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Walkout: Keith Lemon: The Film

August 28, 2012
Walkout
2 Comments

Keith Lemon: The Film – I’ll have to start this by saying I absolutely love Celebrity Juice for what it is, and that Keith Lemon, as a TV character, is great. Having seen the horrific trailer, I was sitting in the brace position from the start, but it somehow manages to be even worse than it looks. Production values are Sub-TV, the script and story could have been written by teenagers, and miles of old rope is pulled out in the form of 10-year-old Bo Selecta! Characters, and Keith Lemon phrases from the past 4 years. (Bang tidy, Finger blast, Smash your back doors in, will you nosh me off, etc, etc…)

No amount of familiar catchphrases or riffs from the show, no amount of cameos, and not even the lovely Kelly Brook in her undies could stop this from sinking. Mostly disappointing, because Celebrity Juice is a funny show. It looks like Leigh Francis is only good at taking the piss out of celebrities, because when you give him a script and a narrative, he’s unwatchable.

Alternative Plan: Went to watch Shadow Dancers, but the generators at the cinema gave up, so ended up playing some 8-ball instead.

Postal

June 19, 2011
Film Reviews
2 Comments

Postal: Living in a shitty town drives one yocal to ‘go postal’, and sees him take on terrorists, a religious cult, villagers and the police… all in the name of sanity. A film that opens with two Muslim plane hijackers calling Osama Bin Laden to ask how many virgins there will be waiting for them, then accidentally flying into the WTC probably won’t be for everyone… Knowing that this is one big farce, director Uwe Boll pops up as himself, joking about being aroused by crowds & children, and that his films are really being funded by Nazi Gold – it’s mental. The story is more like a series of skits / ‘wouldn’t it be cool if…’ scenes, but that’s OK as there’s a ton of gags and minor detail, almost like a David Zucker film. It’s visually striking; with tons of bright and poppy colours, not unlike classic Russ Meyer. Despite using a cat as a silencer, Zack Ward makes a pretty cool ginger action hero, and WTF is JK Simmons doing in this?!?! If you like your films crude, violent, brimming with hot babes, and full of kid / terrorist / nazi / midget / hippy / redneck / fat people jokes then Postal is the film for you. Despite everything being deliberately outrageous, I enjoyed it and will no doubt whore the DVD out to a bunch of people, then watch it again down the line. Totally ridiculous, but watchable tasteless caper.

Score: 5.5/10