: 4/10

Sharknado The 4th Awakens Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, Tommy Davidson, Masiela Lusha, Ryan Newman, Cody Linley, Imani A. Hakim, Cheryl Tiegs, Gary Busey, David Hasselhoff, The Chippendales,
LIST OF CAMEOS – doesn’t include half of the z-listers, competition winners, family members etc.

Carrot Top (So-called comedian), Corey Taylor (Slinknot / Stone Sour frontman), Jedward (Irish dancing twats), Gilbert Gottfried (croaky / shouty comedian), Dog bounty hunter + family (peace be with you brah), Seth Rollins (Sports entertainer), Steve Gutenberg (Lavalantula & 2 Lava 2 Lantula Star), Lloyd Kaufman (Toxie’s dad. Troma founder), Gary Busey (Even he is better than this!), Gena Lee Nolin & Alexandra Paul (original Baywatch babes), Roy Nelson (professional punchkicker), Vince Neil (Motley Crew), Patti Stanger (Millionaire Matchmaker), Frank Mir (professional kickpuncher),

Sharknado The 4th Awakens Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, Tommy Davidson, Masiela Lusha, Ryan Newman, Cody Linley, Imani A. Hakim, Cheryl Tiegs, Gary Busey, David Hasselhoff, The Chippendales,

SHARK DEATHS

  • Chip n Dale punch
  • Cutlass / Swords
  • Fireworks
  • Ship’s Wheel
  • Fin-punch
  • Train Signal Pole
  • Chainsaw Family
  • Flaming Tree Logger
  • Tennis Racket
  • Treecapitation
  • Shotgun’d
  • Rifle’d
  • Chainsword
  • High-kicked
  • Mecha suit

Sharknado The 4th Awakens Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, Tommy Davidson, Masiela Lusha, Ryan Newman, Cody Linley, Imani A. Hakim, Cheryl Tiegs, Gary Busey, David Hasselhoff, The Chippendales,

Sharknado  –  Review

Sharknado 2: The Second One  –  Review

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!  –  Review

Thunderball: A NATO bomber carrying nukes ditches in the sea prompting a ransom from SPECTRE and 7-day ultimatum – and James Bond is the only person with a lead.

Ciao... Seeing double vision

Thunderball is a pretty shocking follow-up to Goldfinger, with almost zero memorable – let alone iconic – scenes /or lines. It’s also punctuated with too many lengthy and boring underwater set-pieces, peaking with a battle that goes on forever and lacks any audio element.

What's that sound? Nothing...

The only vaguely famous scene would be the card game in the casino with one-eye’d Largo. As far as villains go, Largo is pretty poor, but his main henchman – straight-edge Vargas, takes the piss: what a pitiful baddie. I almost felt sorry for those two.

Aye aye cap'n

If Thunderball’s good for something it’s showing us deeper into Bond’s psyche – he blackmails and forces himself upon women,  will sleep with absolutely anyone, does whatever it takes for King and Country, and is so reckless that he doesn’t care who’s life he endangers!

Bond getting ready to pump for information

The most memorable scene is the ridiculously sped-up projections at the end, genuinely laugh out loud material – yet Thunderball won the Oscar for best SFX. It’s a bit of a car crash for a Goldfinger follow-up and far, far, far too long given how little happens.

Score: 2.5/10

Now pay attention 007

TOP TRUMPS
Villain: Largo, one eyed sailor – Number 2 – just following orders. 5
Henchmen: Ginger Fiona / Straight-Edge Vargas – the worst henchman ever. 2
Bond Girl: Bikini girl Domino / Spa Worker Patricia. 4
Action: Tranny fight / Boat Chase / Scuba War. 4

Vargas does not drink... does not smoke... does not make love... loser

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