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Boardwalk Empire (Season 1): 1920s prohibition drama mostly following the racketeer Enoch Thompson, who controlled Atlantic City. There are lots, and lots of factions and institutions interacting with each other, not to mention around a dozen well-rounded, complex characters. It’s extremely well-cast; nobody stands out as being too little or too much, and with this many characters, they’re all physically distinguishable – a great job from the casting team. There are too many outstanding performances to mention in this cast of accomplshed actors, but I felt most sorry for Michael Shannon who does a magnificent job with the hardest character, a Prohibition Agent of extreme (almost comedic) faith and morals… Shea Whigam as Sherriff Eli Thompson also impresses with unbelievably great acting, and Jack Huston is superb as a ruined, deformed WWI vet. There’s an impressive level of throwaway period detail in the background, costumes, homes and through conversation. The visual effects to recreate the era are also impressive, and when tag-teamed with some brilliant old-fashioned music/entertainment it’s a solid nostalgia trip. Strangely, there’s an outrageously high level of gratuitous nudity for such a solid TV show, somewhat unnecessary, but hey, I ain’t complaining. This isn’t dip-in / dip-out TV, nor is it for the easily offended or faint hearted – it’s graphic, there’s adultery, sex, debauchery, racism, religion… and that’s just for starters. Boardwalk Empire is entertaining, dramatic, funny, and fascinating for the duration, and never really puts a foot wrong. Must see TV.

Score: 9/10

Jennifer’s Body [Blu Ray]: when a slew of horrific murders hit a sleepy town, Needy starts to think her best friend is a blood-thirsty vampyre. On the surface this appears to exists as a Megan Fox bootay appreciation vehicle, which is fine by me, especially because she plays a sexy femme fatale – with some brilliantly lewd lines. Fortunately, there’s more here than just foxy Fox. The film is laced with a good dose of black humour and absurdity; just enough to confirm that it’s not taking itself too seriously – 8675309 / Goths at a Funeral / Emo band story arc etc. It’s also ‘teen horror’ to the core: with an emphasis on ‘hip’ music, high school setting, sexually charged ‘teens’, pop cultural references, slang vocabulary… right down to the Prom Night finale. The direction’s strong, and BD picture and audio quality are both very good – also the directors cut is apparently far superior to the theatrical version. I was more than surprised as I watched this with a constant smile, and some proper belly laughs; it’s one of the best in its genre since the likes of the Faculty and Idle Hands. After its initially poor cinematic reception Jennifer’s Body will hopefully shine a lot brighter on DVD/Blu Ray as it’s far better, runnier, sexier, more violent and smarter than it looks, and you’d expect.

Score: 7.5/10

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

Postal: Living in a shitty town drives one yocal to ‘go postal’, and sees him take on terrorists, a religious cult, villagers and the police… all in the name of sanity. A film that opens with two Muslim plane hijackers calling Osama Bin Laden to ask how many virgins there will be waiting for them, then accidentally flying into the WTC probably won’t be for everyone… Knowing that this is one big farce, director Uwe Boll pops up as himself, joking about being aroused by crowds & children, and that his films are really being funded by Nazi Gold – it’s mental. The story is more like a series of skits / ‘wouldn’t it be cool if…’ scenes, but that’s OK as there’s a ton of gags and minor detail, almost like a David Zucker film. It’s visually striking; with tons of bright and poppy colours, not unlike classic Russ Meyer. Despite using a cat as a silencer, Zack Ward makes a pretty cool ginger action hero, and WTF is JK Simmons doing in this?!?! If you like your films crude, violent, brimming with hot babes, and full of kid / terrorist / nazi / midget / hippy / redneck / fat people jokes then Postal is the film for you. Despite everything being deliberately outrageous, I enjoyed it and will no doubt whore the DVD out to a bunch of people, then watch it again down the line. Totally ridiculous, but watchable tasteless caper.

Score: 5.5/10


The Good Wife (Season 2): looks at a housewife-turned-lawyer whose husband is jailed after a sex scandal. The structure of this show is great – each episode is a stand alone court case, however there are always several stories playing out in the background spanning large parts of the series. Instead of focusing just on the court cases (could become boring territory) this does well to juggle courtroom, political, and family storylines. What makes it stand out is that it feels very current – we see politicians/investigators utilising twitter, youtube, foursquare and memes; the cases  also mirror characters & events from recent high-profile headlines. Some other plus points are the brilliant writing, great casting, stunningly acted (other than Chris Noth), has too many great characters to mention, is believabile, and with Ridley & Tony Scott watching over the production you can’t really ask for more from a TV show. There are a couple of slow episodes, and one ridiculous one (Chavez), but other than those this series is TV Gold, that draws you right in to the stories – you punch the air in pivotal courtroom moments and invest in the central characters. At 23 episodes long this could have dragged, but it’s the 7 day wait between them feels like an eternity.

Score: 9/10

[Would recommend starting at season 1 - which is also great]

Nude Nuns with Big Buns: tasteless throwback nunsploitation revenge flick with a latino twist. The single best thing about this film is that the entire female wardrobe could have been packed in to a purse; this is proper bang-for-your-buck stuff – with so much tits and ass that birthday suits seem normal by the end! It’s also way more offensive than your standard b-movie with some genuinely filthy scenes like the gas station encounter and motel self-surgery – it feels like a proper old-fashioned video nasty but without the hype – and it’s actually nasty. Story-wise, it’s pretty standard for the genre – following a lesbian, drug-addicted nun-gone-wild, with plenty of bad habits(!!). Technically, it’s pretty solid for a low-budget b-movie, and the acting’s passable for a bunch of z-listers playing stock characters. With possibly the most honest title in cinema history, this is genuinely packed full of gratuitous nudity and violence; it’s also got the greatest dispatch of a main bad guy in any film. Although this definitely isn’t for everyone, Nude Nuns with Big Guns is an entertaining, formulaic Machete-esque revenge flick aimed at the proper fans of ‘blood and titties’; a solid B-movie

Score: 4/10


Black Swan: when a devoted ballet dancer finally gets featured in the lead role of Swan Lake she has to deal with all the pressures that drove her predecessor crazy. To get it out of the way, nobody does ‘descending into madness’ quite like Aranofsky – and this is no different in that you genuinely have no idea if what your seeing is real, unreal, paranoia, hallucinations, fantasy, or mental illness. The second half on the film in particular has some genuinely chilling and thrilling scenes. To begin with the camerawork feels awkward and unnecessary – walking shots behind the heads – but it works surprisingly well for most of the film – particularly when it starts spinning around the dancers. The film also uses SFX outstandingly, and wiping out the cameramen in the reflections gives the viewer a strange haunting sensation. The new-age classical soundtrack is nothing short of stunning. Although I wasn’t convinced by the first 40 minutes, seeing the complex relationships (mum, teacher, peer) develop is thoroughly enjoyable, particularly because the film always keeps you guessing. Cassel and the Hershey both give show-stopping performances, although they’re overshadowed by Portman who puts everything out there, and becomes the definition of fragile, slowly and believably transforming into a woman on the brink of madness. Don’t understand the big deal around theater walk outs – it’s definitely not for the prudish, but there’s nothing offensive here. Despite everything in front of the camera being golden, the real star is the man behind it, who gets everything pitch perfect and creates an absolutely stunning finale. Ballet’s never been this sexy and dramatic.

Score: 8/10

Zombie Beach Party: aka (Zombie King and the Legion of Doom aka Enter… Zombie King) A troupe of masked wrestlers tag up to fight off a powerful arch enemy and his army of the undead before they take over the town! The good stuff: nice Inter-title cards introducing the main cast at the start, some pretty good and fun exhibition wrestling fights, super-rapid Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart cameo (as the sheriff). The bad stuff: more so than most b-movies there’s pretty much no acting (face or voice) as all the main characters wear masks, the night scenes are terrible due to bad lighting, poor quality film stock, on top of all the usual B-movie gaffes. The film tried to be a parody of the zombie genre and a homage to wrestling – it does both, but neither particularly well, not to mention there’s almost no zombie action! At the end of the day this ring-slid well underneath my bottom rope expectation!! Wrestlemaniac was way better, and that’s saying somehting!

Score: 2/10

Live!: Filmed by a documentary crew that are given access to a major Network’s ratings-obsessed – and frequently braless – producer as she turns a sick idea into the most successful reality TV show of all-time. Budget is the obvious constraint here and you get the feeling that the entire process, from idea to release, was all railroaded through with very little thought and even less money. Every character is stock, flawed and/or unbelievable – nobody even has a surname. The acting screams of ‘minimal effort’ at the best of times; omnihotty Eva Mendes doesn’t go beyond 1st gear, but hey, neither does anyone else – even 50 Cent (although he only has 1 line) and Javier Bardem Jeffery Dean Morgan. Despite being marred by cheapness the final 1/3 of the movie – the actual show – is pretty tense, if a little corny. The underlying messages about the public’s consumption and lust for tragedy have been around for decades, and done much better. It’s an interesting premise, but Stick to Series 7 or the Running Man.

Score: 3/10

Hell Ride: Biker ‘Pistolero’ is out for revenge after a rival gang had his lady killed years back. Scene one: guy lying on the ground with an arrow in his stomach. Scene two: some chick being beaten, tied, throat slit and burned. Rest of film: bodies dropping right, left and centre. This my friends, is ‘Bikesploitation’ – bikes, babes, beards and beer tediously linked by a wafer-thin plot. The casting is just as poor, especially Michael Madsen, who is 100% Budd from Kill Bill, Vinnie Jones as another badass, and remember cyber nerd Milo from 24, just pretend he’s really mean. The dead men walking supporting cast were so indistinguishable (hairy, shades and stupid names) that it was pretty hard to follow who was who, although they all got killed, so meh! It’s good to see Dennis Hopper and Dave Carradine on screen again. It had so much potential and although I wasn’t expecting much it still disappointed; it really is one of those films that is so bad it’s… bad. Note to Tarrantino: please stop presenting shite films!

Score: 2.5/10

Vicky Christina Barcelona: Two girls visit Spain for the summer and get more than they bargained for. Being a Woody Allen film it’s all a bit fruity, especially once the characters become more involved with each other. The relationships and scenarios are pretty grounded and it even gets a bit heavy at times, throwing up questions regarding relationships, morals, love & adultery. The characters are the biggest part of the film and they’re all fairly memorable, either through their looks (Johansson), performance (Hall) or both (Bardem & Cruz!). With the best lines and more conviction the Spanish home team overshadow their visitors. The narrator is a nice touch – and Classic Allen – although he points out the obvious quite a lot, which is annoying… but not nearly as much as Scarlett’s character who walks around photographing everything like a total dickhead. Allen’s definitely found some form in the late naughties, I just hope it continues. Sexy, funny rom-com.

Score: 6.5/10

Shortbus: follows the shortcomings of several sexual ‘misfits’: a gay couple on the rocks, dominatrix that can’t connect and sex therapist that’s never orgasmed… Be warned, don’t watch it with your parents as some scenes are pretty much porn. The opening of this is among the most unforgettable of any movie, as are many of the zany characters you meet, and several of the scenes – it’s pretty much a one-of-a-kind. Despite being chocked-full of taboo and graphic (real!) sex Shortbus does a fantastic job of remaining funny and charming for the duration, because the emphasis is on the people and their emotions, not the sex. There’s some funky animations of NYC and most of the characters are likable. The film remains interesting as each person’s story progresses and the climactic ending is really upbeat and fitting with the movie as a whole. It’s not for the prudish, and because of the warnings on the box you’ll probably feel a bit dirty just buying this – although it’s totally worth the momentary shame! Extraordinary comedy about sexual emotions!

Score: 7/10

Foxy Brown: Pam Grier is out to avenge her junkie-loser brother and snitch boyfriend by sticking it to the man, big time. Everything from the soul / funk soundtrack to the gritty view of ‘real life’ is aimed at adolescent black guys, so for a honky to review this in one paragraph, probably won’t do it much justice. Naturally everyone evil, or with any power, is a white bigot: although the casting department went a step too far by hiring the most upper class ‘gangsters’ I’ve ever seen. The opening credits are like a cheap James Bond rip off and the action in the film’s admirable, but not quite there. Despite all the fist-clenching bro solidarity, melodramatic scenes and social issues / stereotypes raised it’s an OK action-flick, made easier to watch courtesy of Grier’s one-of-a-kind figure being flaunted throughout. Girl Power / Black Power!

Score: 5/10

Haggard: Bam Margera and his Jackass / CKY pals make a feature length – sounds stupid? It is, but it’s actually a pretty good effort. Above the stupidity, there’s actually lots of good laughs, gross-outs and funny set-pieces. There’s also a load of skate-superstar cameos throughout the film.  The 5.1 mix is unusually heavy on the rear speakers, so all dialogue – loud and soft – is crystal clear, but feels unbalanced. Loads of lame pseudo-music/skate videos to flesh out the running time, which is unnecessary because the film loses it’s way in the last 20 mins. It’s also more watchable than the original CKY videos. It may not go down as a comedy great, but don’t dismiss it on the grounds of it being attached to Jackass because it’s surprisingly good.

Score: 7/10

Wrestlemaniac: Yet another Zone Horror film… when will I learn. As far as B-movies go this was OK. Featured the following ‘staple’ horror elements: crazy legend, generally low IQs, people insisting on walking about on their own, lame ‘jumpy’ bits, ridiculous nerds, unfathomably stupid ending as well as lesbians, tits, and pervy camera angles random Arnie Quote. Rey Mysterio’s dad was the main killer, weird. Looked and felt pretty professional compared to most low-budget horrors, but didn’t actually have that much to do with wrestling! Decent gore, but only a bodycount of six…

Score: 5/10

American Pie 2: I can sum it up in one word, nostalgia! Pretty funny and enjoyable film that most people can relate to and still holds itself against most of the pish being released these days – made even better by the gratuitous spattering of über-hot nude babes. The soundtrack is absolutely top-notch, although the CD only has about 1/3 the total songs from the film. Unfortunately the later installments of the franchise are more than gash!

Score: 7/10

Reykjavik 101: Had this DVD for yonks and finally got round to watching it. Labeled as a ‘hillarious black comedy’ it wasn’t exactly a barrel of laughs, but had a few good lines / scenes. The plot follows a suicidal loser, who’s mum comes out of the closet and he’s forced to change his ways – but only after he accidentally pumps his mum’s girlfriend. Film looks good and the story’s not exactly clichéd. Some of the scenery and general feel you get of Iceland is worth watching it for alone. Good, but not quite on par with the awkward dark comedy films of Todd Solondz (Welcome to the dollhouse, happiness etc) – which I think it was trying to achieve.

Score: 6.5/10

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