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Super

March 30, 2012
Film Reviews
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Super: A socially inept weirdo with ‘visions and voices’ creates the alter ego superhero, ‘The Crimson Bolt – armed with a monkey wrench, pipe bombs and the catch phrase “Shut up, crime”. It’s the total opposite of everything you’d expect from a superhero movie – the characters are all deeply flawed, the humour is super black and is contrasted with some full-on bone-crunching, brain splattering violence. Technically, it’s also very different, with a lo-fi handheld style and toe-tapping indie/pop soundtrack that give it a unique, botique, wholesome style – I was sold from the TSAR opening credits. The biggest hit is Rainn Wilson, he’s utterly fantastic, pitches the character perfectly, and genuinely makes the movie. Kev Bacon is great as a scumbag, and Page does a decent job as a foul-mouthed youth. The humour is twisted and black with a deep, dark streak running through the movie – very awkward, offbeat, black, but really really funny (“The Finger of God had touched me”, “Don’t steal, don’t molest kids, don’t butt in line”, tentacles, the sex scene… it’s all absolutely mental). On paper Super looks like another Kick-Ass, but everything about it is different and unique, which makes this a little indie belter that stands out from the copy/paste films in the superhero genre.

Score: 9/10

Nude Nuns with Big Guns

April 19, 2011
Film Reviews
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Nude Nuns with Big Buns: tasteless throwback nunsploitation revenge flick with a latino twist. The single best thing about this film is that the entire female wardrobe could have been packed in to a purse; this is proper bang-for-your-buck stuff – with so much tits and ass that birthday suits seem normal by the end! It’s also way more offensive than your standard b-movie with some genuinely filthy scenes like the gas station encounter and motel self-surgery – it feels like a proper old-fashioned video nasty but without the hype – and it’s actually nasty. Story-wise, it’s pretty standard for the genre – following a lesbian, drug-addicted nun-gone-wild, with plenty of bad habits(!!). Technically, it’s pretty solid for a low-budget b-movie, and the acting’s passable for a bunch of z-listers playing stock characters. With possibly the most honest title in cinema history, this is genuinely packed full of gratuitous nudity and violence; it’s also got the greatest dispatch of a main bad guy in any film. Although this definitely isn’t for everyone, Nude Nuns with Big Guns is an entertaining, formulaic Machete-esque revenge flick aimed at the proper fans of ‘blood and titties’; a solid B-movie

Score: 4/10

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

September 9, 2010
Film Reviews
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The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo: (Blu Ray) Film adaptation of the eponymous novel – follows an investigative journalist and a computer hacker as they investigate a 40 year old disappearance, which in turn unearths much bigger crimes. The one thing that grabs you for the duration is the performances offered up by the cast, particularly the two mains: Rapace is great at portraying an enigmatic character, who is strong and smart, yet damaged and vulnerable; Nyqvist on the other hand effortlessly portrays a determined journalist and dedicated researcher with incorruptible morals. Mains aside, nobody else really drops the ball either and the strong cast definitely make the film more believable, engaging and gripping. As for the story, you’ve seen it a thousand times before, but never done like this: it’s essentially a Miss Marple ‘whodunnit’ murder mystery served up with a huge wedge of modernity – metro setting, bit of snuff, bit of action, bit of romance, and lots of graphic scenes & descriptions of terrible crimes – add to this a bunch of critiques (violence against women, corrupt big business, modern Sweden…) and you have a very busy film. My favourite aspect of Dragon Tattoo is how the story’s told – it obviously helps to have great source material – but the direction is outstanding, and no matter how hard it gets to watch, or how long it goes on for, you simply can’t stop watching.  My only major nitpick was the constant flashbacks as everything else about the film batted a lot higher. The BD picture is decent enough but typical Scandinavian washed out bleak pallet means that nothing really jumps out – sound again is alright, but nothing special. The final product is a modern facelift of the classic murder mystery that continually makes you wince, yet keeps you hooked through to the very last scene

Score: 8/10

Richard Pryor Live in Concert

December 11, 2009
Film Reviews
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Richard Pryor Live in Concert: a 74 minute stand-up show filmed at one of Pryor’s 1978 gigs. Starts with an onslaught of “Whiteboys do this stupidly, niggers do it a different way” observations, although they weren’t as frequent after the first 15 minutes. In the course of this he covers topics as diverse as: police methods, dogs, death, fathers, camping, boxing, running, kids, Chinese people, and sex all with enthusiasm and fantastic execution. As someone that’s performed stand-up live and enjoys the genre, it’s clear that Pryor was light years ahead of the curve with his personification of things, delivery, voices and acting. Unfortunately, because this gig – and Pryor – are now so famous all of the best bits are shown on every TV clip show and countdown. Although it’s clearly a great performance, the focus of race throughout puts me off a bit. Pretty dated, slightly risque but unquestionably funny.

Score: 5.5/10

The Take

September 10, 2009
TV
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The Take: based on a Martina Cole novel, this was a 4 part mini-series following the two Gangsters as they rise through the London criminal underworld. From the outset (Kassabian theme song, stock gangster names, and violence accompanied by lame gags) you know it’s not going to be high-brow entertainment. It’s full of over-acting, terrible cockney accents and generic geezers that you’d associate with Danny Dyer / Guy Ritchie films. It started in the early 1980s and ended mid-90′s, leapfrogging months or years at a time, sometimes with little indication. Despite this it was shot well, the original music was great, had moments of drama and although it was fairly predictable, the story does keep you watching. The settings and props were also spot-on. They tried to make it smarter as smart as they could, but it still turned out to be a middle-of-the-road, sensationalised crime tale.

Score: 5/10

Crank

July 13, 2009
Film Reviews
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Crank: holy-shit… has pretty much won the “worst film I’ve seen all year” title already. It’s like someone polled the nuts and zoo readers asking the ‘100 things you’d most like to see in a film’, then tried to link them all together, but failed – epically. Someone obviously put ‘Latino Gangsters’ because our old pal Noel Gugliemi made another appearance as the ultimate typecast! More like watching someone play Grand Theft Auto than a film. Full of: bad product placement, terrible acting, mostly pointless scenes and rubbish stereotypes. I’d almost slipped into a coma by the end of it. Less substance than a low-budget porno… avoid like the plague.

Score: 0.1/10 (only because there’s 1 boob)

4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days

July 13, 2009
Film Reviews
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4 Months, 3 weeks and 2 days: didn’t even read the synopsis for this one (wish I had so it didn’t rock my face off!) but watched it because of the critical acclaim it’s generated. Pretty brutal – subtly and graphically in parts – and realistic drama that hits home pretty hard. The acting’s extraordinary and there’s a lot of long single-take shots that heighten the drama drama – similar to Michael Haneke films. More than anything, the film’s about the extremes of friendship. A must-see if you like your world cinema, but for others it’d be very much love/hate.

Score: 7/10

The Kite Runner

July 13, 2009
Film Reviews
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The Kite Runner: I tried my hardest to watch this but it was just too boring and slow to finish. The kid actors were alright but the pace totally killed my interest after 45 mins – first film I’ve switched off in ages!

Score: 2/10