The Bodyguard

December 30, 2009

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The Bodyguard: so-called action flick featuring Thailand’s smallest and tubbiest gravity-defying bodyguard – definitely not the ’92 Costner / Houston affair! A few familiar faces from ‘Ong-Bak’ make up the main cast – including a Tony Jaa cameo – although this is nowhere as good a movie. Despite being made in 2004 it feels uncannily like classic ’80s cheese; slow-motion shots, terminally cheap music, and some of the most ridiculous and least funny pantomime-esque ‘humour’ I’ve seen. It’s camper than a row of tents, contains a bizarrely high level of foul language, and doesn’t say much about the intelligence of Thai people. The few action scenes are the only redeeming feature of this, in particularly some nifty moves and set pieces. The film focuses more on a millionaire’s love conquest over the actual bodyguard – title FAIL. Feels more like a bunch of mates making a b-movie than the action / wire-fu movie it’s promoted as. Best stick with Ong Bak / Warrior King etc.

Score: 3/10

Leon

December 23, 2009

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Leon: story of a hitman that takes a 12 year-old under his wing, trains her up and slowly becomes more human in the process. Leon’s pretty complex: made out to be one of the most badass men in the history of cinema in the action scenes, yet comes across as quite coy and simple in others. Gary Oldman’s intense villain is a bit over-acted. The original score dominates many of the scenes and despite being set in New York it’s unmistakably French & has loads of cheeky trademark Besson bits. My favourite aspect of this film is that it plays on the peculiarities and mystique of hitmen / assassins: they come from nowhere, vanish into thin air, can take out swat teams and bodyguards… and scope out every new location. Upon re-watching this for the first time in years it wasn’t as awesome as I remember, hasn’t really aged well (totally 80s) and the plot’s full of massive holes, not to mention severe bouts of police malpractice. It can’t really pass as an action flick because there’s only two action scenes, and as mentioned the story’s pretty flawed. What’s left is a piece of trademark Besson fantasy that’s good, but seems to enjoy an uncannily large ‘best film ever’ reputation.

Score: 7.5/10

The Host

December 21, 2009

The Host: creature feature from South Korea. Starts off like a trendy comedy horror, with awful over-acting, but gets more serious as the story progresses. There were a few awesome moments of suspense, but in general it didn’t seem to know whether to be funny or serious – ended up an eclectic mix. The music also conveys this, being spot on in parts, but totally ridiculous in others. The start and end are great, action-packed and when the film really comes to life, although the mid-section isn’t as good, coming across as drawn out and filler. The most outstanding part of this film was the monster, and the special-effects. Other than the very end it’s amazingly convincing and looked great. Some good, but predictable jumps along the way, and why is it that people in films like this always fall over when they’re running for their lives?! Mini political agenda regarding media hysteria, chemical warfare, failure of ‘the system’ and western criticism but it’s never really in your face. Far more focus on the family than the monster. Great action and tedious backstory but don’t really understand how it became the biggest Korean film of all-time, reasonable attempt nonetheless.

Score: 6/10

Avatar

December 17, 2009

Avatar 3D: marketed as the biggest and best sci-fi adventure of all time – bold claim. From the start it’s totally otherworldly; with the characters, animals, landscapes, textures and backgrounds all meticulously designed. For some reason the planet reminded me of Finding Nemo! The 3D wasn’t flawless as only one object in a frame would show real depth and the rest of the scene appeared out of focus or flat – it’s quite an exercise for the eyes. The sound was uncomfortably loud in parts too, so not an easy film for the senses!! Story-wise it wasn’t the best, or most original, and it took some super-ridiculous & corny twists. The characters are all “stock” clearly falling into the ‘good’ or ‘bad’ camps, and dialogue / acting is generally flat. Cameron’s tried to make it quite humane with the ‘aliens’ clearly echoing our 3rd world; while ‘undertones’ push simple arguments against war on terror and eco-issues. Beyond the impressive looks and epic action scenes all other elements of the film are distinctly average. It’s a great experience, but a victim of its own hype. Don’t expect perfection.

Score: 7/10

Arrested Development – Season 3

December 16, 2009

Arrested Development – Season 3: Poorly received comedy series that’s all about the family, and family values. Sounds like the ultimate cliché but this has to be one of the funniest, wittiest and smartest TV show’s I’ve seen. It’s absolutely bursting with comedy, one-liners, slapstick & adult jokes, and gags that run through an episode, season, or even the entire show: mixed between in your face, subtle or even just hinted at. The downside of this is that it’s a little too clever/fast for some, and a lot of the ‘contemporary’ quips aren’t as relevant as they were several years ago. There’s no dumb laugh-track, so you can pick up everything. The cast has too much talent – both young and old – to list: David Cross, Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, Tony Hale… not to mention the stunning Portia De Rossi. As a show, it’s also smart in that it’s very aware of itself and similar shows, episode 9 in particular is screaming with self-reference and irony. The characters, who drive the plot, are all great, consistent and well-acted; in particular the promiscuous Tobias, whose every line is innuendo-tastic. Gob is also a treat to watch. It looks great, is well-written (with an amazing attention to detail*), very neat, and the show does well to handle constant incest references – which would put many people off. As great as it is this season starts to wear a little thin by the end – so it’s probably for the best that they’ve stopped it there. Like the show says “Tell your friends” as all three season are 100% worth watching.

Score: 8.5/10

*so much of which would be lost between aired episodes a week apart, which is probably the main reason it wasn’t a successful broadcast show. Definitely one for DVD sessions.

Rollerball

December 14, 2009

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Rollerball: ‘updated’ re-make of 1975 classic. NHL potential heads over to the Soviet Bloc to partake in a dangerous sport. Opens with an awesome downhill street luge race through ‘cisco. Everything about Rollerball is totally macho: the sport, cars, bikes, heavy metal, technology, steel, babes, action… which begs one question: who cast the effeminate Chris Klein as the hero? He’s far too nice & boyish to be a convincing gruff badass – and looks ridiculous with fake stubble. Even LL Cool J is a bit cuddly these days. Surely a pair of real badasses would have been more appropriate!? The industrial / metal music’s used well for heightening the action scenes and it seemed to borrow visuals from the Running Man, Starlight Express and PS1 game Dead Ball Zone, neither of which is a bad thing. Some crazy spot-the-cameo moments. The last half hour absolutely ruined the film with a lame night-vision chase, feeble sound effects (boi-oi-oing), a clichéd ending, poorly edited action, and the super-crap super-dated symbolism of an American starting a revolution on Soviet territory. Not quite ‘RollerBollocks’, but not far off.

Score: 3.5/10

Top films of the decade

December 12, 2009

As the year/decade draws to a close I thought it’d be interesting to see which films have left the biggest impression on me. Naturally, I didn’t catch every film released over the past ten years but here’s my personal top ten:

1) Oldboy: 2003 – South Korea
2) Amores Perros: 2000 – Mexico
3) Mystic River: 2003 – America
4) A Bittersweet Life: 2005 – South Korea
5) Children of Men: 2006 – UK
6) Kill Bill Vol 1: 2004 – America
7) Together 2000 – Sweden
8) No Country For Old Men 2007 – America
9) 3:10 to Yuma 2007 – America
10) Battle Royale 2000 – Japan

I’d also give the following an honourble mention: Memento, The Fall, Intacto, Infernal Affairs, The Woodsman, Bourne Ultimatum, District 9, 3-Iron, Brick, Eternal Sunshine, Primer, Lilya-4-Ever, In Bruges, City of God, Love Me If You Dare

Just realised that they’re almost all action/dramas. Weird.

Richard Pryor Live in Concert

December 11, 2009

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Richard Pryor Live in Concert: a 74 minute stand-up show filmed at one of Pryor’s 1978 gigs. Starts with an onslaught of “Whiteboys do this stupidly, niggers do it a different way” observations, although they weren’t as frequent after the first 15 minutes. In the course of this he covers topics as diverse as: police methods, dogs, death, fathers, camping, boxing, running, kids, Chinese people, and sex all with enthusiasm and fantastic execution. As someone that’s performed stand-up live and enjoys the genre, it’s clear that Pryor was light years ahead of the curve with his personification of things, delivery, voices and acting. Unfortunately, because this gig – and Pryor – are now so famous all of the best bits are shown on every TV clip show and countdown. Although it’s clearly a great performance, the focus of race throughout puts me off a bit. Pretty dated, slightly risque but unquestionably funny.

Score: 5.5/10

Shortbus

December 10, 2009

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Shortbus: follows the shortcomings of several sexual ‘misfits’: a gay couple on the rocks, dominatrix that can’t connect and sex therapist that’s never orgasmed… Be warned, don’t watch it with your parents as some scenes are pretty much porn. The opening of this is among the most unforgettable of any movie, as are many of the zany characters you meet, and several of the scenes – it’s pretty much a one-of-a-kind. Despite being chocked-full of taboo and graphic (real!) sex Shortbus does a fantastic job of remaining funny and charming for the duration, because the emphasis is on the people and their emotions, not the sex. There’s some funky animations of NYC and most of the characters are likable. The film remains interesting as each person’s story progresses and the climactic ending is really upbeat and fitting with the movie as a whole. It’s not for the prudish, and because of the warnings on the box you’ll probably feel a bit dirty just buying this – although it’s totally worth the momentary shame! Extraordinary comedy about sexual emotions!

Score: 7/10

My Own Private Idaho

December 9, 2009

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My Own Private Idaho: story about a junkie-hustler-prostitute desperately searching for his mother. The Biggest bombshell was Keanu Reeves, who just didn’t act at all, coming across so one-dimensional that it was both painful and hilarious to watch. Phoenix makes up for this, but it must have been near impossible with such one-sided ‘chemistry’. Huge chunks of the script had Shakespearean dialogue and acting, making it unnecessarily difficult to watch and understand. The visuals were bizarre and dreamy, but full of needlessly inane symbolism like salmon jumping upstream and strange fetishes being acted out. I kept losing interest but forced myself to finish it. River Phoenix was the only redeeming aspect of this movie, which should have been emotional and engrossing but ended up being pretentious, and not very watchable. Interestingly, very few films have made me feel this apathetic and mildly angry – another is Elephant, so at least Van Saint’s consistent! It just left me baffled as to why it’s generated such a cult status and acclaim. Great idea, atrociously executed.

2.5/10

Eastbound and Down

December 8, 2009

Eastbound and Down: six episode comedy series about a former baseball superstar as he tries to get re-signed to the major-league and win back his old girl. The single biggest reason to watch this is the brilliant Kenny Powers; mark my words, he’ll go down as one of the greatest comedy characters of all-time. Not dissimilar to Cartman, he’s an incredibly self-centred and brutally honest, loud-mouthed, redneck. The script, and in particular Kenny’s lines, are consistently golden, and totally quotable. The other characters are all pretty generic (in a good & watchable way), but McBride absolutely steals the show. Despite all the laughs there’s some alright dramatic moments, and the finale is very well done. It looks nice – not unlike My Name Is Earl – and the story’s interesting enough to keep you watching. I am absolutely lusting over the prospect of a second season. Although it’s aimed more at guys over girls this should be mandatory viewing for all. Comedy of the year?

Score: 8/10

Borat

December 4, 2009

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Borat: mockumentary following a Kazakhstan TV personality who’s sent to learn aspects of American culture to benefit his country, major hilarity ensues. After about 25 minutes I was thinking “Holy crap, this film’s heading for a score of 9!” however it drops the ball soon after and doesn’t really get going again. It was the first film I’d seen in a cinema where almost everyone laughed continuously for the entire duration – not just a few funnies or gross moments. On re-watching it at home it’s not quite as effective, but still very funny. Most gags are at someone’s expense and / or gross-outs – with a particularly disgusting and pointless naked fight at one point. Because there’s actors and some of the scenes were supposedly staged it’s hard not to dissect each scene, but doing so will ruin the enjoyment for you. The rough documentary style means that the majority of what made the final cut is funny, but doesn’t really have much flow or continuity. Is it the funniest film of the 2000s? Possibly: it’s definitely up there with Anchorman, Superbad, and Team America. Best enjoyed in a big group.

Score: 7/10

Summer Heights High

December 2, 2009

Summer Heights High: set over the course of a school term this eight episode mockumentary follows three characters; a camp drama teacher, private-school girl on exchange and disruptive Polynesian kid. Not for the P.C crowd, the series constantly throws up jokes about disabilities, gingers, suicide, molestation, drugs, rape… basically, nothing is taboo. There’s some great running gags through the episodes and the characters are all solid, well-resreached / acted & genuinely humorous. Not without is faults the series does start to drag around he 5th/6th episode, some dialogue gets lost in scenes with several people talking or arguing (particularly with the girls) and the majority of the laugh-out-loud parts are crude, relying more on shock. Between the believable way that it’s shot and the harsh content it wouldn’t be too obvious that it was a comedy if you found this channel surfing. The breakdancing ‘Polly’ character (Jonah) and Mr G’s play at the end were my highlights of the show. What ‘Neighbours’ should be like!

Score: 7/10

A Serious Man

December 2, 2009

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A Serious Man: the monumental breakdown of a weedy, pushover, atheist Jew as he searches for the ultimate answer, why him? The humour is the ultimate in dry / deadpan / dark / awkward and the story’s as bleak as anything else I’ve seen – so much so that handfuls of people walked out of the cinema around the 30-40 minute mark. The slow pace of the film didn’t help matters much and neither did the over-the-top ‘Jewishness’ – with lots of Yiddish vocabulary being used. The opening act didn’t seem to have anything to do with the rest of the film, and ended up being a distraction – whereas the finale is as open-ended as No Country. It’s shot well, remaining pretty stylish and retro throughout and the acting’s of a pretty high standard – there’s also a few tactically placed laughs to slightly lighten the mood. Overall it’s totally pessimistic, bleak, relentless & overwhelming with no likable characters and not enough funnies to balance it out. Very difficult to watch, unless you’re a diehard Coen fan or were Jewish in the 1960s.

Score: 4/10

Godzilla

December 1, 2009

Godzilla: 60% mega monster destruction and 40% bittersweet romance between two of the mains. It has the tried and tested 90’s mix of epic action and silly fun that you don’t often find these days. The one thing that struck me when re-watching this was that it has a lot of memorable scenes; Godzilla’s entrance at the pier, streets ‘jumping’ with his footsteps, ‘zilla on the Brooklyn Bridge, ‘zilla taking out the choppers – too many to name! The opening scene with a-bomb test footage and epic orchestrated score is pretty chilling. There’s a load of cheeky reptile references throughout which is a nice touch, and the stereotypical sneaky French guys (fronted by Reno) are good fun to watch. There’s also a lot of subtle product placement, the likes of which hadn’t been done again until I-Robot: although not quite as subtly! unfortunately, the beast hasn’t aged too well, with a shed-load of dated cultural references and naff CGI / mini-models. Despite this, it’s still a classic, and great fun to watch. Entertaining big buck blockbuster.

Score: 6/10

Shooter

November 29, 2009

Shooter: ex-sniper with a vanishing pony-tail (stupidly) gets caught up on the wrong end of a presidential assassination attempt. The politics and explanations in this were so clichéd and had so many twists / conspiracies that Michael Moore could have written it. Wahlberg’s not exactly on form, and pretty much mumbles his way through the majority of the script, which is heavy on the sniper talk – giving the film (and Swagger) authenticity. The best thing about this film was the action, and although there’s not loads, it’s was about quality over quantity – especially the cottage shoot-out and counter-sniping scenes. The ending feels totally rushed, with everything being cleared up in about two minutes flat. It’s an OK flick, but ends up way off target.

Score: 4/10

Slackers

November 19, 2009

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Slackers: 3 guys cheat their way through college, one falls for a girl and jeopardises their masterplan. There’s some slapstick, gross outs, weirdness and a few solid running gags to keep you entertained throughout. All actors do as good a job as you’d expect from a teen comedy but Schwartzman tops the class by making “Cool Ethan” seem genuinely aberrant and spooky – probably what Max Fisher would be like when he grows up! Quite a few big names in this; Jason Segel before he became Mr generic comedy, Devon Sawa while he was on form and a some blink-and-you’ll-miss-’em cameos from the likes of Gina Gershon (!!) and Cameron Diaz. Despite a low budget it has a certain charm, unique style and the songs throughout are genuinely funny. You get the feeling that it was trying to ride the wave of success from then-recent college flicks like Road Trip and American Pie and although it’s falls short, any teen comedy will find it hard to match those heavyweights. One of my personal favourites, mostly for the gags. Totally watchable comedy / stoner flick.

Score: 6/10

Together

November 17, 2009

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Together: set back in 1975, it documents the make ups and break ups of a crowded hippy commune in Stockholm – doesn’t sound great but this is one of the best drama films out there, easily. Other than a few zooms there are no fancy tricks to this film, leaving everything to come from the characters; vegetarians, homosexuals, hippies, confused teenagers and alcoholics under one roof – it’s basically a scrip-writer’s wet dream. There are no main roles, just an ensemble of credible characters that you can relate to – from the uneasy teen to the textbook socialist – which makes the story very absorbing. There’s some nice subtle and awkward comedy hidden there too. It may be a tad slow for some but has one of the best endings that I can remember. All in, it’s a simple feel good tale about the ups and downs of living with people. This is was only Moodysson’s 2nd film, and between this, Fucking Amal and Lilja-4-ever he definitely started his career with a bang. We’re better together.

Score: 8/10

Foxy Brown

November 17, 2009

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Foxy Brown: Pam Grier is out to avenge her junkie-loser brother and snitch boyfriend by sticking it to the man, big time. Everything from the soul / funk soundtrack to the gritty view of ‘real life’ is aimed at adolescent black guys, so for a honky to review this in one paragraph, probably won’t do it much justice. Naturally everyone evil, or with any power, is a white bigot: although the casting department went a step too far by hiring the most upper class ‘gangsters’ I’ve ever seen. The opening credits are like a cheap James Bond rip off and the action in the film’s admirable, but not quite there. Despite all the fist-clenching bro solidarity, melodramatic scenes and social issues / stereotypes raised it’s an OK action-flick, made easier to watch courtesy of Grier’s one-of-a-kind figure being flaunted throughout. Girl Power / Black Power!

Score: 5/10

Run Lola Run

November 16, 2009

Run Lola Run: a stunning red head must find 100,000 Marks within 20 minutes to save her boyfriend. Despite this movie being almost all action you really get to know the two mains, thanks to them nailing their characters in what little screen time they have. The biggest feature for me was the music; pounding German dance tracks that emphasise the urgency and get you totally pumped up, especially through the first 15 minutes. Paying attention to every detail shows how neat and well-planned the film is, but doesn’t necessarily to add enjoyment – just a nice touch. It also has a themes of fate, coincidence and the butterfly effect, but again, they’re just there, and you don’t have to analyse them. It’s a very original idea, executed brilliantly and remains stylish throughout – all the scenes with Lola / Manni are striking in one way or another. With the dominant music, stunning visuals and a simple story it’s like a long music video, yet it never wears thin or peters out. A great example of film-making and essential viewing.

Score: 8.5/10

Shiri

November 15, 2009

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Shiri: Korean action blockbuster that opens up promisingly with some apeshit assassin training followed by a slew of hits that leave police scratching their heads. Throw in a couple of grudges, potential moles, twists, numerous gunfights and you’d think this film was solid gold. Unfortunately, it’s not very original: secret weapon nicked by breakaway terrorists who threaten to use it against the public. Someone basically nabbed the best bits from films like Nikita, Heat, Hard Boiled and Die Hard. Unfortunately, they didn’t steal a good soundtrack, as this one is beyond rubbish. The 2D characters could have benefited from a better script. Despite on-screen animosity between North and South Korea the film’s clearly pro-unity. Overall, it’s a pretty standard effort that brings nothing new to the table. Brainless action flick – best stick to the one’s mentioned above.

Score: 6/10

Rushmore

November 13, 2009

Rushmore: follows the ‘love triangle’ between a teacher, pupil and local businessman. While this put Anderson and Schwartzman on the map – and re-ignited Murray’s career – they’re three guys that haven’t really drifted far from their comfort zone since: still, this is probably the best example of all three on form. The main problem I have with Anderson’s films is that they make weird things like stalking someone or a middle-aged man befriending a teenager seem normal, even cool. Like the rest of his films Rushmore is laden with mixed messages about father figures, retro music, humor, and quirky scenes / shots / dialogue (it’s impossible to describe any of his films without using ‘leftfield’, ‘offbeat’, ‘quirky’ et al). More so than his other features, Rushmore has been embraced by the indie crowd and pop culture – and enjoys a hardcore cult following. Personally, I think it’s good but not great. Pretty much the Napoleon Dynamite of the 90’s; you’ll either love, loathe or just not plain old not get it – I’m still in the later camp after several viewings. If you’re wanting to see any Anderson, Schwartzman or (modern) Murray film, best stick with this.

Score: 7/10

Hard Candy

November 12, 2009

Hard Candy: a character-driven modern thriller that feels like the most extreme episode of ‘To Catch A Predator’. Right from the opening IM conversation you know this film will be difficult to watch, and the first 20 minutes are among the most awkward I’ve seen. Because there’s only two characters the story’s very neat and wrapped up tightly: Ellen Page is nothing short of phenomenal and Patrick Wilson was great. David Slade made a good job of making the film feel cold, minimal and clinical, although colour is used very effectively, and his direction throughout is spot on. Guys will always remember what happens off-screen and there’s a few more scenes that stuck with me since I originally saw it in the cinema. By the end, it begins to feel a little stretched out, and it does make you question how a kid could execute this plan so perfectly. Fantastic feature-length debut, but hard-hitting content will be too uncomfortable for some.

Score: 8/10

They Live

November 10, 2009

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They Live: Everyone’s favourite Canadian-American pseudo-Scot “Rowdy” Roddy Piper uncovers a conspiracy bigger than his 1980s Hair-do. The idea’s great but everything else seems to have been lost during film-making. The script is forgettable, barring one “bubblegum” line, and the acting & action are underneath below-par. The look, feel and themes aren’t dissimilar to a 1950s anti-Soviet or propaganda film, with a barrage of social commentary and messages being forced upon the viewer. The soundtrack’s atmospheric, but only has one song! There’s an infamous five-minute fight scene that feels so ridiculously out of place, and it takes about 40 minutes for anything substantial to occur. After Carpenter’s string of original and amazing sci-fi / horror films this seems like a major let down and is – to all intents and purposes – a proper “B” movie. Corny socio-political ‘thriller’ with too many messages.

Score: 3/10

Les Clefs De Bagnole

November 10, 2009

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Les Clefs De Bagnole: experimental film about making a film of a guy looking everywhere for his car keys. Even though almost nobody has heard of this feature, nearly every famous French actor you know shows up at some point. The ending’s revealed in the first two minutes, however the fast pace of their epic adventure mean you don’t really care. It brings up strange movie-related observations that viewers often miss: over-use of extras, continuity, presumptions, time lapses – even when the characters eat. It’s not an easy watch as they go from one crazy idea to the next, and the random segments of meta-film, interviews with the public, clay-mation, animation and sound effects don’t help. On the upside, this little gem looks great, has a witty script and is laden with gags – although they don’t all hit the mark. Most critics totally slated this, which is pretty harsh as it’s nowhere near as bad as they make out. The tagline on all promo material was “Don’t watch this, it’s crap” which shows how seriously it’s supposed to be taken. Experimental and undeniably French under-rated comedy that should keep you laughing, or at least smiling.

Rating: 6/10

Scream

November 9, 2009

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Scream: looking back, this film is totally bizarre. A horror movie about ‘teens’ being aware that they’re living out a stereotypical slasher scenario. Aimed at fans of the genre it’s full of clichés and a classic horror references; both explicitly and through visual homage. Although it’s very gory the humor and self-referencing irony ruins the potential scariness of the film. The high level of ‘borrowed’ content also detracts from how unique the concept of scream was. Ultimately, it became the phenomenon that kick-started a new wave of horror films (& parodies) and although it’s a bit self-indulgent, I take my hat off to Craven for continually pushing the envelope. It also left me wondering what ever happened to the perky Neve Campbell and Rose McGowan? An instant classic that’s entertaining, original, quotable and is ingrained in so many peoples brains all these years on. There’s word on Scream 4 coming out next year, better dig out your box set! Do you like scary movies?

Score 7/10

Versus

November 4, 2009

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Versus: a criminal and mystic are hunted down by yakuza, who are being chased by zombies! How do you make a film with more action than the matrix? Easy, just add gallons of blood, swords, knifes, massive guns, a ton of zombies and have as many fights as you can get away with. It’s (surprisingly) directed by the same guy that did Midnight Meat Train, but don’t hold that against him as this a good effort. He did well with a low-budget: the effects very gory and good, the sound’s not bad despite being re-dubbed in a studio and the camerawork’s admirable, although 360 shots are overused. The story’s pretty thin, and the ‘big twist’ is so bad it’s good. Some of the dialogue and action is very corny, making it feel like a live-action manga adaptation. Quite looking forward to the re-make/sequel that’s being rumored at the moment. Ridiculously OTT live-action-packed ultra-stylish no-brainer hack-fest of a cult zombie flick.

Score: 6.5/10

The Toxic Avenger Part II

November 3, 2009

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The Toxic Avenger Part II: 5 years after the original, Melvin’s still sweeping up crime with his mop – from NJ to Japan. You know it’s going to be good when, 2 minutes in, a blind pensioner gets shot out of her wheelchair. Unfortunately most versions of the T.A. series have been very heavily edited, with most gore cut out and the gratuitous nudity blurred. Films like this were never meant to be taken seriously: the camp script, silly slapstick gags and playing on stereotypes make it really enjoyable, even fun, to watch. The stunts, special effects and explosions are all great and it has a feel somewhere between Cannibal the Musical and the original Power Rangers. People slate this and compare it to the first film, although twenty years later this is still one of the most entertaining B-movies around. Great example of independent film, that’s well worth watching if you can track it down! Radioactive Fun.

Score: 6/10

Kickboxer

November 2, 2009

Kickboxer: potential lawyer takes up fighting to avenge his once cocky, now disabled, brother in a Muay Thai match against a monster. From the outset (Van Damme and his brother on a boat looking like child-molesting sex tourists) you know this is vintage 80s. The songs – and dance scene – are also criminally cheesy, yet perversely enjoyable. All bad guys passed their ‘villain 101’ course: stab dog, rape girl, fight dirty, kidnap a cripple… and no martial arts film would be complete without a wise Confucius. Why not chuck a jive-talkin’ black guy who’s addicted to pussy in the mix too? Overall, the acting’s pretty bad, and the films nothing more than an excuse for Van Damme to flaunt his skills, accent, muscles, splits and gnarly dancing. You know what you’re getting with this one and although it’s not packed with fights/action you could do a lot worse with 90 minutes. Vintage Van Damme.

Score: 6/10

Looking For Eric

November 1, 2009

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Looking for Eric: ‘realistic’ – aka depressing – tale of a postman and his family as they struggle through a rough patch. Once again the depiction of us ‘regular’ Britons involves a concoction of drugs, booze, cigarettes and guns topped up with a thousand swear words. From a dramatic point of view the film has it’s fair share, but everything else was lacking. The characters were hard to relate to and the mix of swearing & shouting was headache-inducing. It showed how not to handle problems and wasn’t exactly an advert for adoption. Nobody even mentions the possibility that the main guy could be 100% mental. Eric Cantona and his clips on the pitch were the only enjoyable things about the film, and it’s pretty tragic when an ex-footballer out-acts the cast of a feature-length. The relatively happy ending raises the score slightly, but it’s too little too late. Clever marketing is the only thing has made this a commercial success. Fails to hit the back of the net.

Score: 3/10