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The Matrix: Action. Adventure. Sci-Fi. Technology. Love story. Tragedy. Mythology. Drama. Explosions. Chases. Fighting. Guns. Lots of Guns. Style. Homage. Technological Advances. Solid acting. Vision. Betrayal. Great characters. Fantastic Soundtrack & OST. Tight script. Mouth-watering visuals. Slick editing. Stunning concept… Absolutely everything about The Matrix is pitch perfect, right down to Reeves’ vacant, and emotionally retarded acting – it just fits the film so well! (Will Smith/Nicholas Cage were first choices for Neo!) Hugo weaving is also brilliant as the borderline pantomime baddie. The fight scenes are outstanding, especially given that none of the actors are martial artists. Unlike 99% of films out there The Matrix is absolutely all killer – every single scene has a purpose. It’s been a career-defining film for everybody involved, and rightly so: cast, directors, tech teams etc. Even over ten years on everything about this is still so, so, so cool. It’s a modern Alice in Wonderland, but where Alice cartwheels while firing a machine gun and bends some spoons with her mind! The film also raised the bar for action / sci-fi and special effects, and the wider cultural impact is enormous. Despite an unhealthy number of viewings over the years (guessing at least 40) this film never gets boring and never loses the awe-factor. I’m struggling to find a single fault in it!

Score: 10/10

Crank: holy-shit… has pretty much won the “worst film I’ve seen all year” title already. It’s like someone polled the nuts and zoo readers asking the ‘100 things you’d most like to see in a film’, then tried to link them all together, but failed – epically. Someone obviously put ‘Latino Gangsters’ because our old pal Noel Gugliemi made another appearance as the ultimate typecast! More like watching someone play Grand Theft Auto than a film. Full of: bad product placement, terrible acting, mostly pointless scenes and rubbish stereotypes. I’d almost slipped into a coma by the end of it. Less substance than a low-budget porno… avoid like the plague.

Score: 0.1/10 (only because there’s 1 boob)