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Vinnie Jones: Former crazy footballer turned silver-screen ‘ard man is probably one of the most recognisable Brits in the movie business right now. Whether it’s because of his reputation and image, or genuine lack of range, Mr Jones always ends up playing hooligans, hitmen, mutants, gangsters and serial killers. Despite this he’s appeared over 30 films including Lock Stock, Snatch, Hell Ride, X-Men, Survive Style 5+, The Condemned… erm… Midnight Meat Train and… uhhh… Not Another Not Another Movie! Aside from acting he’s also written books, appeared in a WWF PPV, starred in music videos, a ton of commercials, numerous TV appearances and sang on a couple of albums. More recently he took some time out to guest star as “A Massive Knob” in the UK’s Celebrity Big Brother, but to be fair, he was the only household name in a room full of idiots. All-in, given his age and background he’s done quite well but where are all the good roles?

Verdict: Unlimited respect to a football player that ends up being one of the most famous British people in the world, unfortunately he hasn’t done anything good enough to deserve ‘Genius’ status. Arse by default.

Blue Toothed Genius or JuggerArse – you decide!

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Beast Cops: A bunch so-called ‘policemen’ (how they’re remained gainfully employed was the biggest plot hole) get a new boss that tries to shake things up a bit. Unfortunately this one takes about 50 minutes of 1-dimensional character-building before anything interesting happens; we got it after 5 minutes – there’s no honour among thieves in Hong Kong! The acting’s very hit-or-miss, ranging from subtly great to parodic overacting, and at times the script makes it feel like a sexual awareness campaign. Other than the lame credits the style’s quite slick and does a great job in distracting you from the plain story, however the main actors break the fourth wall several times, which is strange and unnecessary. The last fight is a pretty epic and  brutal affair, and generally everyone in this film ends up getting a machete lodged in their neck at some point. To sum up, this is the epitome of a bog-standard Asian cop flick with a twist of ‘gritty street’ thrown in for good measure. Talks the talk all over the DVD box but fails to walk the walk.

Score: 3.5/10