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Somewhere: A successful-but-despondant film star has to spend time with his estranged daughter, they hang out, we watch. This film makes driving a Ferrari boring; it makes Italy look boring; it makes having beautiful women swoon over you boring; worst of all it makes two kinky blonde twins, doing cheeky pole-dancing as nurses rocking to the Foo Fighters boring!! I know this is supposed to be the point but when a character appears to loathe that lifestyle, this reviewer feels no pitty. Sofia Coppola definitely has her own style; unfortunately, it makes me nod off – I genuinely fell asleep twice in the cinema during Lost in Translation, and was so close during this – other punters were more sensible and walked out (and if it hadn’t been the actual ending I’d have walked out after the last scene too). There’s far too many overlong boring shots of mundane non-events. We see some cooking, guitar hero, sunbathing eating, smoking, breathing, empty conversations… it’s essentially a mind numbingly boring fly-on-the-wall focusing on a rather unlikable person. Neither the story or emotions progress, but Dorff and Fanning Jr both do particularly well considering what they have to work with. To top it all off this was sickeningly smug and self-referential; harking back to previous films, echoing a misunderstood celebrity upbringing, and even Sofia’s iPod. This is the rich and famous complaining about being rich and famous. Totally inconsequential, bourgeois, middle class ridiculousness.

Score: 1/10

NB: If I was that famous I would be traveling the world and having as much fun with family and friends as possible – definitely wouldn’t be a miserable shit like Johnny Marco.

Jackass 3D: Ten years after they first hit MTV the gang are back together – looking far more haggard and older – doing what they do best; the painful, funny and ridiculous. For the full run time they pull out all the stops with crazy new skits and upping the ante on old ideas. Some stunts are stupid beyond believe, some unbelievably painful and some unforgettable. Surprisingly, the 3D element is outstanding, depth, brightness and is only used gimmicky a couple of times – definitely the best 3D film I’ve seen yet; Temaine sure knows how to use these cameras; when he’s not throwing up on them. Stick around for the credits as there’s a nice (!) sentimental montage of the crew. Unless you’re in PETA Jackass is something that you’ll love or hate. There’s not plot, and it’s just a bigger budget, more stupid, longer version of the show – so you know exactly what you’re getting. I can’t remember ever seeing a whole theater laugh this much and this hysterically from the very first (dickhouse) logo through to the final credit. Yes it’s stupid, yes parts are disgusting and yes, there’s a lot of male nudity, but for kids that grew up in the MTV generation this is solid gold.

Score: 9/10