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The Accidental Spy Parasol Umbrella Jackie Chan, Eric Tsang, Vivian Hsu, Kim Min-jeong, Wu Hsing-kuo, Cheung Tat-ming, Pauline Suen, Alfred Cheung, Scott Adkins,

The Accidental Spy (AKA – 特務迷城, Tè Wù Mí Chéng): an exercise equipment salesman from HK must hunt down his absent – now dead – father’s fortune and lung cancer cure. The story is a bit of a mess; far more convoluted than it needed to be, and for the most part – quite difficult to follow. The film mirrors this, opening with a rough Taliban-style massacre; then switching to a comedy Jackie Chan workout – and ping-ponging between quite dark elements and light entertainment. The action sees an older (but still totally ripped!) JC swap out some of his trademark physically demanding fights for more traditional big budget moments: an entire wooden pier gets trashed; and  planes, cars, & flaming tankers all explode after driving through every obstacle known to man. The highlight is a footchase from a Turkish bathhouse that sees Chan fight off various henchmen butt-naked whilst simultaneously covering his modesty; cheeky and entertaining – you couldn’t imagine anyone else pulling it off. People marvel at ‘peak’ Arnie, or Sly, but I’d rather have 1% of JC‘s agility and finesse than all the muscles in China! Overall, it’s one of the more forgettable Jackie Chan outings (like a lot of his made-for-the-west output), but even an average JC film is better than most action films. The Accidental Spy never overcomes the tonal mismatch of having the cheeky and goofy everyman surrounded by heroin-addicted damsels, violent terrorists, and absolutely retarded writing at the end (C.I.A. twist).

Score: 6/10

The Accidental Spy Turkish bath Jackie Chan, Eric Tsang, Vivian Hsu, Kim Min-jeong, Wu Hsing-kuo, Cheung Tat-ming, Pauline Suen, Alfred Cheung, Scott Adkins,

The Tournament 2009 Robert Carlyle, Kelly Hu, Ving Rhames, Liam Cunningham, Sébastien Foucan, Scott Adkins, Ian Somerhalder, Andy Nyman, J.J. Perry, Camilla Power, Rachel Grant

The Tournament: every 7 years in an unsuspecting town 30 of the world’s top special forces, serial killers, athletes and assassins fight to the death for a £10M cash prize. To get it out-of-the-way, yes, this film clearly borrows from the likes of Smokin Aces, Battle Royale, Series 7 etc etc. To ensure there’s some dialogue – in what would otherwise be a speechless film – the silly priest storyline is added, although it could have been just as easily done with two underdog killers teaming up. Given that there’s 30 contestants + others watching, characterisation is obviously very thin. Boring things aside, the action in this film is intense and very frequent – the highlight being a strip-club shootout/massacre with blood, guts and limbs flying everywhere. Nothing within the frame is safe, pedestrians, buildings, animals and vehicles (cars, jeeps and tankers all flipping and exploding at some point). Every five minutes there’s a big action scene, and most of it is of a very high standard. For a £4M movie to have such a decent cast, great action scenes and well-directed action (it’s his first film!!) – it’s nothing short of a miracle. Someone please throw more money at the director, Scott Mann to kick off his next project – it’s absolutely the best in class for mindless action; a bloody schlock romp for the guys, full of explosions, guns, blood and tits.

Score: 7/10