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Bring Me the Head of the Machine Gun Woman Tráiganme la cabeza de la mujer metralleta Fernanda Urrejola, Matías Oviedo, Jorge Alis, Sofía García, Alex Rivera, Felipe Avello, Pato Pimienta, Francisca Castillo Behind Ass Booty

Bring Me the Head of the Machine Gun Woman (Tráiganme la cabeza de la mujer metralleta): a geeky gamer must track down and kill a sexy assassin – The Machine Gun Woman – to save his own life. Although marketed as a Tarantino / Grindhouse flavoured low-budget B-movie it feels more like a guerilla film: short, cheap, and resourceful… natural light, minimal FX, no frills. The plot is split into missions/chapters marked by Grand Theft Auto fonts, and more generally the film is shot from the games’ camera angles, to give the feel the lead is playing his own version of GTA. If you’ve ever watched anyone playing a game like GTA, it’s not that much fun… and while this has a some bloody & violent set pieces, and a few brief nudie shots, it’s nowhere near as wild as it needs to be to keep you engaged with the computer game format. At just over 70 minutes, it’s already very short – but it still struggles to sustain the story and interest in parts. The other problem is that the film would have been better from the machine gun woman’s point of view; giving her more than 15 mins of screen time, and at least a smidgen of back story or motivations – instead she appears in full prostitutefantasy glory, does some smolderingly sexy posing, kills some guys with ease, then wiggles her beautiful arse back out of shot… I know, I know – it’s not the worst thing you’ll ever see. Bring Me the Head of the Machine Gun Woman tries to mix old-fashioned grindhouse with modern video games, but didn’t have the conviction to sustain either – e.g. the classic ‘film grain’ effect is only put on the first and last few minutes. Less like Machete, more like MaShoeString (Budget). Sorry you had to read that, it was the best I could do. A serviceable film for the teenage male gamer market.

Score: 4/10
B-Movie Score: 6/10

Bring Me the Head of the Machine Gun Woman Tráiganme la cabeza de la mujer metralleta Fernanda Urrejola, Matías Oviedo, Jorge Alis, Sofía García, Alex Rivera, Felipe Avello, Pato Pimienta, Francisca Castillo Lolita

Bring Me the Head of the Machine Gun Woman Tráiganme la cabeza de la mujer metralleta Fernanda Urrejola, Matías Oviedo, Jorge Alis, Sofía García, Alex Rivera, Felipe Avello, Pato Pimienta, Francisca Castillo Gun Blowjob 2Bring Me the Head of the Machine Gun Woman Tráiganme la cabeza de la mujer metralleta Fernanda Urrejola, Matías Oviedo, Jorge Alis, Sofía García, Alex Rivera, Felipe Avello, Pato Pimienta, Francisca Castillo StradleBring Me the Head of the Machine Gun Woman Tráiganme la cabeza de la mujer metralleta Fernanda Urrejola, Matías Oviedo, Jorge Alis, Sofía García, Alex Rivera, Felipe Avello, Pato Pimienta, Francisca Castillo geeky guy

The Factory John Cusack, Jennifer Carpenter, Mae Whitman, Ksenia Solo, Dallas Roberts, Sonya Walger, Maxim Roy, Mageina Tovah, Michael Trevino

The Factory: when his daughter is taken by a kidnapper who has successfully evaded him for years the clock is ticking faster than ever for a Buffalo detective. Featuring Cusack, and a similar type of story, you may expect something like The Frozen Ground; or a movie like Insomnia, Se7en, Mystic River etc… Unfortunately, this isn’t in the same ball park. The story’s horribly clunky, and the clues/pointers are even worse – in particular a ridiculously bumbling angle about fertility and infertility which would stick out in any dialogue. The film (and detective) flounder from missed clue to missed clue before it throws up a preposterous ending – complete with flashbacks for those at the back not paying attention. The title of the film makes no sense until the last 2 minutes of the movie – which is also distracting. Character-wise you’ve got the clichéd married-to-the-job detective, rookie sidekick, and a kidnapper that should have been demented and scary (Buffalo Bill style), but was played like a comedy redneck character. Despite a promising synopsis and Cusack in the lead is not much more than a bottom of the barrel, bargain bin, by-the-numbers, straight-to-DVD, B-movie with an A-List star and some TV actors (minor characters from Dexter, Good Wife, Arrested Development).

Score: 2/10

- Why are we here again? - I need a new house...

The Cold Light of Day: when his family are kidnapped near Madrid an everyman has to find a briefcase and return it to the captors in time. This is a strange one: coming out of the cinema it felt like a serviceable ‘nuts and bolts’ action movie, however,  two days later the only parts i can recall are the Nike, Blackberry, Coca Cola, Audi, Land Rover, Fabrik Nightclub co-promotion scenes. There’s a couple of night-time action scenes that were too shaky and poorly lit to be even remotely coherent – although there are a few interesting flares of camerawork, and it fades in and out of attempting to have the atmosphere and music of a classic Boir thriller – it’s just not consistent enough. The story is quite derivative, sloppy, and predictable genre writing – and everything down to the title feels focus-grouped to death. God bless Cavill for trying, but there’s next to nothing for anyone to work with – all characters are like concentrated stock. The Cold Light of Day is one of the laziest films I’ve seen in a long time; it just wants to coast on the back of the names involved – although the biggest (Sigourney and Bruce Willis) phone in two of the sleepiest and offendingly unremarkable paycheck performances of the year.

Score: 3/10

No Country for Old Men: Javier Bardem stole the show for me as a believably chilling psychopath, although Josh Brolin and Tommy Lee Jones both nailed their characters with conviction. The story’s brilliant, and has the trademark Coen brothers look, feel and occasional black comedy moments. There’s also a couple few scenes where the suspense is unbearable, something that’s hard to pull off. Set in 1980, it says a lot about the new-age crime, criminals and violence at the time and how traditional police struggle to solve, or even understand it. The last 30 minutes are quite weak, and the loose ends will annoy some people. Top-drawer film that it well worth watching.

Score: 8/10